This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.
“Why haven’t you killed the monkey?”
“Why haven’t you killed Aquaman?”
“Why haven’t you nuked the moon?”
“Shouldn’t you be working on killing the monkey now?”
“When are going to write another ‘Know Thy Enemy’?”
My wife’s questions were beginning to vex me. “While Aquaman is watching me, it’s too risky to take on the monkey. Also, Aquaman is using his vote at the Justice League to keep me from nuking the moon. So, when I take care of Aquaman, I can nuke the moon and kill the monkey.”
SarahK practiced throwing her kitchen knife at a dartboard. “You’re going to put the monkey on the moon?”
I set down my soldering iron. “No; that’s completely separate. I’ll devise some other scheme later to take care of the monkey.”
“What’s wrong with that box trap you made?”
“The monkey is obviously too smart for that seeing how he outsmarted me the other day.”
She laughed that mocking laughs of hers, and I felt my soul shrink. “That doesn’t mean he’s very smart; the dog outsmarted you earlier today.”
Rowdi sat nearby still wearing my hat, her tongue hanging out both to help regulate her body temperature and to ridicule me. The dog would gets hers after Aquaman and the monkey.
“So what are you making there?” SarahK asked.
“It’s basically a powerful signal broadcaster.” I soldered a few more wires. “It’s far too complex for a woman’s brain to comprehend.”
“Whatever; I’m getting annoyed by all this.” She flung a steak knife across the room, hitting the dartboard dead center. “Why don’t I just kill the monkey for you so it actually gets done.”
“No!” I pounded the table with my fist. “It’s my kill! I don’t need you killing my monkeys, woman!”
“You’re a silly billy.” She pulled out a gun and shot the dartboard. “If I see any monkeys, I’m going to kill them. That’s my policy… same as with the homeless.”
I just grunted and continued my work. The most ingenious superhero death was almost ready.
Tomorrow Aquaman dies.
FIRST to ask what you mean by this:
“While Aquaman is watching me, it’s too risky to take on the monkey.”
Are you afraid of Aquaman? You feel like you have to watch your back around him or something? What, are you a big sissy or something?
She pulled out a gun and shot the dartboard.
A woman with heart. She would never bring a knife to a gunfight.
I’ve got a question too,
You wrote, “Why haven’t you nuked the moon?”
What, did you mess up the guidance system and nuke the Sun?
(via Smash)
i don’t know what inspired you to write this, but it’s a twisted, smart alecky genius move. mixing the mundane (my wife throws knives in the hallway, too) with the extraordinary (monkeys are creepily aware) is craftily done.
it is fiction, though, right?
Well the Frank seems to be running on all eight today, although that post by “aA on April 18, 2007 05:43 PM” seems somewhat Frankish in and of itself.
you forgot to note that women shoot better than men (and that i shoot better than men – ok, most men).
ok, so that has nothing to do with the story, but i wanted it noted. just because it makes me feel good.
“Tomorrow Aquaman dies.”
No…Tomorrow Frank gets a starfish stuck to his kisser.
Tomorrow Aquaman dies.
EMPTY PROMISES!
Why not just set it up so that the monkey and Aquaman take care of each other?
Wow! No wonder you can’t kill anything. The “little woman” has you by the short hair! “I felt my soul shrink”? That’s low–and not what a superhero — monkey killing — moon nukin’ type needs to hear! And then to have the damn dog sitin’ there and–well–why don’t you just pull your pants down and lick your own balls and be done with it!
Frank, it is completely unacceptable that you fail to kill a monkey, never mind Aquajerk. I mean… crap, my cat can kick the shit out of that sissy!