by Special Correspondent Walruskkkch
MCMURDO STATION, Antarctica (Associated with Liberals Press) – Secretary of State John Kerry offered comment on President-elect Donald Trump’s election victory on Friday from the safe space he created in Antarctica. Kerry became the highest-ranking American official ever to visit Antarctica when he landed for a two-day trip. He also wanted to complain about the impact of climate change on the frozen continent which he couldn’t understand still being frozen.
Trump has called climate change a “hoax” and said he would cancel U.S. involvement in the landmark Paris Agreement on global warming.
“As a Democrat I don’t really require any proof,” Kerry said when addressing several hundred scientists and staff trapped at an evening event at McMurdo Station, the large base which is the hub for U.S. operations. “We need to dupe more people, it is not like the truth will help us.”
Kerry said there was a risk that much of Antarctica’s ice will “eventually slide into the ocean” raising eyebrows over his blatant ripoff of Warren Zevon.
Desperate to have the Paris agreement to cut the fossil-fuel emissions causing the planet to warm, “we must be sure the local penguin population has access to nuclear technology,” Kerry said to the audience. He granted that “may include the possibility they could develop nuclear weapons” but added that he “trusted them just as much as any Islamic nation bent on destroying their neighbors by divinely inspired nuclear hellfire.”
Asked how he could give so much to penguins so closely associated with terrorism he responded that “penguins are so sensitive to my needs, which include large cash payments.”
“It isn’t like trusting Americans to own guns” he added.
Kerry had left New Zealand early Friday aboard a C-17 Globemaster military cargo plane which had been held up for about a day by a stretch of bad weather and snow which had nothing to do with the warming of the continent. An experienced politician, Kerry spent much of the flight in the cockpit of the huge jet, boring the pilots with stories of magic hats and scamming the Army out of some medals.
Kerry planned to return to New Zealand on Saturday for a meeting with Prime Minister John Key if the snow stopped. Kerry plans to fly next week to the Middle East, hoping it didn’t snow there. He will then proceed to a global climate conference in Morocco where attendees hope they won’t experience an unexpected snowfall as well.