In My World: Testing the New President
Transcripts from the Oval Office during Obama’s first one hundred days.
AIDE: Syria is attacking Israel. You have to act now!
OBAMA: Just one moment; I’m checking the dimensions of this bucket… Ahh! My head is stuck in the bucket!
AIDE: We need a decision!
OBAMA: Who’s talking? I can’t hear or see; I have a bucket on my head!
* * * *
AIDE: Iran has nuclear weapons and are threatening to use them!
OBAMA: I don’t want to hear about it unless it’s about getting this bucket off my head.
AIDE: But sir, we need…
OBAMA: I’m going to try pounding it against a wall; maybe that will help.
* * * *
AIDE: Al Qaeda is attacking!
OBAMA: Who is attacking? I told you I have trouble hearing with this bucket on my head.
AIDE: Sir, maybe you should invoke Amendment 25 until you get the bucket off of your head.
OBAMA: There’s no need for that! I can handle many things at once. I am a very smart man. In fact, the only reason I have a bucket stuck on my head is my insatiable curiosity. Would you rather an incurious… Are you still here? Hello?
* * * *
AIDE: Russia is invading Georgia… and I don’t mean the country!
OBAMA: Not Russia! They’re going to make fun of me for having a bucket stuck on my head!
BIDEN: Don’t worry! I’m here to help!
OBAMA: Who?
BIDEN: Joe Biden.
OBAMA: Who?
BIDEN: Your Vice President. You selected me for my foreign policy experience.
OBAMA: I don’t remember that.
BIDEN: Well, I am very smart, and I know exactly what to do here… Ahh! Now my head is stuck in a bucket too!
OBAMA: Ow! Keep your bucket away from my bucket!
AIDE: (sigh) I’ll go tell Pelosi she is acting president.
(36 votes, average: 4.64 out of 5)
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November 10th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Now that’s funny right there.
Good Lord, you should’ve kept going with the bucket brigade!
November 10th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
You laugh now, but when the martians attack with their exploding-brain-rays the people with buckets on their heads will be the only humans left!
November 10th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
When the inevitable happens, and Vladdy Putin uses his mad judo skills to throw Obama around – like an orca playing with a helpless young harp seal – should I do the patriotic thing and denounce Putin, or do the other patriotic thing and LMAO?
November 10th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Frank, you’ve left out the most important piece of information — the color of the bucket.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I’m an Obama supporter, but I have to admit that this is really funny.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Out of all the scenarios offered in your post, Frank, I’d have to say the most chilling of them all was the idea of Piglosi being President.
Let’s all pray she gets bucketed first.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I smell a conspiracy!
*Mary runs off to check out Piglosi’s stock portfolio for shares in bucket companies*
November 10th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
More
cowbellbucket! You can never have too muchcowbellbucket.Everyone sing the song:
“I’ve got a hole in my
bucket cowbellhead.”November 10th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I’m sorry to hear that JohnRJ08 we will pray for you haha jk
November 10th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
sixpckr: Where do you think they got the idea for buckets on their heads?
Why, it would be the grand poobah of bucketheads, Piglosi herself!!
November 10th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
this is… not your best work
November 10th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Perhaps we should start Obama off with a simpler test – y’know like patting his head and rubbing his tummy at the same time – something like that
November 10th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
AIDE: Syria is attacking Israel. You have to act now!
OBAMA: Just one moment; I’m checking the dimensions of this bucket… Ahh! My head is stuck in the bucket!
Change that to AYERS: Comrade President! Pakistan and India are launching nuclear weapons at each other! Many capitalist pigs will be slaughtered! Praise Lenin!
OBAMA: I can’t hear you! Damned buckets! and it’s exactly how my dream went.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
If the great leaders are wearing buckets on their heads, after they’ve taxed us all into abject poverty, destroyed the economy, disarmed us and the military, given our nuclear stash to whatever dictators can say they hate America the most, and otherwise destroyed everything Americans hold dear, should we dig holes and bury our heads in them? After all, we won’t have the money to buy ourselves buckets, so it’ll have to be something free and blinding …
The head burial has many benefits:
1. Stupid people will forget the air hose
2. We won’t be able to see or hear the country we love being destroyed
3. Since we’ll have no more money to steal (did I say steal? I meant tax. Really!), we’ll have to “assume the position” anyway, and there’s nobody who’d be “collecting” from us that we’d want to see.
4. It’s stolen from South Park, which automatically
November 11th, 2008 at 2:54 am
“I’ll go tell Pelosi she is acting president.”
Damn it, that is scary.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am
frightingly realistic…