What’s It Like To Hear Obama Speak?

Senator Max Baucus (D-MT):


[YouTube direct link]

“It’s just so wonderful to hear him speak, it’s like a symphony”

Yeah… that’s ONE analogy. Let’s try some more.

Listening to Obama speak is like…

… that eternally long half-second between when you realize you’re going to hit the car in front of you, and the first musical tinklings of glass & metal.

… accidentally hitting “delete”, then accidentally hitting “yes” on the “are you sure?” dialog box.

… pouring milk on your cereal and watching earwigs float to the top.

… passing an exit, rounding a curve, and joining a 12-mile traffic jam.

… fumbling for a light switch and finding a wall socket

… hearing that creaking, ripping sound a tree branch makes as it separates from the trunk prior to coming through your roof.

… a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced..

… noticing the empty toilet paper roll before standing up instead of before sitting down.

… dropping a butcher knife, but keeping it from hitting the floor with a deftly-executed blade-first catch.

… hearing that awful tearing sound that inevitably accompanies stuffing 10 pounds of arrogant into a 5 pound bag.

… watching the First Lady serve soup to homeless people while wearing $540 shoes.

… listening to something with angry German facial hair… not sure what, exactly…

What’s it like for you?

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73 Comments

  1. It is fingernails scratched across the ‘Grade-Obama’s-First-Six-Months’ chalkboard.>>> It is the sound of mice scurrying in your attic as you wish you could sleep.>>> It is the Emergency Broadcast System signal coming on as the Fred Thompson Radio Program goes into the Lightning Round.>>> It is a repeating loop of Ethyl Merman’s Greatest Hits.

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  2. Oh man this is excellent. The post, not Obama. Wish I could give more than 5 stars. Surprised not more commenters though.

    Listening to Obama is … “like driving tiny little nails…into my eyes.”

    ROFL #3…and #1: Ewwwww! But funny… 😉

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  3. …like biting into a chocolate expecting caramel and getting that gross cherry whip nougat crap.

    …riding a skateboard down a hill – taking the perfect line – then hitting a little rock…well, you get the idea.

    …like hearing mayor daley doing a bad preacher impression

    …like hearing the soft scratching of a branch on the outside of your tent late at night…before you find out it’s a bear.

    …like roasting a marshmallow, seeing it catch fire – ever so briefly because you had the good sense to shake the stick it was on. then you see it fly off the stick and land on your girlfriends bare leg…the scream is deafening.

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  4. It’s also much like listening to Hugo Chaves, Daniel Ortega, or Fidel Castro….but without having to understand Spanish. However mercifully it’s not as irritating as listening to Baucus.

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  5. Getting out of bed in the middle of the night and feeling something firm then squishy, beneath your foot , and realizing that it’s summertime in Louisiana and it’s lizard season in your house. (I guess you had to be here).

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  6. Listening to Obama speak…

    It’s like opening up my wallet in the winds of a Category 5 hurricane.

    And then handing my sheep over to to Max Baucus and witnessing the cacophony of “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” all night long. (And senator, “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” means “No.”)

    So is Baucus the new Obama girl? Sounds like his panties are a little moist today.

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  7. Listening to O’vomit speak is like watching a rerun of Big Brother over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over……………..again.

    It is also how I imagine Satan would talk, Harvard educated, but folksy if need be. After all he is all things to all people “the one” ” the messiah” our last and only hope for change or change for hope of chope for hange or…………

    Whitehouse. gov. HERE I AM. Member of the vicious mob.

    Oh and O’vomit if you want the people responsible for this mess to “Shut Up” I suggest you put a muzzle on Pelosi, Reid, Shumer, Dodds, Frank, and the rest of the Demons on your payroll. They got us into this mess so maybe they all ought to SHUT UP. I’d vote for that.

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  8. Listening to obama speak is like walking through your yard barefoot and finding a “present” your neighbor’s dog left for you. Or needing to go to the grocery store and realizing your keys are in your husband’s car and he’s at work.

    Or jamming flaming knives covered with hepatitis into your eardrums.

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  9. Listening to Obama speak is like…

    experiencing a stench in my ears.
    hearing “Fore!” just prior to the Titleist ricocheting off your head.
    the 2:00 AM phone call from a drunken ex.
    the 2:00 AM phone call from an ex lover advising you to seek penicillin.

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  10. OK, since Frnak brought Megadeth up earlier & Baucus thinks the sound of Obambi’s voice is like a symphony, I submit these lyrics:

    Symphony Of Destruction

    You take a mortal man,
    And put him in control
    Watch him become a god
    Watch peoples heads a’roll
    A’roll…

    [chorus:]
    Just like the Pied Piper
    Led rats through the streets
    We dance like marionettes
    Swaying to the Symphony …
    Of Destruction

    Acting like a robot
    Its metal brain corrodes
    You try to take its pulse
    Before the head explodes
    Explodes…

    [Chorus]

    The earth starts to rumble
    World powers fall
    A’warring for the heavens
    A peaceful man stands tall
    Tall…

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  11. Like waking up on January 21st and realizing that 48% of registered voters are idiots (and about 3% only exist on paper…specifically the paper that lists Democrat voters)

    Like turning to a woman at the park and saying “Jeese look at that little tub ‘o lard!” just before said tub of lard runs up to the woman saying “Mommy.”

    Turning on your computer to put the finishing touches on that big project due tomorrow before you go to bed and seeing a blue screen with the words “Unable to find drive0”

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  12. listening to Obama speak:

    ….is like waking up with a massive hangover and rolling over to see Helen Thomas

    ….is like the first crack when you are walking across an Iced over lake in the spring.

    ….is like having a proctologist who wears a size 16 pinky ring.

    ….is like the moment in between Hearing a train and realizing that there isn’t train tracks near your house for 50 miles, and the moment when you realize that it’s a tornado about to hit.

    that’s about all I got right now

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  13. Eric said: listening to Obama speak is like waking up with a massive hangover and rolling over to see Helen Thomas— I’m afraid that would have to be my last moment on earth. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after that!

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  14. “What’s It Like To Hear Obama Speak?”

    It’s like having a red hot poker shoved in your ear.

    having broken glass shoved up your a$$.

    seeing Nancy Pelosi naked.

    like getting food poisoning.

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  15. #23 waking next to Helen Thomas–#26 seeing Nasty Pelosi naked I’m not feeling well I’m going to take a blue and a red pill , go to sleep and try to forget the mental pictures you two have put in my head.

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  16. Oh, I don’t know…

    …about like listening to Hillary cry.
    …like listening to a Sunday preacher you want to pie face.
    …like listening to some kids I grew up with strut around and brag (idiots).
    …like having visions of exploding cantaloupes.

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  17. …like being told you’re going to be getting a unicorn and instead it turns out to be a stray dog with a cardboard horn stapled to it’s head.

    …like ordering a Stella Artois and getting a PBR.

    …like being told to expect some moon-nuking and instead getting this blog.

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  18. Listening to Obama speak …

    – is like having every hair on your body plucked out one ‘Let me be clear’ at a time.

    – is like forgetting what sound the letter ‘z’ makes. Oh, the hissing.

    – is like monitoring a class in the Department of Caucasians Suck Studies.

    – is like having your mother remarry an a$$hole who drinks away her savings, knocks her around, and tells the cops that you did it.

    – is like driving 562 miles to a far away city on a Saturday, parking it, and leaving the lights on, with the needle on ‘E’ and one tire flat, getting it towed to ‘the best place in town’ and finding out that your transmission needs to be rebuilt before your car will go into any gear but Reverse. True story, and amazingly allegorical.

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  19. “What’s It Like To Hear Obama Speak?”

    it’s like having an M80 shoved up your rear.

    sliding down a slide made of rusty razor blades.

    getting shocked on the nads by a Tazer.

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  20. Via FreedomWorks:

    Those who listened unwarily to that voice could seldom report the words that they heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to seem wise themselves. When others spoke they seemed harsh and uncouth by contrast; and if they gainsaid the voice, anger was kindled in the hearts of those under the spell. For some the spell lasted only while the voice spoke to them, and when it spake to another they smiled, as men do who see through a juggler’s trick while others gape at it. For many the sound of the voice alone was enough to hold them enthralled; but for those whom it conquered the spell endured when they were far away, and ever they heard that soft voice whispering and urging them. But none were unmoved; none rejected its pleas and its commands without an effort of mind and will, so long as its master had control of it.—J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

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  21. …is like dropping the hammer of your 1911 on a home invader and hearing “click”

    …is like finding out Miss August is Nancy Pelosi and Miss September is Barney Frank

    …that your daughter’s new after-school tutor is Bill Clinton

    …like discovering the entire Justice League was wiped out except for Aquaman

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  22. What’s it like to hear Obama Speak?
    With teleprompter: Saruman.
    Without teleprompter:
    “Wicked (uh) masster!” it hissed. “Wicked masster (uh) cheats us; cheats Smeagol, gollum. He musstn’t (uh) go that (uh) way. He musstn’t (uh) hurt Preciouss. Give it to Smeagol, (uh) yess, give it to us! (As I [uh] said before) Give it to uss!”

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  23. listening to O is worse than scrunching up all tense like and covering your ears and running out of the room when the chaulk SCHREECHES against the black I mean honkyboard – oh ! I mean the learning moment clunker presentation er, the official Obama educational learning thingy that is outfitted with 3 D displaying the one’s visage in neon lights smiling big teeth “hahahahaha you are now all my peons and you all will bow down to me and kiss my ring”. Now available at your local bodaga for $49.95 plus Fed, State and Local Tax.

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  24. Between IH8Socialists and Eric, my minds eye is blind, and I am checkinginto belview.

    Listening to the classless disgrace speak is like getting your genitalia caught in a door.

    like burning your nose on the french frier.

    like sandpaper on the toilet roll.

    like any democrat whining.

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  25. …The deafening screams of French soldiers surrendering to any agressor to “DON”T SHOOT! WE ARE FRENCH!”, as they drop their weapons and wave white flags. (however they say that in french)

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  26. Listen to Obama? One of the few things that makes me glad of a profound hearing loss. For a short while I read transcripts of his speeches. The I realised how many words he used to say nothing so now if there is a transcript of his latest speech I go look at the monster truck rally or something else far more intelligent that that pencil necked meathead.
    There are worse things than deafness.

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  27. There’s really no need to listen to Obama speak; he says nothing better than anyone else in my lifetime. So, if you just tune into network news the following day, they’ll give you the liberal translation as to what he meant to say, using his carefully parsed words from a trained lawyer.

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  28. Listening to Obama speak is like:

    Being strapped into the apperatus from “A Clockwork Orange” and being forced to view nude photos of Nancy Pelosi, Janet Reno and Rosie O’Donnal.

    Being trapped in a 6′ x 6′ room with Michael Moore an hour after he’s returned from an all-you-can-eat Mexican food and Beer buffet.

    Pronouncing that you are buying the drinks not knowing that Ted Kennedy is standing behind you.

    Having to watch a marathon of “The View”.

    Being trapped on a small island with Keith Olberman.

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  29. Yesterday I violated one ot the ten cardinal rules of common sense, such as “don’t run with a scissors in your hand” and “don’t look at the sun without eye protection”. And so, beginning to climb a 14 foot ladder on which I had placed a hammer on the very top, I heard a clunk sound and then felt the sharp nail removal end embed in the top of my head. Momentarily stunned, and then feeling and seeing blood oozing from my scalp I realized my error.

    Thinking back, I would rather have it all happen again today then to listen to Obama Speak.

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  30. watching the First Lady serve soup to homeless people while wearing $540 shoes.

    In all fairness, the shoes probably didn’t embarass the “needy” at all considering what nice cell phones they have.

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  31. Like the sound of 8 new executive jets carrying members of congress where ever the h*ll they want to go so they don’t have to risk interacting with the smelly, don’t-know-what’s-good-for-them public on a commercial flight.

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  32. Max Baucus became a Senator when I was a wee lad in Billings, Montana. What an insufferable douche he has been for lo, these 35 or so years. What a fargin’ travesty our Senate has become, all thanks to the 17th(?) Amendment which eliminated the republican (small R) method of actually picking the right person for the job. Democracy is ultimately fatal. The republic is too hard for most people, but it is our best hope.

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  33. Listening to Obama is like listening to a robot broadcasting a tennis match between two robots.

    “….he’s looking left…now he’s looking right…anbd now he suddenly turns left again..wait…it’s right again…”

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  34. Hearing Obama speak is like attending a string quartet recital announced as one of Beethoven’s Rasumovsky quartets, the Dvorak “American” quartet, and the Haydn “Rider” quartet, only to discover that the program has been changed to “music” Benjamin Britten, Arnold Schoenberg, and Elliott Carter

    Hearing Obama speak is the perfect example of what Macbeth meant in Act 5, Scene 5, lines 26 to 28

    http://www.enotes.com/shakespeare-quotes/tomorrow-tomorrow-tomorrow

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  35. I take my hat off to all of you creative folks out there and your clever responses to “what is listening to Obama like”. I do not have the intestinal fortititude to watch and or listen to him. From the first moment I tried he appeared to me to be arrogant and ignorant. A bad actor in a poorly written political thriller.

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  36. Listening to Obama is like having to fart really bad at the bar. You figure if you let one go with other people around you can’t be singled out as the culprit. So you relax just enough to let one go and immediately realize you crapped your pants.

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