I’m So Awesome!

I hadn’t written a column in a little while because I was busy with baby stuff, so I was really hoping to knock one out of the park with my latest one. And it’s probably been my most popular piece so far. It’s got thousands of “Likes” on Facebook — which I’m pretty sure is a lot — and the Wall Street Journal Best of the Web wrote this about it:

“…for our money is the most astute political analysis we’ve read all year…”

That’s right; my analysis is “astute.” I looked that up on the Wiktionary, and it’s a pretty good thing. It means I’m like bestest super smart pundit number one.

Anyway, I thought I’d use this post to give you, the readers of IMAO, something I know you’ve been dying for: A place to tell me how awesome I am. So get in the comments and pour forth your hearts.

DO IT NOW!

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1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (32 votes, average: 4.78 out of 5)

52 Comments

  1. * Frank is so awesome. Did you know he once held a career as a singe? Everyone said it would be a disaster. They said that right up until Frank’s first concert.

    * Frank’s real name is Punch Rockgroin.

    * Frank knows where to find Mister Beardsley.

    * Frank is the only person who comes close to not looking gay when using Twitter.

    * Frank can kill a groundhog with a BB gun.

    * Frank is so awesome Sarah let him name their child. Her name is “Frank, Jr.”

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  2. Oh, so that’s what Brooks was trying to say with his NYT article. Okay I get it now. It was all about the awesomeness of Frank.

    I wonder what Iowahawk would say about the awesome that is Frank.
    No Coddington Van Voorhees VII for Frank.
    No, it’d be more in the vein of some badass, Big Daddy Roth, Rat Fink, chopped monstrosity screaming through the alkaline flats at Mach 4 that blasts into the side of a mountain and travels through time.
    Or puppies. I like puppies.

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  3. How awesome IS Frank J.?

    He’s so awesome that…

    …his shadow hides in the shade.
    …babies poop their pants around him.
    …in his Hemisphere, even the Coriolis Force follows the Right-hand rule.
    …wind blows, fire burns, water falls… and liberals suck.
    …trolls don’t frequent his site out of fear of his horse, Mister Ed.
    …we’re all waiting for him to grow up so we can vote for him!

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  4. Frank is all kinds of awesome, but not that blinding light in your face of God awesome, No! we’re talking that marry way up, have your own blog kind of awesome. We are so unworthy, we should sacrifice MarkoMancuso to the cat to appease the FrankJ.

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  5. So awesome that…
    the rise of the oceans began to slow
    and our planet began to heal
    and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth

    …oh, no, no, that “awesomeness” has already been claimed.

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  6. Plenty of bailouts, all around! (Thanks, plenty.)

    But I think we all ought to get together and ROAST Frank. All 20 of us.

    And while we’re at it, throw Harvey and Basil in Frank’s fire, too!

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  7. Yo Frank ! This is like a gold metal coming from Best of the Web. Ye are truly awesome !

    I’d print their comments about your column and frame it. This has been one awesomy month, Princess Buttercup alighting upon earth and overpoweringly high recognition from WSJ’s Best of the Web. awwwwwwwwwwoooooooo ! I’m shaking my head. I don’t care if the above commenters think I’m sarcasatic. I am really impressed and happy for you.

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  8. FrnakJ is so awesome that his alter egos are funnier than he is!

    I hadn’t realized that the WSJ had some sort of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” policy for BoTW.

    Is that what you’re doing with the money people are sending to FrnakJr? Buying good reviews? For shame.

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  9. Additional, technical reasons why Frank J. is so awesome:

    (1) Apparently, Frank’s career choice came down to choosing between Chemistry and Electrical Engineering. He made his decision by noting that Chemists define the electron as “-” (negative) and Electrical Engineers define current flow as “+” (positive). He decided he couldn’t stand all that scientific! electronegativity and was really a positive-type of guy and so he chose Electrical Engineering. He thus avoided Science!. A lucky decision for us, because otherwise, he’d be siding with Al Gore on Global Warming.

    (2) Of course, now that he’s an EE, he has to write firmware because that’s about all EE’s do these days. In this effort, his programs apparently compile right-off-the-bat after which they disappear untested into devices made of silicon. This is amazing in and of itself.

    (3) And finally, his most amazing program of all – and all it’s 30,000+ lines of genetic code – is now embedded in a new life form with a middle name of “Buttercup.” This makes Frank J. one awesome Dad!!

    Your kids will be your best work on the planet, Frank and Sarah. And thanks for all the laughs at IMAO!

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  10. It’s like they saved up all the previous awesome and found out it was made out of bacon. We are just lucky enough to be the ones who soak up some of the grease. We are The Paper Towels Of The Internet. Yay.

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  11. The awesomeness of that column is ONLY overshadowed by the awesomness of the writer himself, which is absolutley DWARFED by the BEY-AWESOMENESS of being a new dad. Welcome to Fatherhood, Frank!!!

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  12. Yeah, I saw that yesterday. Congrats, Frank… I’ve been reading Taranto’s “Best of the Web Today” column for a very long time, and I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you mentioned.

    It was a good choice for a first mention, too. I think that’s one of your best Pajamas Media columns.

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  13. Hey Frank,
    Our local conservative talker read your article top to bottom today on his show. When your stuff is read on the air in Milwaukee you know you’ve hit the big time! ha ha.

    Just don’t start texting pictures of your junk to anyone, we know how that one works out.

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  14. When Sarah Palin is elected POTUS she will designate a new cabinet position and department called The Department of Awesome. FrankJ will be named the Director for life. All other cabinet positions shall run their ideas through the Dept. of Awesome and if they aren’t Awesome, Frank has Veto authority! Awesome!

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  15. “But not just plain old, usual politician sucked, but epic levels of suck where it’s hard to find an analogue in human history that conveys the same level of suckitude. It was sheer incompetence plus arrogance — and those things do not complement each other well. We’re talking sucking that distorts time and space like a black hole.”

    I’m puttin’ that on a pillow!!

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  16. My feelings are hurt. We readers have been around for some time now, extolling the greatness of IMAO and all those who scribe herein. But do you believe us, those who enjoy your work enough to stop by and read it regularly, and comment? No. You look to some outside source for validation. Humph.

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  17. Your column is awesome, being a father is awesome. But hey, don’t get cocky, kid.

    Oh wait. Too late.

    Then again your daughter will be a teenager before you know it.

    That will be decidedly less awesome. So enjoy awesome while it lasts.

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  18. I read the post and was all good to go on the complimentary comment, then the last line, all in CAPS, demanding I DO IT NOW! made my contrarian nature exert itself.

    I went over to Protein Wisdom to see how the blog owner’s personal troll was doing.

    Now I am back and here are your compliments: (wha, you thought I wouldn’t?)

    Your baby is cuter than all 8 puppies my mini-Aussie Shep just birthed.

    Your wife is more wonderful than the aurora borealis on a freezing arctic night.

    Your blog is better than sliced bread.

    You yourself deserve to pat yourself on the back quite often, even if you have to bend your arm uncomfortably to do so.

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  19. Incidentally, I got a mention on Best of Web way back when Biden was still a Senator from the party of hair implanted plagiarizing stupidity spewing Delawarianites, when I submitted an article in which he changed his mind and public opinion about legislation he helped pass, less than two years after passing it, mostly because Bush was in the White House.
    So congratulations on your awesome accomplishment in being immortalized on Best of Web. Finally. Just like me.

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  20. Pingback: “Republicans Kind of Suck … Which Is Why They Will Win Huge in November” – suzyrice.com

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