More Jokes About the Horrible Job Obama Has Done with the Economy

Obama has begun joking about his own economic failures (“Shovel-ready was not as … uh .. shovel-ready as we expected.”), so I guess it’s okay for us to do it too. I didn’t before, because I thought it would be mean since mentally Obama doesn’t seem to be all there. Anyway, here are some Obama economy jokes I just made:

Obama, Pelosi, and Reid walk into a bar. They then burn down the bar.

Afterwards the bar owner comes over and yells at them, “You just burnt down my bar! Everyone who worked there just lost their jobs!”

To which Obama says, “We inherited this from the Bush economy.”

Q. How much money does it cost to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Well, since after $800 billion the light bulb fell out and broke on the floor, we obviously need at least $800 billion more.

Obama walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks, “Why is there a duck on your head?”

To which Obama says, “STOP FOCUSING ON DISTRACTIONS!!!”

An engineer, a physicist, and President Obama get their car stuck in a ditch, so they all work on solutions to get out of it. The engineer takes a tree branch and fashions it into a lever he says will be sufficient to lift the car. The physicist does some calculations and determines if the wheel is turned at a certain angle while a specific amount of gas is applied, the car will get out of the ditch. Barack Obama just grabs a sledge hammer and starts smashing the car while yelling, “Republicans did this!”

Actually, I don’t think I’m very good at writing jokes. Well, you can see if you do better in the comments.

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52 Comments

  1. Obama and Biden walk into a bar. Dennis Kucinich walks under it. Obama calls the right wing blogs who report it “RAAAAACCIST!”.

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  2. Normally, when someone mugs somebody, stealing their money, it’s not considered appropriate joke material. Kind of amazing that Barry Hussein stole money from each of us in order to illegally pay off campaign supporters, the whole time telling us how stupid we were to not just hand it to him willingly, and now thinks we’ll find that to be funny. Such an ass.

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  3. America: Knock knock
    Barry: Who’s there?
    America: America
    ….(awkward silence)…..
    Barry: Knock knock
    America: Take that stupid bucket off your head already.

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  4. Palin – Hey Barry, I’ve got a knock-knock joke for you, you start.
    Barry – Knock knock
    Palin – Who’s there?
    Barry – …….

    Two minutes later:

    Palin – Hey Barry, I’ve got a knock-knock joke for you, you start.
    Barry – Knock knock
    Palin – Who’s there?

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  5. President Obama and Vice President Biden walk into a breakfast bar.

    Waiter: “What’ll you have, gentlemen?”
    Obama: Looks at Biden and says, “Go ahead. You order first,” and heads off to the men’s room.
    Biden: “I’d like… sh!t on a shingle, please.” (He laughs, since he’s bud’s with the waiter.)
    (Obama returns from the men’s room.)
    Obama: “I’ll have what he’s having.”
    Waiter: “Ah, Mr. President, he’s having our special: chipped beef on toast.”
    Obama: “Oh. In that case, I feel like just…. toast.”

    The waiter yells out to the cook: “Crap on a hair piece, and the President is T O A S T.”

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  6. Q: What did Joshua Lawrence Chamblerlain say when he heard about Barack Obama?
    A: “Bayonets! Forward! Don’t stop ’till you see the white in his eyes! Wait, is that racist?”

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  7. What is the differance between Fukishima Reactors One through four and the Obama economy?

    The Japanese reactors took longer to melt down.

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  8. Obama, the Engineer and the Physicist get their car stuck in the ditch again.

    This time the Engineer says, “let’s use this long fence post laying over here as a lever. I’ll stick it under the back bumper and rock the car while someone tries to drive it out of the ditch.”

    “Too dangerous,” replied the Physicist. “The car might roll back into you, or spray you with mud. Let’s instead position the fence post under the drive wheels. Perhaps the tires will achieve enough traction to allow the car to get up out of the ditch.”

    “That’s still too messy and dangerous,” replied Obama. “I have a way that we can get the car out of the ditch that will work beautifully and won’t get any mud on us or on the car.”

    “Okay, what is it?” asked the Engineer and the Physicist.

    “Simple,” replied Obama, “first, assume we had a tow truck.”

    Ba-dum-bum-bum…

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  9. Obama’s motorcade is driving through Texas when he spies a roadside stand and doesn’t see any health department stickers on it. He has his car pull over and confronts the owner, an elderly gentlemen of about 90 years leaning on a cane.

    Barry: You don’t have the correct documentation to run this stand.
    Farmer: Wellll I tell ya what. This here’s my property and I figure I ken do whut I please onit.
    Barry: No. The government decides what’s best for you. I’m going to have my agents here shut you down.
    Farmer: Ah take it that you ain’t from here abouts. Otherwise you’d know ’bout the “Three Hit Rule.”
    Barry: Tell me my good man, what is the “Three Hit Rule?”
    Farmer: The rule is that if two fellers have a disagreement, then one feller gets to hit t’ other three times. Then the secon’ feller gets to do the same to the first. They goes back ‘n forth ’til one a’ them quits ‘n the other feller wins.

    Having six inches and 20 pounds on the old guy (and that he needed a cane) Barry figures that this would be a good opportunity to show how much of a Good Ole’ Boy he was an how manly he was.

    Barry: Ahhhh. OK. Let me take off my jacket and we’ll…ahhh…rumble.
    Farmer: Fine. ‘Cept since you started this, I gets first shot.
    Barry: Ahhhhh. Fine.

    Barry had barely finished speaking when the farmer whipped his cane around and clocked Obama on the side of the head, stunning the President. The farmer then threw a snap kick to Barry’s nads. As the President doubled over, the old man drew back his fist and clipped Barry behind the ear sending him into the dirt.

    The president rolled on the ground for a bit bleeding and groaning and not a little bit angry. He pulled himself up ready for revenge. He stood up as straight as he could and pulled back his fist.

    Farmer: Hold on. There’s no need for that.
    Barry: But it’s my turn.
    Farmer: Nope. I quit.

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  10. Q: Why is Obama’s economy like an old junker car?
    A: Because every time you REALLY need it to turn over…it doesn’t.

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  11. Really bad jokes:

    osama throws out a pitch and it makes the plate.

    osama praises his wifes looks

    osama and biden are in a desert. They try to get a drink but they keep redistributing the water.

    Q. A priest, a rabbi, a mooselem, and barry go into a room. How many people are in the room.
    A. 3

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  12. Obama, an Engineer and a Physicist buy a car together and drive off the lot with Obama driving. They go many miles until encountering a ditch, which Obama promptly drives the car into and gets stuck.

    “What the bejeebers are you doing!?” asks the Engineer (being basically a “doer”).

    “What were you thinking!?” asks the Physicist (being basically a “theoretical thinker”).

    “Well, everyone knows that you’re in the ditch as soon as you drive off the lot! Don’t worry, the government owns the car company and the ditch. We’ll be fine. I know just what to do… I think…”

    The Engineer and the Physicist get out of the car and walk home.

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  13. Obama walks into a bar with a bucket on his head.
    The bartender says, “Hey, you have a bucket on your head”
    MSNBC finds out the bartender was late returning a book in the 3rd grade and starts a series on how racist he is.

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  14. Q: Why is Obama’s economy like a fancy seven course meal?
    A: They’re both going to end up in the crapper.

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  15. Q: Why is a young, sexy, intelligent woman having sex with Marko like Obama’s Economic Plan?
    A: Neither of them exist.

    Extra Credit Answer: They’re both faking it.

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  16. Obama and Hillary are peeing off a bridge. Obama says “The water is cold” to which Hillary replies “Yes and it’s deep too”…

    Do you know what torque is? That’s when you wake up in the morning with a great big “Wiener” and you have to go pee pee. So you go into the bathroom and you push your “Wiener” down to aim it at the toilet and your feet come off the floor…

    A priest a rabbi and Obama are in airplane that is crashing. First the pilot rushes past, grabs a parachute and jumps. Then the priest goes and finally the rabbi takes the last parachute and jumps. Obama sits there and says WTF?

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  17. Joe Biden goes to an awards ceremony for Stephen Hawkings for being the smartest guy who ever lived. Biden stand up to the lecturn and says “Stephen, stand up and come up here so I can shake your hand”…

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  18. Q: How many Obama economy advisors does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. The EPA just mandated darkness.

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  19. Q: How many Obama supporters does it take to flush Obama’s toilet?

    (circle the correct answer)

    (a) 52.7%

    (b) None – Obama’s toilet is self-flushing.

    (c) Supporters can’t flush a toilet. They can only clog it.

    (d) One Republican.

    (e) All of the above.

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  20. Q: What is a young, sexy, intelligent woman hanging around with FormerHostage?
    A: That’s a figment of your imagination. Much like the chances of America ever recovering under Barack Obama.

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  21. Q: Why is Obama’s presidency like having to take a Post Modern Literature course?
    A: If you’re lucky, you only have to deal with them for one term.

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  22. That’s a figment of your imagination

    Now that’s a FINE way to talk about your sister!

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  23. Q: How is Obama’s economic recession like FormerHostage’s mother?
    A: All light is blotted out.

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  24. Q: Why is an Obama economic recovery called Nuclear Submarine?
    A: Odds are you’ll never, ever, ever see it.

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  25. Obama goes into a car dealership and starts admiring a flaming red sports car. Salesman comes over and asks “do you wanna take it for a test drive?”. Obama quickly agrees, and the salesman pulls the car out to the street in front of the store. Obama climbs in the driver seat, the salesman climbs in the passenger seat. The salesman asks, ‘are you sure you can drive this kind of car?”. Obama says, “certainly”. Obama then slams the car in gear and floors it, turns onto a one way street going the wrong direction and keeps accelerating. After a few blocks the road ends at an intersection and the car is going way to fast to turn either left or right and plows straight ahead into a real estate building, totalling both the building and the car. Obama and the salesman manage to crawl out of the car and the salesman exclaims, “I thought you said you could drive this car, you moron!”. Obama says, “I read all about it in college, and I’m sure I did as good as anyone else could have done. Just imagine how bad it would have been if someone ELSE was driving this defective car.”

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  26. Frank J – why are you complaining? I’m clearly doing what I can to keep you employed.

    You are now added to our Enemies List uh uh uh no not Enemies List. Did I say that? I meant “Kinetic Hostile Trackng Document.”

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  27. Sitting in the first row at a baseball game with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the president.

    Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.

    The agent then says, “Mr. President, it was a unanimous request, from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And…the fans would love it!”

    So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, “If that’s what the people want.” He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming — and the crowd goes wild, cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.

    Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, “You were right, I would have never believed that!”

    Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what is wrong. The agent replies, “Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first PITCH!”

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  28. 24 .. ussjimmycarter says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    A priest a rabbi and Obama are in airplane that is crashing. First the pilot rushes past, grabs a parachute and jumps. Then the priest goes and finally the rabbi takes the last parachute and jumps. Obama sits there and says WTF?

    Sorry, not a joke. Wishful thinking.

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  29. To pass the time on a long flight on Air Force One, Joe the Vice President was working on a crossword puzzle. He leaned over to President Obama and said. “Excuse me Mr. President, but what would be a four letter word for a woman ending in u-n-t?” After thinking a moment the president replied, “Why that would be ‘aunt’ I believe.” Joe was silent for a moment and then said, “Oh-oh, in that case do you have an eraser?” (I just thought a Joe the Veep joke would be a good change of pace)………z

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  30. B Obama, Moochelle, and a Kenseyian economist are out for a drive, when the Car gets stuck in a ditch.

    I think the problem is that taxes aren’t high enough says the economist.
    I can fix it yells Barry, and proceeds to jam a trillion dollars under the car and sets the money on fire.

    Forget this says Moochelle, I’m on vacation.

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  31. Obama was raised Indonesian,

    As a young man lived quite Dionysian.

    From Wright, Ayers, Dohrn,
    Alinsky; he learned scorn

    For governance not strictly Keynesian.

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  32. Carolyn – If you ain’t getting moderated you ain’t trying hard enough! It’s a badge of respect that each of us wear with pride and attempt to achieve with each of our posts!

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  33. Obama runs into a building…..

    He should have taken the bucket off his head so he could see where he was going!

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  34. Obama walks into a door at the White House…

    … he should have taken the bucket off his head … oh wait…

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  35. Americans went to the polls and Obama got 53% of the popular vote….Still wishing that was just a joke!

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