Straight Line of the Day: Just After Winning, Obama…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Just after winning, Obama…
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November 7th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
…made corrections to the stock market.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
…ate a dog, obviously.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Praise Allah
November 7th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
forgot the “d” after praise…
November 7th, 2012 at 12:17 pm
…was heard uttering…”holy crap…I’m gonna need some new golf clubs”…
November 7th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
… went golfing
…discovered new ways to double the deficit, again.
…hid his birth certificate in a different safe.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Blamed Bush
November 7th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
…sent a note to Panetta, “OK, send out the military ballots now.”
November 7th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Published a children’s book, Obamallard the Lame Duck.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Burned the Book of Mormon
November 7th, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Ruger, Colt and Remington CEO’s toasted the new adminstration and sent sent more furniture to their estates in Austrailia.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:48 pm
oops. Should have started that with “found out”.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
…gave his comrades a double back-pat bro hug.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:50 pm
…sent Michelle on a loooooong vacation
November 7th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I expected Obama’s speech to be a little closer to this:
“…the Republican’s attempt on my presidency has left my term scarred, and deformed. But I assure you, my resolve has NEVER been stronger!”
“The remaining Tea Partiers will be hunted down and defeated!
“In order to assure the security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first American Empire! For a safe and secure society!”
November 7th, 2012 at 12:57 pm
….rubbed his hands together gleefully and started thinking up new taxes.
November 7th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
…added a chair to Mt. Rushmore.
November 7th, 2012 at 1:10 pm
… got his head stuck in a bucket
…accepted an offer for a new set of clothes
November 7th, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Michelle brought Obama an Arrogant Bastard Ale, and he got her a Raging Bitch IPA.
November 7th, 2012 at 1:38 pm
…thanked the millions of dead people, illegals and black panthers for their support.
…was caught on a hot mic whispering to mooch-elle, “holy $s!t they fell for it.”
…frowned as the thought of having to put up with another four years of Biden crept into his mind.
…made a mental checklist of foreign leaders he has to be sure to bow to in the next four years.
November 7th, 2012 at 2:01 pm
…instituted a catch and release program on all uteri.
…extended the gun free zone around him to include any United States of America he happens to be in at the time.
…mandated all color charts include 18 shades lighter than Condoleezza Rice as black. 87 when he goes shirtless.
November 7th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
…told Putin, “I’m more flexible now. Tell me what position you want me in, Honeybun!”
November 7th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
…moved all his cash to The Cayman Islands.
November 7th, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Cleansed himself with the Constitution. Yet again.
November 7th, 2012 at 3:04 pm
lit a fire, just to watch it burn.
November 7th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
challenged Clint Eastwood to a game of musical chairs.
November 7th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
…oiled the hinge on his belly and fueled up Air Force One.
…went to where he buried the Constitution and got all Gangnamy-ish.
…sent out a tweet in Arabic taking full credit for the last four years, promises more.
November 7th, 2012 at 3:31 pm
…wrote another memoir to better explain how awesome he finds himself.
November 7th, 2012 at 4:07 pm
…promised to help sort out the the mess the economy’s been in for the last four years that he inherited.
November 7th, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I give up. I’m done with politics. I quit. Goodbye.
November 7th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
…took credit for the fact no new hurricanes have hit the US since he was reelected.
November 7th, 2012 at 8:11 pm
… jumped up and was like, “YES! That’s right!” Then he high-fived everyone, did the running man, the worm, jumped up and down, and got really crazy and had a doughnut in front of Michelle. But he didn’t spike the football.
November 7th, 2012 at 10:14 pm
laughed at the crowd, made Michelle take off her shoes & pointed to the kitchen, opened a bottle of stoli and shouted “Я король” ( I am the king) bitches!
November 7th, 2012 at 10:43 pm
… was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize again. It was just as well earned as it was last time.
November 8th, 2012 at 12:08 am
…peeled Joe Biden off a cocktail waitress and told him to sober up because they were going to be on TV soon.
November 8th, 2012 at 12:49 am
told the Muslim Brotherhood to call back later, citing “too soon. We don’t want to make it THAT obvious!”
November 8th, 2012 at 10:07 am
…pulled up his mid-east map and put an X through Israel, saying “So Long Suckers”
November 8th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
began building his temple.
November 8th, 2012 at 7:26 pm
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