Straight Line of the Day: In the New ‘Reboot’ Version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…

Posted on December 6, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…

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35 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: In the New ‘Reboot’ Version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    …was renamed A Charlie African-American Holiday-mess as Brown was deemed too racist, and Christmas too religion.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …er ‘religious’

  3. DamnCat says:

    …Obama invites Snoopy to be the “guest of honor” at the White House Christmas dinner.

  4. rodney dill says:

    The voice of Charlie Brown was redubbed by Kanye West.

  5. rodney dill says:

    A hedonist bacchanalia breaks out with the arrival of Elmo.

  6. Greg says:

    Linus is hauled away in chains fo rquoting Scripture on school grounds.

  7. rodney dill says:

    The dance sequence is reprised with Outkast’s, ‘Hey Ya’ and
    the show finishes with the song, “Lift Every Voice, and Sing.”

  8. The Jinxmedic says:

    A darker, more gritty Charlie Brown Christmas. He. Will. Be. Avenged.

  9. zzyx says:

    Charley Brown converts to islam and beheads Lucy.

  10. Genghis Khen says:

    Schroeder mows down Lucy with an automatic assault rifle and quips: “How about them Jingle Bells.”

  11. John Winkler says:

    we see Lucy pull the football away in super slow-mo and bullet-time

  12. EJ says:

    …a gritty, hard-drinking Charlie (voiced by Jeff Bridges) sets out on a mission of vengeance after someone kills Linus and steals his Christmas tree, only to discover that the killer is one of his own friends, and the theft of the tree is part of a larger scheme with dire consequences, leading to an violence-packed race against time to save Christmas itself.

  13. zzyx says:

    Naw EJ…too Jewish.

  14. Mrs. C says:

    Seeing a large, decorated tree in the window down the street, and after watching that family enjoy a hearty Christmas feast with all the trimmings she laments over; Peppermint Patty leads the kids to occupy that home and take their “Fair Share.”

    After his WWI Flying Ace fantasy, Snoopy is put on trial for war crimes.

  15. Mxymaster says:

    …called “Downtown Charlie Brown,” Charlie shows the kids the real meaning of Kwanzaa by organizing a “Quid Pro Quo” march from Detroit to D.C.

  16. Bill54 says:

    Now, EJ, I think I already saw that movie….

  17. Matt Musson says:

    Lucy pulls the football away…

    Charlie Brown kicks Lucy in the head, sending the severed mellon throught the
    uprights – and Notre Dame wins in overtime!

  18. Kent says:

    In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’… Snoopy has to perform a doghouse abortion on Sally after she conceives Linus’s love child because the much needed birth control that the newly introduced Sandra Fluke character cried out for had to be paid for out of pocket.

  19. rodney dill says:

    The new Bill Clinton Peanuts character, in a hoodie, follows Lucy around muttering, “I haven’t seen a mouth like that since…”

  20. g says:

    Woodstock is a souless drone programmed with Obama’s kill list, the rest of the peanuts gang is the republican congress and in the end everyone’s chestnuts are roasting on an open fire.

  21. rodney dill says:

    Instead of saying Good Grief, Charlie Brown channels Frank Constanza and shouts “SERENITY NOW!”

  22. rodney dill says:

    During this new ‘Festivus’ version Lucy dominates all the ‘Airing of Grievances’ time during the Festivus meal. Charlie Brown, Linus, Schroeder, and Snoopy compete in the ‘Feats of Strength,’ until Snoopy accidently eats Woodstock. Sally and Freida perform some rather risque routines on the ‘Festivus Pole,’ which oddly enough doesn’t have anything to do with traditional Festivus traditions….

  23. Jimmy says:

    You guys are sick. In the rebooted version, there is no Christmas.

  24. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …Pigpen finds his calling with ‘Occupy Wall Street.’

    …the ending includes the wedding of Peppermint Patty and Marcie.

  25. Dohtimes says:

    …the Peanuts gang rejoices as they sing carols to the baby Obama in a manger under the Kwanzaa tree.

    …the school nurse hands out special Christmas condoms and lecture them that Science! proves that global warming is caused by white people.

    …the Volt bursts into flame, killing Santa.

    …Linus uses a Big Bird toy to show the police where Harry Reid touched him.

  26. Dohtimes says:

    …Charlie gets lost and alone in Detroit when Christmas is saved as he loots an Apple Store during a riot.

    …Lucy is jailed for being a bully and it’s The Best Christmas Ever!!!

    …the Browns are unable to find work or buy presents. Luckily at the last minute Obama arrives and tells them that they are atheists and don’t celebrate Christmas.

  27. CTCompromise says:

    …the part where Linus quotes “The book of Luke” is overdubbed with quotes from “An Inconvient Truth” and the singing of “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” is overdubbed by kindergartners chanting “Barak Hussein Obama…MMM MMM MM!”

  28. CTCompromise says:

    ….Schroeder admits to Lucy that he is gay, and proposes to Linus.

  29. CTCompromise says:

    ..The title is “Charlie Brown Enjoys Winter” and all Christmas references are removed. The toy ads are longer than the show.

  30. Writer says:

    Snoopy serves as the main course of the Christmas feast, and the Angel on the tree bears a startling resemblance to the current P-resident.

  31. Manolo says:

    In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…entering their twilight years and fearing they’ll lose their Syndication Security checks, the Peanuts gang experience “white guilt” and elect Franklin as the lead character.

  32. Manolo says:

    In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…Snoopy-shan takes to the skies as the “Red Chairman,” piloting a J-31 Shenyang in glorious aerial combat against capitalist dogs when his aircraft is stricken and he must bail out over South Korea. Snoopy-shan crawls through the DMZ to the safety of North Korea, where he is spirited north to an awaiting reeducation camp for embarrassing the beloved President Xi Jinping.

  33. Manolo says:

    In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…feeling depressed, Charlie Brown visits Lucy Van Pelt at her affordable psychiatry booth, only to learn that under the Affordable Care Act her rates have gone up from a nickel to $35.63 cents to cover the cartoon characters that refuse to get health insurance, and that Lucy must disclose to the government that he’s being treated for a mental health issue and isn’t allowed to possess firearms. That night, BATFE agents storm Charlie’s house to look for guns and “inadvertently” shoot Snoopy and Woodstock as menacing pets.

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …the Great Pumpkin has decided that entries were no longer accepted after 10:44.

  35. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “In the new ‘reboot’ version of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’…” […]

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