Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Moment During the Pope’s Farewell Speech…

Posted on March 1, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most surprising moment during the Pope’s farewell speech

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70 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Moment During the Pope’s Farewell Speech…”

  1. Jimmy says:

    …was when Joe Biden fired his shotgun.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …was when he said, “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

  3. rodney dill says:

    …was when he read from the book of Armaments.

  4. Eric Praline says:

    …was when Michelle Obama announced the nominees for new Pope.

  5. Apostic says:

    …was Dennis Rodman and the Harlem Globetrotters showing up to challenge the Vatican Cardinals.

  6. rodney dill says:

    …was when a cardinal corrected him as follows:
    1) Sip the wine, don’t gulp.
    2) There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
    3) There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
    4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
    8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out him.
    9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
    10) We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T’.
    11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, “Take this and eat it, for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
    12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as ‘Mary with the Cherry’.
    13) Recommended grace before a meal is not ‘Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God’.
    14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

  7. Jimmy says:

    …was when he said, “I’m no longer infallible. So, back-off, Jack!”

  8. Greg says:

    was when Rahm Emmanuel challenged him to a cage match.

  9. Eric Praline says:

    …was when he did the Harlem Shake.

  10. Eric Praline says:

    …was when Kanye West interrupted him.
    “Imma let you finnish Holy Father…”

  11. storm1911 says:

    …. the Pope announced that is was he who shot J. R.

  12. Apostic says:

    …was when the Popemobile transformed into the Autobot “Holy Roller.”

  13. Eric Praline says:

    @#10 I guess Kanye doesn’t know Benedict XVI is German not Finnish.

  14. Jimmy says:

    …was when Father Guido Sarducci threw his hat into the ring.

  15. James says:

    Joe Biden gave him a shotgun as a going away present

    Hilary Clinton annouced she would be a candiate

    Benedict was happy that he could catch up on last season of “The Borgias”

  16. gsmtiger says:

    …was when he nominated Obama to be the next pope.

  17. Eric Praline says:

    …was when he spent 10 minutes complaining about spending so much time coming up with sequester punchlines only to have Harvey dash his hopes.

  18. Apostic says:

    …was when he veered into Lou Gherig mode. “Today (-ay-ay-ay) I consider myself (-elf-elf-elf) the holiest pontif on the face of the Earth (-rth -rth -rth).”

  19. gsmtiger says:

    …was when the wind didn’t blow his robes all over the place.

  20. g says:

    … “While i can’t say specifically what was revealed at Fatima, Obama figured prominently, and I don’t wan’t to be around to see how it plays out.”

  21. rodney dill says:

    …was when the flying nun airlifted him to his new abode.

  22. Jimmy says:

    …was when the Cardinals realized how much it would cost to keep a “Pope Emeritus.”

  23. Jimmy says:

    …was when millions of American Catholics wished that President Obama would perform a similar abdication.

  24. Ernie Loco says:

    …was when the Pope finished his remarks with, “Now I may have 99 problems, but the church ain’t one.”

  25. Nate says:

    When he listed the parade of horrible’s we can expect due to the sequester. Wait… wrong guy.

  26. rodney dill says:

    …was when he Tebowed

  27. DamnCat says:

    …was when he said “I’m gettin’ too old for this sh!t.”

  28. FormerHostage says:

    …was when Michelle Obama introduced him via satellite.

    …was the crowd holding up BIC lighters and yelling “Freebird!”

    …was the impromptu mosh pit.

  29. Jimmy says:

    …was when asked what he was going to do next, he didn’t say “I’m going to Disneyland!”

  30. Greg says:

    was when he announced he had always preferred to go “full commando” under the robes

  31. Jimmy says:

    …was refusing to take questions on the Church’s sex scandals, saying, “Hey, that’s why I’m leaving this crummy job. You can’t handle the truth.”

  32. Cliff says:

    …was “fiber, I need more fiber man”

  33. Jimmy says:

    …was when he blurted out, “Oh Lordy, is it soup yet?”

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …was saying his only plan for the future was to go into the woods and look for a pooping bear.

  35. Dohtimes says:

    …the confused look on Eric Clapton”s face when the Pope ended with a blistering guitar solo.

    …was admitting that the likelihood of a TSA pat-down was why he was canceling his plans to move to West Virginia to practice for the afterlife.

  36. Drew says:

    …is that, indeed, he actually does sh!t in the woods.

  37. a guy named Rob says:

    …was when he said “I’m out, bitches!” and dropped the mic as he walked off stage

    …Was when he delivered his speech in Klingon

    …was when Michele Obama showed up on a projection screen behind him and announced who the next pope will be

  38. rodney dill says:

    ….was when he said, “All you kids get offa my lawn.”

  39. Sharky says:

    … was when he was served a subpoena for a paternity suit filed by Sandra Fluke.

  40. HokieGomer says:

    …was the guest muscians Pussy Riot.

    …was when he used the moment to introduce his new line of Vatican hygiene products, Pope-On-A-Rope.

    …was when the Bishop knelt down to kiss his ring, it buzzed.

  41. Jimmy says:

    …was when he announced that he was NOT part of Obama’s sequester, but his own.

    (See, this is a good, clean, highly-cultured joke.)

  42. CarolyntheMommy says:

    …. was when he admonished Obama for copying Napoleon and crowning himself rather than letting the Pope do it

    …. was when he yelled at all the people outside to get off his lawn

  43. rodney dill says:


    (See, this is a good, clean, highly-cultured joke.)

    So what the heck is it doing here?

  44. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …was when he said, “You won’t have Benedict to kick around anymore.”

    …was at the end when there was a bright flash and big puff of smoke, and when it cleared you could see the former Pope running off wearing an Hawaiian shirt and a fedora.

  45. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …when he said, “Fight the real enemy,” and tore up a picture of Sinead O’Connor.

  46. rodney dill says:

    …was when he sang

    Always look on the bright side of life.

  47. Jimmy says:

    …was when one of the Cardinals announced there would be no Benediction at the end of the ceremony.

    (ba da ding ding ding… dong.)

  48. jw says:

    …was when he cried, “April Fool’s! i ain’t really leavin’!”

  49. DamnCat says:

    …was when he summed up his time as pope saying “If my pontificate was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through.”

  50. Dohtimes says:

    …the pause for John Travolta’s exorcism took almost three minutes.

    …was wishing Obama would read the Ten Commandments out loud so his supporters would follow their saviors words.

  51. Jimmy says:

    @43: “So what the heck is it doing here?”

    Maybe, representing multiculturalism??? Yeah, that’s it. IMAO needs more multiculture. Frank is promoting that.

  52. Son of Bob says:

    …was when Taylor Swift came out to sing the new song she wrote about their breakup.

  53. Son of Bob says:

    …is that somehow someone was able to make a speech without mentioning Obama.

  54. Oppo says:

    .. was his apology for the way that priests had become fishers of men.

    … was the fact that he would now have to live on a crucifixed income.

    … was that he took his 401K. … Not 401(K), mind you; but 401K.

    … was when the Church announced it would be under new wordofGodmadefleshinmanagement.

    … was that he was Holy Seequestered.

    … was that he was Gallileed off.

    … (without Easter bennies.)

    … was the ambiguity of his statement “That’s it. No more papal bull.”

    … was his use of the Latin term for “handbasket.”

    … was his observation that Obama was going to enter Jerusalem next month, and constantly mumbling “gettin’ out while the gettin’s good.”

  55. Crabby Old Bat says:

    . . . was when he tore up a picture of Sinead O’Connor, said, “Du kannst mir am Arsch lecken, Hure” and provided the opportunity.

  56. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Oops, sorry, just saw that Bob in Feenicks # 45 sorta beat me to it. His was much more polite, however.

  57. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Rodney Dill #6: Recommended grace before a meal is not ‘Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God’.

    If one is a Girl Scout, however, it is perfectly acceptable to say, “Good bread, good meat, good God, let’s eat.”

  58. Writer says:

    . . . acknowledged his leaving was to make room for Jesus’ return and his subsequent battle with Obama for our souls.

  59. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … he told everyone he is the real Keyser Sozay

  60. CTCompromise says:

    …Was when he started with “NOBODY expects a Papal Abdication!”

  61. CTCompromise says:

    …was when he ended with a stiff right-arm salute from the balcony and a “Seig Heil” ringing through the square. You can take the German Youth out of Germany…..

  62. CTCompromise says:

    …was when he ended it by ripping off the robe to reveal that he was only wearing a Speedo and the Ruby Slippers; then clicking his heels three times while saying “There’s no place like home”.

  63. CTCompromise says:

    …was when he tossed The Holy Handgernade. However, since he mistakenly stopped counting at “2” in order to cover his ears, catastophe was averted.

  64. CTCompromise says:

    …when he ended the speech and Johnny Paycheck singing “Take This Job And Shove It” blared over the speakers as he made his exit.

  65. CTCompromise says:

    ….when he admitted he was Jewish.

  66. CTCompromise says:

    ….was when he admitted he was leaving the church because Jamie Foxx made him realize that Obama was our true Lord and Saviour.

  67. Dohtimes says:

    …was making sure our souls were not endangered by declaring Earth a sin free zone until the next Pope is selected.

    …admitting he was retiring because it was discovered all popes had been wearing their hats backward for over six hundred years.

    …whenever the crowd became unruly, loud or sneaky, Jill Biden ran out and fired her shotgun to clear St. Peters Square, and she also used it to “restore” much of the Sistine Chapel’s overly religious depictions to a more suitable separation of church and the state of grace theme Joe likes so much.

  68. Writer says:

    . . . was his last edict stating that: No Catholic shall partake of mind -altering substances for Lent.

    It was followed by a riot across the U. S.

  69. ColoradoRight says:

    … was when he lead the crowd in doing the Harlem Shake

  70. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The most surprising moment during the Pope’s farewell speech…” […]

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