Archive of entries posted on 22nd March 2013

Cheery Thought For the Day

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[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]
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The Titanic of the blue state might have crashed, and yep, the Europeans (bless their hearts) are floating atop the grand piano and acting all superior.

But we are Americans, fergadssake. The grand piano isn’t good enough, and those d*mn bureaucrats provided too few lifeboats.

Which is why, in the time left, a few of us are building a paddle boat out of the deck chairs, the bandstand, the chimney stack and the dining room chandelier.

Come on and lend a hand, or at least get out of the way.

We’re Americans. We’ll survive this. And what’s more, we’ll do it big and splashy. American style.

Rumors of our demise are greatly exaggerated.
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Bloomberg’s Next Ban?

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[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]

“The grass-conscious mayor made the comment just hours before the judge ruled against the controversial ban and also discussed the prevalence of walking among low-income families. “With so many poor yards suffering the worst of this epidemic… It would be irresponsible not to try to do everything we can to save the turf,” Bloomberg said.

Speaking of Hatless, some brilliant additions to Frank’s #ObamaSatan hashtag list.

Komrade Michelle Leads Glorious Nation’s Youth in Healthy Revolution

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Chicago, IL (NPN State News Service) – The picturesque scene at the McCormick Place convention center in Chicago was one of true patriotism and revolution as the Dear Leader’s glorious and most beautiful wife, Comrade Michelle led our great nation’s youth in a new revolution against being a fat and lazy citizen. In an effort to mark the occasion, these young revolutionary comrades starved themselves for many hours in protest of evil greedy capitalist excess.

Our brave police forces helping out.

Our brave police forces helping out.

Said one young revolutionary, Comrade Kevin Archer a 3rd grader at Novak King Elementary School, “I do this for the revolution and to stop being fat. No good citizen should be fat. Being fat is being a capitalist traitor. I am feeling a bit sick now though.”

Comrade Michelle gives a powerful speech.

Comrade Michelle gives a powerful speech.


Many of these brave youth were near fainting when Comrade Michelle made her appearance after hours of waiting for the beginning of these glorious festivities. In an effort to keep our young comrades from failing in their duties, blessed members of our revolutionary police forces helped prop up our young heroes. Not a one of these brave children left their post during the ceremony as our brave police forces kept them from falling over with the butt of their rifles.

As Comrade Michelle delicately floated across the stage to deliver her speech, the young revolutionaries cheered as the band played our national anthem. Before speaking, a great and glorious image of our Dear Leader was gently lowered from above the stage so that all may bask in his wonder and salute the savior of our great and glorious nation. Some of the young revolutionaries, weak from hunger, were helped to salute by our brave police forces.

Comrade Michelle looked out over the glorious future of our glorious nation and said “You, comrades, are the future of our glorious nation! You are showing the rest of our comrades how to live in a patriotic way, without food and excess. It is you who will continue the revolution and destroy the capitalist fatties!”

Comrade Michelle’s speech lasted for an hour and was followed by many glorious celebrities and athletes praising the Dear Leader and decrying the evils of eating food and becoming fat like a traitorous capitalist.

Our Glorious Leader

Our Glorious Leader

One NBA basketball player said “I didn’t get to where I am today by eating food. I did it through hard work and exercise. I did it through using government programs and not through capitalism. I am where I am today by not eating and through the glorious graces of our Dear Leader, Barrack Obama!”

This was met by great cheers from the youth, as directed by our brave police forces.

The event climaxed in a spirited chant of “No Food! Let’s Move!” and then ended with another basking of and saluting the glorious countenance of our Glorious Dear Leader atop a white stallion holding the world within his fist.

After the event, one of the teachers who had helped bring these young revolutionaries to the event was heard saying “Yeah let’s move…because there’s no food!” The unidentified teacher was last seen chatting with our brave police forces.

[Cross posted at Nukingpolitics]

Wisdom of the Day: Sketch Machine Gun AT&T Blockbuster

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Obamacare Turns Three

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Obamacare is 3-years-old today and getting ready to get into its really destructive toddler stage. The pain comes next year, but the anticipation of its economic destruction has already retarded job growth in all the companies wary of it, so there’s that.

I still remember it’s birth. Everyone was like, “Help us, Obama! The economy is horrible and we need jobs!” And Obama was like, “I don’t care about that. Here’s a massively expensive health care scheme instead!” And now businesses are struggling to breath with this new boot on their neck — and it hasn’t even really started yet.

Luckily, Obama was reelected, so he’ll be around to help businesses in the Obamacare transition from fear to pain. They’ll come to him with their complaints, and he’ll smile and nod and think about golf.

Anyway, happy birthday Obamacare. You’ll have to eat the cake to find out what it’s in it.

Don’t eat the cake.

Only the Dumbest Gun Control Proponents Are Left

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The leftover few who are still hardily for gun control are apparently the dumbest and those most incapable of any the most basic rational thought when guns are involved. As evidence, look at the absolutely moronic NY gun laws that were passed and now having to be amended because they were too stupid to work with.

“Duh… end up there is no such ting as a 7-round magazine. Me governor.”

They’re talking about changing the ban on magazines over 7-rounds since they realized there aren’t like any magazines that size and it’s completely unworkable. Instead, you’ll only be allowed to load seven rounds into your magazines. So criminals getting ready to murder people: You’re on the honor system. Please only load seven rounds in your gun.

Can you come up with any scenario — and you’re allowed to us science fiction things like aliens and telepathy — where this law will even slightly inconvenience a criminal? It’s like they don’t even care about murderers and other violent people out there — they just want to want to mindlessly pester law-abiding gun owners. That’s the only other explanation than that the the NY government is so dumb that they should have to wear helmets at all times for their own protection.

Thus there are only two good outcomes to this situation: All of the NY government is locked up in an asylum for the criminally stupid where they can no longer harm themselves or others or all the government is exiled to Antarctica for their malicious assault on their own citizens. Anything other than those two outcomes is a travesty.

Random Thoughts: Gun Laws, Daring, and Cats

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Remember to like me on Twitter. You do that by tweeting at me, “I like you!”

I have to manually tally up those likes, though, making it harder to figure out my self-worth than on Facebook.

Finished first draft on a short story. Not sure what I do with short stories though. I just needed something to work on while I let the 1st draft of a novel sit a while before I get to working on the 2nd draft.

So in New York, they’re going to stop violence by telling criminal they’re not allowed to load more than 7 bullets in their magazines?

Everyone who voted for that stupid gun bill in NY needs to be locked up in a dumb asylum where they can no longer hurt themselves or others.

I’m glad I’m neither an optimist nor a pessimist because I have more important things to do than constantly make judgments on water glasses.

The new NY gun law is just hard to deal with because it’s so breathtakingly stupid on so many different levels.

It’s not like the problem with violence in NY is that criminals have 3 too many bullets in their magazines.

And it doesn’t even limit criminals to 7 bullets, because they can just use out of state magazines (since they’re criminals).

But it doesn’t even ban in state magazine larger than 7 rounds — you’re just on the honor system to load your magazine with only 7 rounds.

And a criminal ready to murder someone is totally going to follow the honor system and only load 7 rounds in his magazine.

There is no conceivable way this law will even slightly inconvenience a criminal. It’s only going to pester law-abiding gun owners.

This law is so horrible, justice won’t be served until everyone involved with it is exiled to Antarctica never to return here.

Looking at the gun control crowd, maybe I should write a self-help book called “Coping with Losing a Political Argument.”

How DARE you, sir!
How dare YOU, sir!
How dare you, SIR!
You, sir, the daring — what’s up with that?

Just practicing my righteous indignation.

No, I’m happily married; I won’t have sex with you. Stop asking, women.

I’m non-partisan. Why aren’t I tax-free?

If you put a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters, they’d soon produce the greatest YouTube video ever made.

The reason Barack Obama was reelected was all politics.

The left are keep trying to surgically separate freedom and responsibility, but freedom always dies in that operation.

Wow, watching the cat play with a mouse is one of the cruelest things ever. Just kill it, you psychopathic freak!

Got the mouse away from the cat and drowned it (the mouse, that is).

They talk about human cruelty to animals, but we’re the only species who seems to care about this sort of thing.

Thanks to these mice, I have a much better kills to death ratio in real life than I do in Call of Duty.

Online games were so much easier back in college when I had the best ping on the planet.

Obama Warned Us

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“That is the true genius of America, a faith in the simple dreams of its people, the insistence on small miracles. That we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door. That we can have an idea and start our own business without paying a bribe or hiring somebody’s son. That we can participate in the political process without fear of retribution, and that our votes will be counted — or at least, most of the time.”

–BARACK OBAMA, speech at 2004 Democratic Convention

Most people who heard that speech assumed the snarky little “most of the time” comment at the end only applied to the preceding phrase on voting – just a cheap shot at the 2000 presidential election results.

Turns out he also meant it to apply to “sudden knock at the door”, “paying a bribe”, “hiring somebody’s son”, and most definitely to “fear of retribution”.

And now I find myself wondering if “most of the time” was a clumsy “Aliens” reference:


[YouTube direct link]