You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “According to the NATO manual, the first rule of cyber warfare…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Pop Quiz

[High Praise! to Teri O’Brien]

Guess who said this, and what “this epidemic” is:

“with so many poor neighborhoods suffering the worst of this epidemic… it would be irresponsible not to,” he said.

“People are dying every day. This is not a joke,” he said. “We’re talking about lives versus profits.”

[Highlight white text below for answer]

Barack Obama on why we must stop violent, inner-city drug gangs in Chicago.

Just kidding.

It’s Mayor Bloomberg trying to use obesity to justify his attempted ban on serving soda in containers larger than 16 ounces.

So… did you get it right?

Proof That Liberals Aren’t Hypocrites

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

Exit question: Um… is that a dude in drag? I wish I saw a jaw that manly in my mirror.

This Is How LCDR Data Plays Golf


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #390,957)

Yeah, this is also what Basil sounds like to me when he’s doing blog tech support.

So… what do you suppose Obama is thinking when he plays golf?

Reverse Psychology and Salesmanship

[High Praise! to I’m a Man! I’m 41!]

Link of the Day: My New Favorite Joke

[High Praise! to The Political Commentator]

Politics and rats!

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Castlevania Biden Gang Cab Souls Beyoncé

Obama Warned Us – Partisanship

If we think that we can secure our country by just talking tough without acting tough and smart, then we will misunderstand this moment and miss its opportunities. If we think that we can use the same partisan playbook where we just challenge our opponent’s patriotism to win an election, then the American people will lose. The times are too serious for this kind of politics.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, Aug. 19, 2008

Turns out that “we” in the first sentence refers to “liberals”, but in the second sentence, “we” actually means “anyone who isn’t a liberal”.

And if you, the American people, question his patriotism, you will lose because Obama will kill you with a drone.

Serious times, indeed.

Now THIS Is a Vaguely Gun-Shaped Object That Needs Banning

[High Praise! to iOwnTheWorld]

11 Warning Labels for Guns

Well Michael Bloomberg is pouring $12 million more into gun control ads, but the ads no longer mention an “assault weapon” ban. Apparently, the gun control people are trying to take baby steps, finding more modest proposal so they can get at least one victory to build on to slowly work towards confiscation of all guns. With everything else failing, one innocuous idea is just to make it mandatory that guns have warning labels on them. Here’s what those could possibly be:

WARNING LABELS FOR GUNS

* “CAUTION: Not to be used orally.”

* “WARNING: Do not place in microwave.”

* “WARNING: Fires bullets.”

* “CAUTION: Not for use in mass murders.”

* “WARNING: Noise hazard; do not use near sleeping babies.”

* “WARNING: Mere existence can cause incoherent thinking in some leftists.”

* “SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Guns are a leading cause of death for rapists.”

* “CAUTION: Objects holding a gun can appear cooler than they are.”

* “WARNING: Make sure to keep away from children, monkeys, and tyrants.”

* “CAUTION: Point only toward things you want dead.”

* “EXTREME WARNING: Obama won’t like you if you own this.”

Straight Line of the Day: Two Popes Walk Into a Bar…

(Suggested by CarolynTheMommy [High Praise!])

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Two Popes walk into a bar…

8 Features of the Democrats’ New Budget

The Democrats in the Senate finally passed a budget and it only took them fours years to finally do their job. It’s unlikely to pass the House, but they get a C for effort (up from their usual F). So what’s in the budget? Here are some of the features:

FEATURES IN THE DEMOCRATS NEW BUDGET

* As long as the country has consistent growth, it will balance the budget in the year 3562.

* It includes a trillion more in tax hikes — most of that money going towards scientific research on new things they can hike taxes on.

* Continues to fund Cowboy Poetry Festivals, finding the money by cutting school vouchers.

* To get things to add up, it includes some non-standard numbers like eleventy-three and a few imaginary numbers.

* Gets a lot of saving by replacing costly trials with drone strikes.

* There’s billions in new investments for green companies, or if suitable green companies can’t be found, there’s a clause to just do the quicker thing and burn the money.

* Includes funding to continue to come up with names for new, absurdly large numbers so we can continue to keep track of the national debt.

* Funds putting together another budget in another four years, though that can go towards a pizza party instead.

Random Thoughts: The Rich, Sequels, and the Sequester

Republican leaders are rich people who want others to be rich. Democrat leaders are rich people who resent that anyone else is rich.

Have gun control proponents tried making overwrought, emotional appeals?

Kinda Sorta Remember What You Did Ten Summers Ago #WorstSequels

Alienses #WorstSequels

12 Angry Men and a Baby #WorstSequels

Games that automatically go into gameplay, skipping the main menu, the first time you start them up, it’s a cute idea but don’t do that.

So far the only actual impacts I’ve heard from the sequester are extremely privileged people being minorly inconvenienced.

IMAO for Kindle

imaokindleNot sure if you’ve noticed, but we’ve added a new button to the posts here. Look down at the bottom of this post. See it? It says “Send to Kindle.”

What does it do? It sends the post to your Kindle.

Now, it helps to actually have a Kindle, although it also works with a phone or tablet that has a Kindle app. Not so much with computers (Macs or PCs), though. But, any Kindle device or device running a Kindle app — anything that allows you to set up a Send-To-Kindle email address.

So, what’s it for? Let’s say you’re starting your day with a healthy dose of IMAO. Only, there’s that meeting you’ve got to prepare for. Or, the alarm didn’t go off. Or you keep wishing you had some IMAO to read later in the day. What do you do?

Run down the list of posts and send the ones you don’t have time to read — or just want to read later — to your Kindle. If there’s more than one Kindle (or Kindle App device) on your Amazon account, you can pick one, or send it to all of them. When the devices sync, the posts will be there for you to read at your leisure.

True, it’s probably only useful to conservatives, who actually have jobs and real deadlines and such. But, we hope it will come in handy for some of you.

Let us know what you think.

The Only Apple Product I’d Be Tempted to Buy

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]