Archive of entries posted on 12th March 2013

Wisdom of the Day: Asexual Monkey Dictators Capricious Sidecar

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The Unbalanced Approach

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In care you were thinking there was any actual balance to Obama’s “balanced approach,” he wants to dispel you of that notion as Obama has said he has no intentions of balancing the budget. Then why does he even want to raise taxes if he doesn’t seem to care how much debt we get? I guess it’s that the more money in people’s pockets, the more freedom they have, and thinking of people having lots of freedom make Obama break out in hives.

Time for Random, Idiotic Laws that Only Affect Politicians

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So, Bloomberg’s soda ban got struck down by a judge who called it “arbitrary and capricious.” I’m not sure Bloomberg understood that as a criticism. Don’t the left think politicians entire job is inflicting, arbitrary capricious ideas on the public? Like look at Obamacare; it’s just some arbitrary garbage hacked together no one even fully understands and now I’m going to have to pay more at one of my favorite restaurants.

The infuriating thing is that these politicians never suffer any consequences for their idiocy. What we really need to do is start inflicting arbitrary, capricious ideas on them. And that would actually make sense as they are our servants and we can tell them to do whatever — not the other way around. So if we want Bloomberg to have to sing and dance the Lollipop Guild song on request, then he must. And if we decide a president is never allowed to golf, then Obama must stay off the golf course or be tasered. And if you want us to leave you alone, you leave us alone. Deal?

Random Thoughts: Soda and Judd

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Idea: A reality show where people compete to see who is better at punching each other.

No, not boxing; I don’t want the outcomes to be staged.

If I were a NYC business, I’d switch the medium soda to being 17ozs from now on. Because freedom.

Do we need to send the national guard into NYC to protect people getting Big Gulps?

The reason for that law is that if more than 16oz of sugary soda is poured on Mayor Bloomberg, he’ll melt.

Bloomberg is prepared for this. He never thought arbitrarily trampling people’s rights would be easy.

It would be nice if once Obama suffered consequences from his own stupidity.

There should be a huge, punitive tax for voting for politicians who support more taxes.

Seeing how asinine some elected officials are, you have to take every idiot running for higher office seriously.

Nixon sounded like a horrible president. Created the EPA. Wanted a handgun ban. And… I forget the third thing.

Someone needs to trick Bloomberg into saying his name backwards to send him back to his own dimension.

Or is the way to beat Bloomberg to guess his real name within three days of him passing a law?

I write silly stuff because I started when I was 23 and it just felt silly lecturing people at that age. Still feel that way at 33. But less so.

Oh, but when I’m 60, get ready for some major lectures!

How can Ashley Judd be a senator if she can’t even stop bees from stinging her face?

We need to stop this endless war and stick to secretly assassinating all dictators. Make it look like God smote them or something.

Ashley Judd is going to star in a movie where a woman becomes a U.S. Senator. Only in Hollywood! “Nothing in the Constitution says the Senator has to be a man.”

I don’t know if Ashley Judd has the fire in the belly to run for office, but she certainly has the puffiness in the face.

McConnell 2014: “If his face was puffy, he’d tell you why.”

No worries of Mitch McConnell embarrassing his state with a nude scene; he always wears cutoffs, even in the shower. #NeverNude

I’m scientifically proven to be funny. If you don’t find me funny, 98% of the time that’s because of a brain tumor.

Ashley Judd will do nude scenes, but only if the debate questions require it.

Where I come from, we’ve a word for women who take off their clothes for money: actress. Guess it’s same word, but connotation is different.

Are there actually any congressmen in real life as smart and as competent as Frank Underwood?

In prehistoric times, Chihuahuas were the size of bears.