Archive of entries posted on 5th March 2013

Note to Liberals: Stop Saying We Hate Widows & Orphans

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[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]

I don’t want to throw grandma over the cliff. I don’t want the poor to starve in the dark. But if we give the power to make those decisions to a distant and impersonal entity, that entity will INVARIABLY – even with the best intentions in the world – through omission and commission do exactly that to some grandmas and some poor. And right now we’re headed to a world where we write off the money we send to Washington and are lucky if it isn’t used AGAINST us

Wisdom of the Day: Burgled Old Beard Pit Bull

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Obama, the Abusive Boyfriend

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I’ve before compared Obama to an abusive boyfriend, as his whole reelection campaign was based around convincing an America with low self esteem that the horrible state the country was in was what they deserved and that they’d never find anyone better than him. Well, the abusive boyfriend analogy goes a bit further, because apparently Obama has his cronies verbally abuse his sycophants in the press all the time, and I guess the reporters reaction is to work even harder to get his love.

This is ridiculous, people. You people in the press need to just pack up and leave Obama. He doesn’t love you; he loves power. And golf. You have to get away from him for your own good. This starts out as verbal abuse, but the guy has a violent side and access to drone strikes. This isn’t going to end well.

I Don’t Think I’ll Last Through Another Moderate Candidate for President

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So it looks like Jeb Bush is making news, possibly towards starting a 2016 campaign. This is very scary for me. I don’t know if I could survive another moderate, establishment candidate for president. I still have flashbacks about McCain and Romney and propping up these compromise candidates I never really liked in the first place. I don’t think I have it in me to do it again. I think I’d have to leave the Republican Party. Maybe leave politics all together. Maybe society. I’d just wander the earth, righting wrongs in any small village I’d encounter.

People, we need to find a conservative we can get behind before the Republican Party fades into obscurity led by forgettable moderates. I mean, there has to be one likable conservative candidate we can find. Yes, I know all the good conservatives aren’t in politics — that’s what makes them good conservatives. But hopefully we can find someone.

Again, though, I offer myself. A small handful of people say I’m likable. I’m probably not the best person for the job, as I kind of want it — something that is always a red flag. But if the only other alternative is Jeb, you kind of have to get behind me. We can’t do this again; none of us will last with this many moderate presidential candidate in a row. Each one wither’s your soul just a bit, and too many and you become a soulless partisan. That’s not going to happen to me, man.

Frank J. 2016: Save your soul.

Random Thoughts: Sequester, Jeb Bush, and Mousetraps

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So every other Windows version sucks really horribly (versus just sucks a little).

As far as I understand, both sides really wanted this “horrible” sequester. Bipartisanship!

Per sequester, samurai are running around D.C. cutting 2% of politicians.

The arc of history is long, but it bends toward less silly hats for people in positions of authority.

Any pirate video game should have one button on the controller devoted exclusively to making your character say, “Arr!”

Everything I know about politics I learned from the couple episodes of House of Cards I watched.

I hear the thing people like the least in Man of Steel is Henry Cavill’s Superman voice, which to distinguish from Batman is high-pitched.

“Faux-bama.” I just want to get that out there in case there’s a situation where it’s useful so I can claim credit for coining the term.

According to his own lawyers, absolutely nothing was preventing Obama from taking out both Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman with a drone strike.

The GOP needs to support the government collapsing under its own debt because anything else just won’t play politically.

I’m looking forward to Jeb Bush being the next reasonable, moderate Republican to lead us to an honorable loss.

Cleaned out mouse droppings under the sink and set mouse traps. Think I’ve done my husband work for the day.

Talk about building a better mousetrap — the basic mousetrap design doesn’t look like it’s changed in a hundred years.

iGottahaveit

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The iWatch is coming!

Maybe.

Nobody really knows what it is. But there is all kind of speculation that Apple is building some great new fancy device that you’ve gone your entire life without but once you know about it, won’t be able to live without.

Like the iPod did. Unless you don’t have an iPod.

And like the iPhone. Unless you don’t have an iPhone.

And like the iPad. Unless you don’t have an iPad.

Or a Roku. Oh, wait. Apple didn’t invent the Roku. They got Apple TV though, which is pretty cool, but it’s no Roku. Though it is close.

Anyway, Bloomberg (the news organization, no the idiot mayor) reports that Apple is building something they’re calling the “iWatch” — as in wristwatch.

And, it’ll be an Apple invention. Something nobody would every have thought of before. Ever.

And, you’ll want one. You’ll never know how you got by without it.

Then, it’ll be racist to have one, because the fat unemployed lady with food stamps and an Obamaphone doesn’t have one — even if she’s white and looks like a Honey Boo Boo family member, it’ll still be racist because … SHUT UP!!1!!!.

So, there’ll be a new tax, and your Verizon bill (or whoever runs the service behind the iWatch) will go up so they can fund handing them out to useless people.

iCan hardly wait.

Mocking Joe Biden: You’re Doing It Wrong

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Nate of When in the Course of Human Events [High Praise!] sent me a link to a new Facebook page:

The Legend of Joe Biden

Nate said “I think that will be getting very funny, very quickly.”

I hope Nate’s right, but I’m not holding out much hope for it.

Joe Biden is famous for being a bumbling idiot with an IQ of 30 who stands athwart history yelling “oo! shiny!”

The joke on the “Legend of Joe Biden” page is that he accomplishes legendary feats of prowess like a modern day Paul Bunyan:

Did you know Joe Biden once caught a fish, let it go, and a year to the day, that fish came back to him?

Did you know Joe Biden was in a knife fight for seventeen hours?

Did you know Joe Biden sold his soul for one penny, but that penny bought the Golden Gate Bridge?

It’s the wrong angle to use.

He’s not Daniel Boone, he’s Forrest Gump.

If Joe were on the Enola Gay, the pilot would say “Wow! Look at that mushroom cloud!”, and Joe would respond “And there’s one over there that looks like doggie!”

With Schrödinger’s Cat, you don’t know if it’s dead or alive until you look in the box. With Biden’s cat, you know it’s dead, because Joe’s off in the corner drawing on the wall with crayons, and he forgot to put air holes in the box’s lid.

Anyway, I hope “The Legend of Joe Biden” does a quick course-correction and heads down the right comedic path.

Personally, though, I think they’ll end up Biden’s Cat.