“CPAC?More Like CPAP because I’m falling asleep and a CPAP is a machine people use for sleep apnea.” -Joke I’m working on. #Politics

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) March 15, 2013

If CPAC had any brains, their keynote speaker would be Ron Swanson.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 16, 2013

King Kong is on. Bugs me how they find dinosaurs, giant bugs, etc but only thing they’re impressed with is giant gorilla.

— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) March 16, 2013

I knew the ghost died in 2010 because he was holding an old-timey iPad 1.

— Ahm (@Ahm76) March 17, 2013

So a little while ago I picked up the game Hotline Miami. It’s an action game done in the nostolgic, pixelated 8-bit style that seems to be pretty popular these days — especially with independent games (like the game Lone Survivor I got a while back with a Humble Bundle and highly recommend).

Anyway, in the game, you go floor to floor in each level quickly killing everyone. It’s a bit of strategy, a bit of stealth, and a lot of reflex and every enemy will kill you just as quickly as you kill them. You also can choose a mask for each level which gives you different special abilities (for instance, one mask makes it so that if you hit someone with a door, it’s an instant kill). And there are tons of weapons in each level like pipes and knives and guns (though using those makes noise and causes everyone nearby to rush you). It’s very quick-paced and very violent (though the violence is all done is very blocky pixels). I liked it. It’s fun and a nice short diversion if you can pick it up cheap (it’s normal price is just $10).

Some complaints though. You get used to getting killed and restarting a lot, as just being half a second off can mean the guy killing you with his pipe versus you killing him with your bat. This is fine for how quick-paced it is, but it does get tedious on some of the longer levels where you get killed by the last guy and have to do everything over again. My biggest complaint was the ending — or lack thereof. The story starts out really weird and trippy and continues in that path until near the end where it gets more grounded in reality. I was expecting some mind blowing reveal at the end explaining all the weirdness, but never got it — even if you collect all the hidden letters throughout the level to get the full ending.

But anyway, a fun game. Nothing more.

I enjoyed this.

“What do you mean he died!”

I’ve actually have never seen any of the Game of Thrones show, but I’ve read all the books. Allegedly, the author is going to write more and conclude the story.

Maybe it’s not my place to criticize, but I’ve been writing novels in my spare time when not doing my full time job, blogging, writing columns, and being a husband and father, and somehow I can complete novels quicker than George R. R. Martin. I just don’t get how it can be your full time job and take years and years to write that much. Maybe he needs to get rid of one of the R’s in his name as having two of them just weighs him down.

So CPAC is over, and I’m sure at it they concluded things like “conservatism is good.” But the big question with Obama being reelected is how do we get more people in the conservative movement. Here are my ideas:

HOW TO GET MORE PEOPLE INTERESTED IN THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT

* Show how math can be fun… and even if you don’t find it fun, it can kill you so pay attention to it.

* Make the main part of next year’s CPAC a dancing, singing, cooking competition where you bid on storage lockers.

* Make freedom “hip” by getting a cool mascot like a dog wearing sunglasses.

* Play pop music at conservative events and instruct everyone to pretend to like it. Distribute powerful sedatives if needed.

* Remind teens they’re supposed to be anti-establishment — i.e., not rally around the most powerful man in the world who keeps trying to increase his power while refusing transparency.

* Within in the next ten years, make it the goal for the conservative movement to be at least 15% robots.

* Everyone who joins the conservative movement gets a puppy. No kicking.

* Start educating kids at an early age on the importance of punching hippies.

* Try to find some way to make responsibility more popular, like coming up with a name for it that will appeal to youth such as “bieber-ism.”

* Maybe just give up on conservatism as a political movement and instead have it become a chain of restaurants that makes a burger patty entirely out of bacon. $1 extra for gravy.

What are your ideas?