So CPAC is over, and I’m sure at it they concluded things like “conservatism is good.” But the big question with Obama being reelected is how do we get more people in the conservative movement. Here are my ideas:
HOW TO GET MORE PEOPLE INTERESTED IN THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT
* Show how math can be fun… and even if you don’t find it fun, it can kill you so pay attention to it.
* Make the main part of next year’s CPAC a dancing, singing, cooking competition where you bid on storage lockers.
* Make freedom “hip” by getting a cool mascot like a dog wearing sunglasses.
* Play pop music at conservative events and instruct everyone to pretend to like it. Distribute powerful sedatives if needed.
* Remind teens they’re supposed to be anti-establishment — i.e., not rally around the most powerful man in the world who keeps trying to increase his power while refusing transparency.
* Within in the next ten years, make it the goal for the conservative movement to be at least 15% robots.
* Everyone who joins the conservative movement gets a puppy. No kicking.
* Start educating kids at an early age on the importance of punching hippies.
* Try to find some way to make responsibility more popular, like coming up with a name for it that will appeal to youth such as “bieber-ism.”
* Maybe just give up on conservatism as a political movement and instead have it become a chain of restaurants that makes a burger patty entirely out of bacon. $1 extra for gravy.
What are your ideas?
Prolly why there is a correlation between being a conservative nowadays and being a rocker, ’cause rock is music of rebellion.
Tell people they can’t have it; this has worked ever since the Garden of Eden.
also: Free Conservophones
The ONLY WAY to get more people interested in the Conservative Movement
is to eliminate Libertarianism from it. As long as Libertarians remain it will no longer be a Conservative Movement. Ayn Rand’s evil ghost will follow the Libertarians wherever they go.
Christians are the answer! Rejecting Homosexual Marriage, Drug Legalization, Abortions and Libertarianism is the answer.
Carpenter,
Why so serious?
I have no ideas, Frank, since I’ve been doing nothing but math for months and my mind is blank.
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@5 – the most important thing I learned in math class: how to hand-draw bracket symbols.
@6 Harvey says:
March 18th, 2013 at 11:47 am
Heh. Learning to draw a coherent ampersand (&) was a great personal acheivment during programming classes. Darn thing kept coming out like a treble clef.
⌡s e^x dx = se^x + c where c is that nagging marital constant.
free dinosaurs.
with every third dinosaur a free rocket launcher.
@8 hahaha
Teach a person to be a hippie, he eats at a democrat rally for a day. Teach a person to punch a hippie, he eats for a lifetime. It’s time to introduce more Americans to the joy of hippie-punching.
your cool mascot dog http://i.imgur.com/TDCDib2.gif
@8 Jimmy says:
March 18th, 2013 at 12:01 pm
Equation easier to reconcile where ⌡s e^x still approaches F(u)^n
Get rid of moderates. Nothing drowns out the clarion call of conserviatism as does the white noise of squishy moderate, reach across the aisle, watered down ideals. That and every conservative male should grow a beard and dress like he is on Duck Dynasty and learn to live off the land.
“10 Ways to Get More People Interested in the Conservative Movement”
1. Teach them to squeeze the Charmin
2. Set up a dunk boehner in the lava tank
3. Grant amnesty and citizenship to illegals
4. Become a big tent by ragging on those that believe in liberty and the constitution
5. Safety glasses for when the moon gets nuked
6. A free nuke for use at marxists rallies
7. A guest appearance on billmar to punch him in his hippie monkey face
8. Support higher taxes and bigger gubmunt
9. Announce a john mccain day!
And #10 … wait for it …
10. More Cowbell!
Attract them with those sweet fried bread rings……Christie Cremes
And no. 11 Son of Bob for the win !!!
i think #3 Frank J. for the win
Get any of the Kardashians involved
Hire the Amish splinter sect who were accused of beard shaving attacks (led, ironically, by Bishop Mullet) and have them randomly shave hippies. Once their beards are gone, we may find conservatives under there. Even the women.