There’s an entire generation of movie watchers who think >record scratch< is just “the surprise noise”.

— Luke McKinney (@lukemckinney) March 14, 2013

As I understand it, the Vatican needs to take the same liberal modernization strategy that’s been such a success for the Episcopalians.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 14, 2013

I don’t understand serial killers, except when singing to the “Romeo+Juliet” soundtrack in the car, because part of me WANTS to be caught.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) March 14, 2013

Hey come look for me at CPAC, I’m the tall heavy set white guy in his 40s. Can’t miss me!

— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) March 14, 2013

Instead of murder/suicide, I’m contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend.

— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) March 14, 2013

“Ladies, call me Former Vice President Walter Mondale, cuz I’m Former Vice President Walter Mondale” -Excerpt from Get Babes The Mondale Way

— donni (@donni) March 14, 2013

Whenever I get a meatball sub I stand on my table & hold it over my head like that monkey holds up Simba at the beginning of The Lion King.

— Gavin Speiller (@gavinspeiller) March 14, 2013

Do video games cause violence? Why don’t you ask these teens kicking all the animals at this petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.

— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 14, 2013

2013 update of “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded” is “Everyone despondent about closing of a paper nobody read.”

— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) March 15, 2013

In case of fire, strap a fire extinguisher to your body like a jetpack. Shout “Suck it, bitches” to your coworkers as you fly away.

— Carly (@MsCarlissima) March 15, 2013

I got Sarah Hoyt‘s latest two books in the mail, Darkship Renegades and A Few Good Men, both sequels to Darkship Thieves which I read and really enjoyed. I definitely recommend checking out the series. Also, I see that one of Hoyt’s novels is available for free on Kindle. So lots of great stuff to read while waiting for my novel to one day get published.

Mayor Bloomberg is a violent psychopath. This is obvious and shout not be arguable. He wants a law keeping people from buying soda larger than 16oz. And what does a law on that mean? Well, if you try to sell a soda larger than 16oz, he’ll send the police after you, i.e., he wants to send people with guns after you — over the size of your soda. And who would threaten another person with a gun over soda size? Only a violent psychopath.

Maybe Bloomberg’s obsession with banning guns is just him realizing in horror what he is. Someone who would shoot people over soda or transfat or salt should be kept away from guns at all costs.

Man, I really got to start going to these conferences like CPAC. One of my dreams is to go someplace where there is a possibility I’ll run into someone who knows who I am. It’s just these things cost like money to go to and you have to take time off of work and you have to get on a plane which is both expensive and annoying.

Still, I really feel like I should be helping push conservatism into the future — you know fighting against jetpack and laser gun regulations and working on getting voting rights for robots (if we start winning the support of robots now, Republicans will own the elections as soon as robots get the vote because then we can just make more voters). A lot of the old guard don’t understand stuff like this and laugh at the notion of a military filled with dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them, so that’s why we young guys need to get our voice in there while we’re still considered young guys. Like, I’m 33; I’m not sure how much longer I get to be one of the more youthful conservatives. Well, looking at the people running the Republican Party, I guess until I’m about 60.

So, what do you think should be the future of conservatism? I’m thinking conquering other planets. Going to other planets looks like the only realistic way to escape big government now.