There’s an entire generation of movie watchers who think >record scratch< is just “the surprise noise”.
— Luke McKinney (@lukemckinney) March 14, 2013
As I understand it, the Vatican needs to take the same liberal modernization strategy that’s been such a success for the Episcopalians.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 14, 2013
I don’t understand serial killers, except when singing to the “Romeo+Juliet” soundtrack in the car, because part of me WANTS to be caught.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) March 14, 2013
Hey come look for me at CPAC, I’m the tall heavy set white guy in his 40s. Can’t miss me!
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) March 14, 2013
Instead of murder/suicide, I’m contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend.
— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) March 14, 2013
“Ladies, call me Former Vice President Walter Mondale, cuz I’m Former Vice President Walter Mondale” -Excerpt from Get Babes The Mondale Way
— donni (@donni) March 14, 2013
Whenever I get a meatball sub I stand on my table & hold it over my head like that monkey holds up Simba at the beginning of The Lion King.
— Gavin Speiller (@gavinspeiller) March 14, 2013
Do video games cause violence? Why don’t you ask these teens kicking all the animals at this petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 14, 2013
2013 update of “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded” is “Everyone despondent about closing of a paper nobody read.”
— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) March 15, 2013
In case of fire, strap a fire extinguisher to your body like a jetpack. Shout “Suck it, bitches” to your coworkers as you fly away.
— Carly (@MsCarlissima) March 15, 2013