The worst part of being burgled is finding your DVD collection completely untouched.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 4, 2013
Old folks are both adorable and yucky at the same time, like newborn puppies who are also racist.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) March 4, 2013
Trimming the white beard hairs, my Whack-a-Mole game with death has begun.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) March 4, 2013
Sixty percent of pit bull attacks occur between tying the bandana around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 4, 2013