The Democrats in the Senate finally passed a budget and it only took them fours years to finally do their job. It’s unlikely to pass the House, but they get a C for effort (up from their usual F). So what’s in the budget? Here are some of the features:
FEATURES IN THE DEMOCRATS NEW BUDGET
* As long as the country has consistent growth, it will balance the budget in the year 3562.
* It includes a trillion more in tax hikes — most of that money going towards scientific research on new things they can hike taxes on.
* Continues to fund Cowboy Poetry Festivals, finding the money by cutting school vouchers.
* To get things to add up, it includes some non-standard numbers like eleventy-three and a few imaginary numbers.
* Gets a lot of saving by replacing costly trials with drone strikes.
* There’s billions in new investments for green companies, or if suitable green companies can’t be found, there’s a clause to just do the quicker thing and burn the money.
* Includes funding to continue to come up with names for new, absurdly large numbers so we can continue to keep track of the national debt.
* Funds putting together another budget in another four years, though that can go towards a pizza party instead.
* Includes new taxes on things you DON’T buy, like one-way tickets out of the country.
* Includes funding for a new IRS video “The Wrath of Schedule C”.
Pizza party? Fat chance with Mooch as president. Better set your sights on a giant vegetarian party sub.
* Diverts funds to Hollywood for movie sequels like, “Alien vs. Predator” starring the U.S. Predator drone versus illegal aliens.
* Funds to research why fat lesbians look better to drunk lesbians than they do to sober lesbians.
Burning the money sounds like a good idea, inflation-wise… Although it would probably be easier to just stop printing more.
Burn? Umm, the green thing to do is compost the money. Creates nice, rich soil.