A Call to Arms – The Most Important Post I’ve Written

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I recently said I would be the arbiter of blog wars, someone needing to just e-mail me with the subject “WAR!!!” and I would handle the formal announcements. Before you begin choosing sides, though, I have some words I hope you — nay – the entire blogosphere take heed of.
The blogopshere is the future of political commentary – this I declare as fact. We, meaning both blog writers and blog readers, stand as pioneers of this new media. Unlike the days of old where some stodgy fools with their own agendas sit in back rooms deciding what information should be disseminated to the public, we now have a true democracy of news and commentary, where we choose which stories become the talk of the town, where we decided what ideas are the best. A democracy, yes?
No.
While we have eyes with which to read, and fingers with which to type, there is one whom decides what gets seen beyond us cherished few. You know whom I talk of. And, when one rules, it is not a democracy; it is a dictatorship.
I submit to you this. One sits atop, far outnumbering the rest of us in traffic. To many – to too many – the blogoshpere is but one: Instapundit.com. They come to see what we are all about, and all there is is Glenn Reynolds and what he decides to quote, perhaps adding the occasional commentary of “Indeed” or “Hmm”.
Now, there are many crimes of Glenn Reynolds, both real and imagined, and all he should pay for. Now, some may say my grudge against him is personal, being I was upset that he neglected to link to my blogography on my blogiversary, but don’t you see how that was a strike against us all? That blogography was very informative to new bloggers, and the last he wants is more bloggers to threaten his stranglehold on the blogosphere.
Still, even today, I offered him an olive branch. He has yet to link to one of my beloved In My World™ posts, so I e-mailed him the link to today’s since I thought it was a good starting point for someone who had never read one before. And you know what he did?
He spat at me.
Not just me, but all of you! For he mocked and derided anyone who enjoys my posts. He told me we are all fools, and that he would never link to one of my In My World™ posts. He said he knows that doing so would steal too much traffic away from him, traffic he clings to like a greedy monkey clinging to its bananas.
Of course, he did not specifically say any of this as he did not respond to the e-mail in any way whatsoever. Yes, you heard me right; he ignored me! Me, Frank J.! That’s not just a slap against me, it’s a slap against all my readers and all like bloggers. You know he read the e-mail. You know he reads all the e-mails. But we are nothing to him. He sits upon his dark throne, sipping his puppy, while scanning the blogosphere for a few links that will not threaten his power.
No more, I say.
No more!
I spit upon my Instapundit permalink. I shiver at the touch of his wretched Instlanches. And I especially mock and deride his 74,000 daily visitors. That’s right. His tens of thousands of visitors is so pitiful it makes me laugh. For there millions our there, millions and millions who will soon see the power of the blogosphere… but only when this obstacle is removed.
Instapundo delenda est!
The Enemy must be destroyed, and then true democracy will come to the blogosphere. They will see our brillance, no longer filtered through the one, and they will be awed. So we must strike against Instapundit.com, and we must strike against it so hard with so loud a battle cry that the isolated tribes in Africa will shiver in fear. In the sound of battle, everyone will soon take note of the blogosphere, and, when the dust settles and the Enemy has fallen, they will no longer look to the Rush Limbaugh on the radio for commentary, they will not look to O’Reilly on the T.V. for analysis, and they will not look to the New York Times for news… THEY WILL LOOK TO US!!!
I need not just blogs to help in the battle, but blog readers as well. All people of all crafts need to join together and get the blogosphere the recognition it deserves. We need people to make banners, people to get the attention of the media, and people to keep an eye on the Enemy as his scheming to stop us.
We are the future, people. Our actions now will decide the fate of the world. And your grandchildren will ask you about the great blog war and upon which side you stood. Will you tell them you sided when the Enemy, forever to be his slave? Will you tell them you sat on the sidelines like the Swiss, mired in irrelevancy? Or will you tell them you took a stand for freedom, for democracy, and for intelligent news commentary?
Those are your choices. Bow before Instapundit.com and I promise you continued enslavement and a weakened blogosphere, but follow me and I promise you the respect you deserve, hundreds of millions of readers to split between us, and bag and bags of money.
WHO IS WITH ME?!!!!

143 Comments

  1. Frank…I WITH YOU, man.
    Kill this bastard that I know nothing about!
    Whatever instapun-freak has to say is a filthy Commie lie!
    Good God, Frank, in my blind fury i pissed myseld…I’ll be back after a shower…and I’ll come with a torch and a board with a nail in it and we’ll find Mr. Renolyds and skin him like a cat.

    Reply to this comment

  7. Hey, I’ve got bandwidth limitations to think about. I couldn’t afford an Instalanche. I can barely handle Frankenlanches. Of course I’m with you. I’m even continuing to spread your filthy lies about the nameless one in my latest 200 Words or Less.
    My life for you.
    Your humble and obediant servant,
    First Loser

    Reply to this comment

  10. I’ve seen, I’ve sampled, I’ve Decided
    IMAO is my new leader.
    Instaslutnick is a false God and as such should be sundered underfoot with the cruelest of methods, and salt shall be sown over all of the false God’s acres lest the pestilence rise again.
    Booshcat Of The Blogoviewsphere.

    Reply to this comment

  11. You’re crazy, but in a loveable and amiable kind of way.
    Maybe you and Glenn should just let bygones be bygones and hit a bar.
    Then, when he’s too drunk to defend himself, you inject him with something to knock him out…
    Then replace him with a clone who will follow your every command!
    Once that’s done, you get the clone to reroute all links to “www.imao.us”, and wait for the donations to roll in!
    Alternatively, you can just get really drunk yourself, and break a barstool over his head.
    1st or 2nd option… hmm…

    Reply to this comment

  15. The Arizona Republic had an article about blogs recently. Not on the front page or anything like that, but it was certainly noticeable. Also, PC Magazine’s latest issue (Sept. 2, 2003) has an article on tools for starting your own blog.
    The Media has Awakened to the Dawn of this New Age. Behold! The Media Giants can rule no longer, We The People must take back That Which Is Rightfully Ours! Arise, my Brothers and Sisters! Arise, and demand Truth and Fairness in Reporting! We shall show Them our True Strength!
    CCCCCHHHHHAAAAARRRRRGGGGGEEEEE!!!!!

    Reply to this comment

  17. I want to join the Frank J. Army of The Underappreciated and Fabulous, but I have so many fears and doubts- what will the Puppy-Blender do to me when he discovers I and so many others have defected to the Side of The Angels? Will there be health insurance or Minion’s Comp? Nay, I must cast these worries aside and join Frank, for there are worse things than falling before the Wrath of Glenn Reynolds. Like having to wash out the Cuisinart when he’s done making his hourly Puppy Smoothie. A minion’s life is no life for a human being, y’all! OK, I’m in.

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  18. Sacrifices must be made, but our cause is just, and our hearts are pure. We have been untouched are the unwanted, the untamed, the unlinked..
    Many hardships lay ahead.
    Some will ask how far we will take this.
    Neigh, as a man smarter then I once said, it is not how far we will go, but whether we have the constitution; the depth of faith – to go as far as is needed.
    -Jeff

    Reply to this comment

  26. I haven’t linked to that other “blogger” in a very long time. Thanks for noticing Frank! I’ve BEEN fighting for you this whole time. I was so hurt that you hadn’t mentioned the sacrifice I have made for you thus far that I thought of not joining you.
    But since you are promising bags and bags of money, I’m inclined to continue my blind faith in you.
    How big are the bags?

    Reply to this comment

  27. instapundit is proof that any moron can get visitors, even if his commentary is limited to “hmmm” and “indeed.” all he has to do is post 60 friggin’ times a day.
    frank j, you, too, are a conniving bastard, but i have come to tolerate you through much soul-searching and internal strife.

    Reply to this comment

  28. ATONEMENT!
    ONLY BY THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB ARE WE SAVED!
    Atonement is the word, brothers and sisters.
    There’s some that thinks it’s okay to get out in the world, as if you could work and walk in the world without being smirched by the world. Now is that what the word of Frank J. teaches us?
    HOLY JESUS!
    When are they gonna know that way is death? When are they gonna know that the wages of the world are paid on the other side? Huh? Huh? The Lord Frank J. has said there are many mansions in His house. But there’s no room for the fornicator. No room for the coveter. No room for the hommasexshul.
    NO ROOM FOR THE DEFILER OF THE BLOG!

    Reply to this comment

  29. Not being a blogger myself, though I really enjoy IMAO, I must throw my support behind you, Frank.
    You may want to be prepared for a tough fight. I think I heard that the Insta guy promises each of his followers seventy-two dark eyed virgins or some such. That may lead some astray. (You’d think they’d want women who knew what to do.)

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  32. […] From this day to the ending of the world,
    But we in it shall be remember’d;
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition:
    And gentlemen in England now a-bed
    Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.
    KING HENRY V

    Reply to this comment

  41. OOOOoooooo a war…I like wars.
    Umm…I got here on a link from Instapundit…Your traffic must be spiking today since the Grand High Mucky Muck has blessed your realm with a link.
    You not only got alink you got a comment! Not just a Hmmmm or Indeed either a couple of words!
    Maybe you could print it out and frame it?

    Reply to this comment

  43. ‘Unlike the days of old where some stodgy fools with their own agendas sit in back rooms deciding what information should be decimated the public …’
    Damn fool thinks ‘decimated’ means ‘disseminated’. But wait, ‘decimated’ means destroy, reduce. Maybe the stodgy fools are destroying information we need, keeping it from us. Maybe he’s being clever! Ignorant or clever; I can’t decide. I’m gettin’ a headache.

    Reply to this comment

  49. Fools against the power that has arisen in the East (or at least UT) you can do NOTHING! You may triumph for a day, that is all…. Remember, RESIST IS FUTILE YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED! I’m putting myself in as “The Mouth of Sauron(Reynolds) NOW!

    Reply to this comment

  52. Upon consideration, I’m throwing in with you, Frank. Afterall, what has the Puppy Blender ever done for me? At least you’ve promised to consider linking to me in February of 2004. Have I gotten even that much from the PB? Nuh uh!

    Reply to this comment

  60. Glennnnn sent me here to spy. He’s a tough taskmaster, but I get the last dribbles of the Puppy Colada. Did you know the last 10% is 50% spit and only 50% puppy? Still good, though.
    I don’t know whether to take you seriously or not, but you’re funny hell and I’ll come back. Please try to harness some of this power for good — like lowering the tax on booze and cigarettes.

    Reply to this comment

  62. You know. When I read your post…er…rant, I visualized the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when they were storming the French castle. I read your rant with a silly French accent and found your rant to be not only tolerable, but very funny. “I fart in your direction” Indeed…

    Reply to this comment

  69. Chris, maybe we need to start a ‘hit exchange’ where unknown bloggers can exchange hits. Example: 100 people with lousy sites agree to each hit the other 100 sites daily. We don’t have to read them, just hit them. As the number grows, a database could assign each individual their 100 sites to visit each day. This inflates our counters and our pathetic little egos in one fell swoop. (Actually, it has probably already been done…)

    Reply to this comment

  72. 111 hits a day? I’d kill for 111 hits a day! Quit yer bitchin’!!
    I’m generally sympathetic to rag-tag bands of popular militia. But in this case–well, I’m going with discretion as the better part of valor.
    Happy to provide financial services to both sides, though!

    Reply to this comment

  78. Quick question- one of my favorites sites (besides yours, of course 🙂 is RWN. However, I was devastated to find that the evil Instapundit it still number one of John Hawkin’s list of favorite blogs! Does this mean that he is secretly allied with the enemy, and site should too be boycotted?

    Reply to this comment

  80. Heh… let’s all just make sure Mr. J doesn’t get hired by the government. I’d hate to see talent like that used to inspire something really hideous, y’know?
    (I, BTW, got 20 hits so far today… 10 of them from people searching PopDex for a Playboy model who is also named Sarah… so quit your whining!)

    Reply to this comment

  82. I just added instapundit to my favorites list today. Not becuase it is one of my favorites (its just what Microsoft calls them), but becuase it is the most talked about. However, I have now learned the error of my ways and have removed it henceforth. I’m with you Frank. Your actually worth reading when everything else is so bland that it hurts my eyes, not to mention my sense of humor.
    Fight on!

    Reply to this comment

  83. Frank,
    You may be right… but I’m a careful guy.
    Oh, and Sarah, my whining was about hits from Frank’s site. Got more from elsewhere… unfortunately some from people earching for that evil propagandist Michael Moore. Also searches for “body photos,” “Bill O’Reilly Ego”, “if it quacks like a chicken”, “france crime rate” and other weird stuff. Google is a strange and marvelous thing.
    As for blaspheming the InstaGod, perchance I got into trouble for this!
    Frank… you can use it as ammunition 🙂
    Oh, I’m also flaming Salam Pax today, since he needs it badly. And I am link whoring like mad for it… hint hint.

    Reply to this comment

  84. Masters of The Blogoverse

    Much like He-Man and Skeletor, Frank J and Glenn R are locked in an eternal battle, the conclusion of which will determine the fate of the entire blogosphere. However, also like He-Man and Skeletor, it’s not exactly clear that these…

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  85. Masters of The Blogoverse

    Much like He-Man and Skeletor, Frank J and Glenn R are locked in an eternal battle, the conclusion of which will determine the fate of the entire blogosphere. However, also like He-Man and Skeletor, it’s not exactly clear that these…

    Reply to this comment

  91. Frank’s right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take this bastard. Now we could do it with conventional weapons. But that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part. And we’re just the ones to do it!
    i’M WITH YOU FRANK!

    Reply to this comment

  92. I think I read in The Onion is that what the followers of the PuppyBlender get is not 72 virgins, but 72 Virginians – the beatings start with George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, and none of the other 70 Virginians are pacifists. . . it didn’t sound like an enjoyable experience. Gotta warn ya, though – my short-term (or is it long-term?) memory is not what I think it used to be, so my recollection might be faulty. Consider yourselves warned, though, all you puppy-drinking syncopants.

    Reply to this comment

  96. You foolish upstart! The increased traffic prompted by your rebellion will only prove to make the InstaLord more powerful. Reynolds cannot be defeated. Turn away from this hopelesss uprising, Frank, before it is too late for you and your followers.
    I go now to prepare this litter of day-old labradors as a drink offering for my King. All Hail the Blogfather!

    Reply to this comment

  97. Poor Glen, he doesn’t post a thing about the President at his job. THe Shumaker found a titty and sucked it dry.
    Did glen tell us the inside dope on SHumaker? NO
    Did glen tell quote the papers about Shumaker? NO
    Did glen coverup the shumaker scandle? YES
    Is glen soft on booby trapped meth labs? YES
    I demand an investigation. AN Investigation, by God!!! Let’s nail the sports car driver.
    INDEED by ass…

    Reply to this comment

  105. War is Heck

    The ranks swell in opposition to the hobo-murderer, and FrankJ leads the way. Sure, sure, the vile Reynolds has about 10,000 times the readership, but we have… we have… well, something. I’m sure I can put either my military experience…

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  106. Frank you have to check this Instapundit out! They have a link to a send up where everybody on his blogroll is photoshopped as StarWars characters! It’s awesome Also he has news from his man in Basra – the dude actually knows someone on the ground in Fricken Basra Iraq !!!
    Wow I feel like My brain grew two sizes just stopping in. ——— But I’m with you heart and soul dude. 😐 yup

    Reply to this comment

  107. Bear my Grizzly ass!

    Enough of bi polar bears. Sheesh! I probably shouldn’t have posted secret information reported to come from Lavrenti P. “Bearia,” but for you, my readers, only the best! I don’t feel like blogging today, because I exhausted myself doing repairs…

    Reply to this comment

  109. This is interesting. I took INSTAWHOZIT off my links a while ago.
    Once Blooger gets unclooged enough for me to get to my site and post again, I will give further consideration to this Call to Arms.
    In the meantime, let me just say that you ARE funny, and I know I get the fewest commenters in the BLOGGERVERSE. 🙂

    Reply to this comment

  110. Umm… What HE just said!!
    Except that I may leave the heavy lifting to my compatriot.
    I DO have 1 very important point of disagreement with him however:
    I know I get the fewest commenters in the BLOGGERVERSE!
    It’s an indisputable fact!
    Too many car lovers, not enough Bicyclaholics. 🙁

    Reply to this comment

  114. I like your site Frank but all of this grovelling is making me feel a bit sorry for you.
    I’m not talking ‘heh, that guy has a flat tire’ sort of sorry but Jesus, ‘James Stockdale looks like a total, clueless idiot’ in this debate sort of sorry.
    Must admit, I’m gonna stick with instapundit..tons of info and not all the ‘gay rights’ commentary we see from the supposed #1 site.

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  116. Just FYI… I believe the correct Latin should be Instapundo Esse Delendam for “InstaPundit must be destroyed,” but I’m not 100% positive. Instapundo delenda est means, I believe, “InstanPundit is destroyed,” i.e., it already took place. But, again, I’m not 100% positive so please check me on this.

    Reply to this comment

  117. Just FYI… I believe the correct Latin should be Instapundo esse delendam for “Instapundit must be destroyed,” but I’m not 100% positive. Instapundo delenda est means, I believe, “Instapundit is destroyed,” i.e., it already took place. But, again, I’m not 100% positive so please check me on this. Thanks.

    Reply to this comment

  130. Y’know what I love? A bunch of people with tiny peckers talking about the threat against democracy that is free speech. I mean, Holy Shit! Someone wants to speak against something like war! Someone doesn’t believe what’s being told to us by the “liberal media” that is owned and supported by large corporations who have politicians in their pockets! Jesus Christ you people are gullible and ignorant. I believe in the Bill of Rights. I believe in freedom. But I mean total freedom as said in previously touted Bill of Rights. But you people make me sick. If you all lost your guns you would dig yourselves into tiny litte f***ing holes in your backyards. You would yell out from your holes “The hippies are gonna kill us all! Look at their peacfullness! They must be Commies! Die!”
    McCarthyisms dead mother f***ers.

    Reply to this comment

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  141. ALLIANCE ANNIVERSARY

    (cross-posted from the Alliance HQ site) Fellow Alliance Members, There are two important anniversaries coming up. August 13th is the first anniversary of Frank J. declaring war on Instapundit. August 16th is the first anniversary of the Alliance HQ ho…

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  142. I was gonna rally to your cause, Frank, but after reading everybody else’s comments I was kinda sapped of my enthusiasm. I think I’ll start my own blog and crush you all instead.
    “Just FYI… I believe the correct Latin should be Instapundo esse delendam for “Instapundit must be destroyed,” but I’m not 100% positive. Instapundo delenda est means, I believe, “Instapundit is destroyed,” i.e., it already took place. But, again, I’m not 100% positive so please check me on this. Thanks.”
    No, I studied Latin for 4 1/2 years; Frank is right. Literally what he is saying is, “Instapundo (sic) must be destroyed.” “Instapundo esse delendam” makes no sense. “Instapundit is destroyed” would be “Instapundo (sic) deleta est.”
    And why “instapundo” anyway? I get the Carthage reference, but there’s no reason why you couldn’t make it a 3rd Declension noun instead, for example Instapundis -itis (f.). Then it would be “Instapundis delenda est!”
    And that’s my little irrelevant, pedantic speil for the day.

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  143. Pingback: Off Hiatus – ArklahomBoy

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