“Now that I’ve made the case for Iraq getting 87 billion dollars, we need to find ways to get that money embezzled back to us through dummy corporations,” President Bush said.
“Don’t worry,” Dick Cheney stated, “I’ve got it all set up.”
“I’m afraid that someone might find out, though,” Condoleezza Rice said, “I think we need a fall guy.”
“But where are we going to find someone to be the fall guy?” Bush mused aloud.
“Can we go over some notes before the next press conference?” White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan asked as he entered the room.
“Scott! Great to see you!” Bush exclaimed.
Scott stopped for a second and looked at Bush with suspicion. “Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?”
“Because you’re a valued part of the team,” Bush answered.
“Really?”
“Yeah, now get over here and stop being such a douche bag,” Bush ordered, “I need you to sign this paper before the next press conference. It… uh…”
“It verifies that you are going to be truthful and honest in the press conference,” Condi said.
“But Bush always yells at me when I’m truthful and honest,” Scott said.
“Change of policy,” Bush said, handing over the document. Scott started to look it over, but Bush slapped him on the head. “Don’t read it; just sign it!”
“Is it fair to ask for 87 billion dollars for Iraq when the economy is in a recession?” asked a reporter.
“The economy is not in a recession,” Scott responded, “and we have to do whatever it takes to get the job right.”
“I did some investigation,” said another reporter, “and the money all seems to be going to corporations in your name.”
“What?” Scott exclaimed, “That’s ridiculous.”
“And they aren’t even real corporation,” the reporter continued, “They just seemed to be ways for you to take that money and keep it from the needy Iraqi people.”
“That’s crazy,” Scott said adamantly, “I don’t own any corporations or would ever do such a thing.”
“Why you take money from me and my family?” asked a little Iraqi girl in broken English, “I am sick and hungry.”
“I didn’t take your money, little girl,” Scott pleaded, “Honest.”
“Boo!” all the reporters yelled.
“You’re not supposed to boo at a press conference!” Scott said with frustration.
“Boo!”
“You couldn’t believe what I was charged with at the press conference today,” Scott said, walking into the Oval Office. “They said…” Scott then noticed the room was filled with canvas bags with dollars signs on them. “You took the Iraqi billions!” Scott accused, pointing a finger at Bush.
“That’s crazy,” Bush answered, “That’s so crazy I should have you locked away in an asylum where you can’t tell anyone anything incriminating about me.”
Laura then came into the room. “What’s this commotion all about?”
“Nothing, dear,” Bush answered.
“He embezzled billions of dollars that were supposed to help the Iraqis and then framed me for it!” Scott stated angrily.
“George, is this true?” Laura asked sternly.
“I was going to buy you something nice with it,” Bush answered meekly.
“You give all that money back to the Iraqis and you apologize to Mr. McClellan this instant!”
“I’m sorry, Scott,” Bush said, “but I was going to quietly pardon you at the end of my term – honest!”
“Well, that’s better,” Laura said, “Now you be less mischievous in the future.” She then left the room.
Bush glared at Scott angrily. “Squealer.”
Does this mean I don’t get another tax rebate?
Bush calling Scott McClellan a douche bag…priceless…
“I’m sorry, Scott,” Bush said, “but I was going to quietly pardon you at the end of my term – honest!”
What I love most about your stories Frank… you always bring the satire back around and point it like a cannon at the REAL a-holes… it’s shocking sometimes to be reminded just how much graft and criminality the Clintoons perpetrated.
And it’s frightening to read today, for example, how they still sit in their smoky back rooms plotting our destruction. The Clintoons are in fact the embodiment of the sinister antics in your IMW stories… only, it wouldn’t be funny if you attributed it to them.
The children(tm)
Scott McClellan gets caught stealin’ in today’s In My World. Except it’s not his fault….
You call it The Fall Guy and don’t include Lee Majors or Heather Thomas?
What kind of sick joke is this?
Too short Frank. You get me all excited about a new IMW and then you make it a measly page long.
Damn, Laura needs to lighten up and enjoy some embezzled cash once in awhile. I’de be THANKFUL if someone funneled $87 billion to me…
Tim E
That was awfully short. Frank, has this blogwar been sapping your energy? I’m in secret negotiations with Jennifer; we may be able to stop the madness yet!
I can’t keep writing novels each time; it takes it out of me.
Priceless, just priceless Frank! Scott is turning out to be way better than Ari was IMHO. But you need more Condi (villainess yummy yummy)!
Secret negotiations? I don’t know what you’ve been doing, Spork, but I’ve been planning a wedding!
Ping Pong, Susie Calling…
Here it is my day off, I’m rarin’ to go with full-throttle linkage, and three of my favorite victims bloggers haven’t posted in days! And a fourth one has only posted a pathetic yet transparent bid for sympathy (not, not…
I liked it! you packed a bunch of funny into that page. short isnt bad!
Ahh. Didn’t Frank tell you? It’s all about the oil. Oh, wait — His world already went there — but, where did that episode go in the archive? I can’t find it anymore. Hopefully this latest IMW will end up in the same bit bucket. Brief is good. However, this post was not brief enough.
Sally V, is closer to the truth. However, in the US it’s really hard to profit directly from being in office — though the Clintoons tried their best and dodged the ethics laws by renting out the Lincoln bedroom as a party fundraising tactic and by stuffing their pockets with White House ash trays and spoons.
I’ll be glad when the genuinely-funny Frank returns. This stuff isn’t a bunch of funny, it’s more like punch a bunny. Is that how Frank works up his anti-pundit hordes?
Resistance is futile.
Geez, Frank. I wish your humor didn’t sound so much like reality with a few of the names changed!
I’m afraid my favorite character is still Chomps.
who Said that?
Ping Pong, Susie Calling…
Here it is my day off, I’m rarin’ to go with full-throttle linkage, and three of my favorite victims bloggers haven’t posted in days! And a fourth one has only posted a pathetic yet transparent bid for sympathy (no, not Bill). Glenn is even giving odds…