“Okay, I’m in Melbourne… wherever the hell that is,” Melinda Hawkish said as the hotel rocked with the fierce winds.
“Good. Now go outside in the hurricane for the broadcast,” Geraldo instructed.
Melinda paused for a moment. “But there is a hurricane outside,” she explained slowly.
“Yes, and, for good coverage, you need to be outside in it getting blown around.”
“That’s idiotic!” Melinda yelled, “I’ll be risking my life, and they won’t be able to hear me!”
“But it makes good coverage and gives people a good feel of the storm.”
“Easy for you to say when you’re in New York, mustache man. How about we point the camera out the window at the moron newscasters already out in the hurricane. Then we can have a new slogan: ‘FOX News: Our reporters are smart enough not to stand out in deadly storms.'”
“You don’t understand,” Geraldo intoned, “It’s journalistic tradition to have low-paid reporters stand out in the storm.”
“The public doesn’t need to see me get hit by a flying mailbox to know there is a storm!” Melinda protested, “They trust us enough to believe there is one without me being in it. It’s not like I’m Dan Rather!”
“This is Dan Rather with continuing coverage of Hurricane Jeanne which has surprisingly skipped right over Florida and landed in Minnesota. Yes, I know some ankle-biting pajama wearing fanatics known as ‘bloggers’ are disputing this, some claiming to be from Minnesota and showing pictures that everything is fine, but we still have this evidence.”
Rather held up a photo of hurricane damage with the word “Minnesota” on it.
“See, this photo, sent to us by an anonymous, unimpeachable source, shows hurricane damage and is clearly labeled ‘Minnesota.’ And listen to this expert.”
An expert walked up to Rather. “That is clearly a label.” He then walked away.
“So, you snot-nosed punks, stop doubting me!” Rather then jumped up on his desk. “I am newscaster Rather! Fear my power, or I shall report your obituary!”
“I thank everyone for coming to this press conference,” Florida Governor Jeb Bush said, “These hurricanes have certainly been very hard on our state, and the amount of them is unusual. I’ve consulted a while with my staff, and we came to one conclusion: God is angry at us.
“We still have two months left of hurricane season in which God can express His wrath, so I think we need to make sure we are all extra holy. No sinning; nothing to provoke His unending rage. And, in case Pat Robertson is right, all you homosexuals better quit doing your… uh… gay stuff… you know. And I’m looking especially at Miami and Key West. Just cut that out… at least until December.
“I’m going to now go burn a goat as an offering to the Lord. Disney World is going a step further and burning all of Space Mountain as sacrifice to our wrathful God. If all the rest of you have something you can give up and burn in sacrifice, the firefighters will be handing out pamphlets on safe sacrifices.
“Thank you all, and please spare us, almighty Lord! Please take your wrath out on evil Cuba and the unfaithful Fidel. They don’t have much of an economy to interrupt anyway.”
First!
That’s hilarious. I saw that
Geraldo episode on Saturday. A friend and I were commenting on just what an idiot she looked like.
You’re a card Frank. (I think it’s the joker though).
“the firefighters will be handing out pamphlets on safe sacrifices.”
The one thing that always comes to mind when I’m thinking about sacrifices: SAFETY
The first part’s funny, but you gotta know, Jeb Bush would never say that. You gotta have at least a grain of truth to grow humor, Frank.
Steve
DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS
haha. i don’t understand why reporters have to stand out in it.
A humble suggestion for a future IMW…have CBS news hire an expert reporter to cover the Scott Peterson trial…O.J. Simpson.
Hurricanes don’t come to Minnesota because Minnesota bores them. They calm right down and go into a coma here up here. Florida has many more pretty, bright-colored objects to blow around. And Dan Rather didn’t go to Florida (obviously) because he knows what God does to liars.
I’ve never seen a reporter stand out in the middle of a tornado. Maybe our reporters out here in tornadoland aren’t as brave as the coastal variety.
I’d kinda like to see Geraldo cover a tsunami from the floor of a bay, just as the water is returning.
If Disney World is going to burn down something for a sacrifice, they should burn down that horrid water park, it makes Cedar Point’s Water Park look like heaven.
For all of these “park engineers” episodes I have seen on various channels, I can’t believe the stupid design of that park. We waited an hour and a half FOR A LOCKER. They had no line management, people were blocking everything. Oh, I got a good idea, let’s put the water slide on the very top of it, let people stand out there for 2 or 3 hours with no shade from the sun in the MIDDLE OF FLORIDA!!!!!!!!
Ach, that whole place should be SMITTED – outside of the LEGO store – that was cool.
Did you see the footage of the reporter in the yellow slicker out in the hurricane? It picked him up and threw him about 10 feet! It was hilarious! When the camera went back to the local weatherman, he was cracking up (I don’t think they’re supposed to do that)!
God’s gone Old Testament on you Floridians!
God is just making sure that there are no doubts in this election. Though dead democrats have been known to vote.
LOL Jonag, God has gone Old Testament on you Floridians.
Excellent Work FrankJ
Then we can have a new slogan: ‘FOX News: Our reporters are smart enough not to stand out in deadly storms.'”
LMAO. Having the sense to come in out of the rain. Whatever happened to that?
“unfaithul Fidel”
Don’t know if you were intending to make this pun, but I thought it was hilarious.
Power came on just the other day for me.
BTW, while Jeb Bush wouldn’t say that, he did get frustrated and say that he felt like he was starring in a remake of ‘Groundhog Day’ during one of the press conferences.
Obviously Florida is getting trashed because they arn’t killing enough terrorist…