People are trying to subvert democracy, and it’s up to us to stop them. Thus, we need to stop voter fraud. Here are some tips on how to do that:
* Post signs saying, “If You Vote Incorrectly, You Will Be Shot.” If someone charges voter intimidation, stare at him menacingly.
* If you see someone trading crack for voter registrations, take the crack away and don’t give it back until he apologizes.
* If someone is wearing red, he may be a Communist! Don’t let him vote but instead throw him in the pokey.
* Monkeys aren’t allowed to vote, so, if you see any monkeys, chase them away! Bad monkeys interfering with democracy!
* A terrorist attack is a great way to distract from an election. If a nuclear bomb goes off, don’t take your eyes off that ballot box!
* Yank on everyone’s mustaches to make sure no one is trying to vote again with a fake mustache. If someone protests, he must be a fraudster! Into the pokey with him!
* Democrats are known for fraud or just voting wrong, so it’s best to just not let them vote.
* Check everyone’s ID before letting him or her vote. You can tell if an ID is real if it burns with a blue flame.
* Watch over everyone’s shoulders as they vote to make sure they’re doing nothing fraudulent. If someone complains, he must be a fraudster! Into the pokey with him.
* If you catch a fraudster, hang him on the spot. His corpse will then discourage others from fraud. If someone complains of voter intimidations, remind the person you have more rope.
* If someone has shifty looking eyes to you, he’s probably a fraudster! Better safe than sorry, so throw him in the pokey.
* Everyone should only get one vote. If someone says he won a second vote in a McDonalds giveaway, carefully inspect the free vote card to see if it appears real.
Remember: Democracy is important, so, whenever in doubt, throw someone in the pokey.
the pokey, thats classic. funny stuff, as usual. so, is McDonalds really giving away second votes? helluva way to sell a few extra big macs.
Is that the Hokey Pokey? Sorry couldn’t resist
Y’know, the Hokey Pokey really isn’t what it’s all about.
I’m going to practice my menacing stare today while I’m teaching high school. I feel confident that I have it honed to a fine edge, but one can never have enough practice, right?
You’re hilarious, Frank dear. More Snickers brownies for you today, as a reward for this.
Monkeys aren’t allowed to vote, so, if you see any monkeys, chase them away! Bad monkeys interfering with democracy!
But I provide the empire with it’s ewok supply…can’t I vote just a little? plllllleeeezzzzeeee?? big toothy grin
I promise to follow these here rulz to the letter.
I read on the net where the dems have 10,000 lawyers lined up to insure fair elections. If we can’t trust democratic party lawyers, who can we trust? Ohf***ohf***ohf*** we’re in a nine wire bind!
Into the pokey with them!
Great Frank. Nice job!
Wait a sec. Are we supposed to throw the fraudsters in the pokey (comment #9) or hang them on the spot(comment #10? Are you flip-flopping?
By the way, here is the missing space and ending parenthesis from my above comment: _ ) Sorry, I was just too excited about finally having something to say on this comment board.
What is this pokey, exactly?
I was sure that real ID burns with green flame. Oh well, let me check…
“A terrorist attack is a great way to distract from an election.”
This worked for the Socialists in Spain.
pokeys are painful
we should still have the stocks in the center of town…it would be a great punishment for voter fraud. people could throw garbage at them, and considering what america throws away, it could get pretty nasty.
The free crack thing is a BUST. I called the NAACP but they hung up on me.
Anyway, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the sort of person recruited by a crackhead actually finding the voting booth.
::Lotsa rope::
Love that one! 🙂
good point jeff, unless, or course the US Postal Service delivers to the cardboard boxes in the alley behind the K-Mart, but then what crack head is going to spring on stamps for the absentee ballot? that 37 cents comes right out of their crack budget, and that would be unacceptable.
Amazing.
I had set up a voters registration table at school a few weeks ago and put a huge sign that said “VOTERS FRAUD IS A FELONY” with a list of things that are considered “voters fraud” I highlighted the part that said if you claim to be 18 and you are NOT that is voters fraud, just in case some stupid person thought they’d be funny and register to vote even though they are only 17. So this guy, John, registers to vote and someone else comes up after he leaves and says they thought he was only 17…later that day I ran into him and asked him if he was really 18 and he assures me that he is, and I say “good, because you know its a felony to register early and you could get fines alot of money.” he gives me this look like “DEAR GOD WAHT HAVE I DONE????” and says “PLEASE DON’T TURN IT IN!!!!” I’m not really 18! I proceed to throw things at him and ask him repeatedly “WHY?” “WHY?” he ashamedly admitted to me that his English teacher was giving extra credit to the students that were registering to vote at my booth and he was failing english. I about died laughing. Luckily, I hadn’t turned his form in yet, but I told him I forgot to take his form out of the stack and turned it in anyway. He about died. 🙂
What do I do if I see Aquaman attempting to vote?
You know why they call it the pokey don’t ya. Ask Bubba he knows.
Absolutely hilarious! County Detentions are going to be full NOVEMBER 2
Pokey? Isn’t that GUmby’s horse? Or was he a donkey? Hmm…..
Pokey – I got it – it’s that character from one of the Super Mario games – the cactus thing made up of about 5 balls of cactus – you grabbed the head, threw it away, and kept going until pokey was all gone. If you ran into pokey, you
were injured!
Just my luck I would get to the voting booth, and a nuke would go off. Sheesh!
Seriously, I hope nothing like that happens, but I will put nothing by those darn terrorists.
I am feeling an all Republican voting year yet again – – maybe a vote for a Libertarian for a race that I know the Republican can’t win (There are a few here after all).
If I see any monkies, and Aquaman, I will grab the monkies, throw them at Aquaman, and then run in line ahead of them both!
What is the diffrence between a terrorist and a democrat ? They are both out to destroy America and will use any means to do so. The terrorists are just honest about it.
Pokey? Pokey??? Here in Chicago, we call it the “hoosegow,” though in a pinch we will accept “clink,” “cooler,” “stir,” or “calaboose.” Just a lil FYI 🙂
Why can’t Aquaman vote? I thought he was an American. I mean, c’mon, if you watched the 70’s cartoon you’d know he was a member of the Justice League of America…..maybe it’s because he has gills or something, or a felony on his record?