With ninja stars, dual .45s, and… well, I don’t want to spoil it all, but this flash animation has everything! (including profanity, so be warned)
Thanks to reader R. Czigan for pointing me to it.
UPDATE: Maybe you’re supposed to go here, go to browse (under “stuff”), swf, and then bob_the_ball.swf
Also, RightWingDuck has a tribute to Rodney Dangerfield that couldn’t be more fitting. Make sure to check it out.
Archive of entries posted on 6th October 2004
Now the Ball is in My Court
The time for submitting to the contest is over. I’ll pick my favorite five and you’ll get to vote on them Friday.
Whitler Strikes Again!
Bill Whittle has returned with a new essay. As always, haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but, if history is any evidence, it is well worth your time. Here’s the first paragraph:
Watching the Presidential debates of October 1st, and the subsequent reactions to them, has left me once again with the sad realization that there are many millions of people who prefer a man who says the wrong things well over one who says the right things badly — and in the case of the first debates we are talking about saying very, very stupid things well and intelligent things very, very badly.
I’ll get to reading it soon; you should make some time yourself.
Wisdom Most Conventional
An important thing – especially for us humor writers – is not our own opinion about something, but what’s the conventional wisdom (CW for short) on the subject. As a service, I thought I’d sum up all the conventional wisdom on the VP debate.
CONVENTIONAL WISDOM ON THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
* Cheney performed well in the debate and helped stopped Kerry’s momentum from the first presidential debate.
* Cheney did better in the first half (the foreign policy part of the debate) than the second half, but that half was more important.
* Gwen Ifill did a good job as moderator, but the part where they weren’t allowed to say their running mate’s name was a little odd.
* By putting Kerry’s senate record out on the table again, Cheney really helped the Bush campaign.
* Though Cheney made Edwards look like a little scrappy schoolboy, Edwards’s hair was shiny.
* Cheney showed he wasn’t the mean ogre the Democrats liked to portray him as by not lifting Edwards over his head and snapping him in two – something Cheney could easily do since his bionic heart gives him ten times the strength of the average man.
* The debate proved once and for all that Edwards is, in fact, a homosexual.
* There is nothing wrong with that.
* When Edwards tearfully ran to his wife after the debate ended, the words he mouthed to her were, “Mommy!”
* The might of the evil Halliburton corporation that backed Cheney was stronger than the might of Satan that backs all trial lawyers.
* When Edwards’s dad said he was watching to TV to learn to do math, he was just covering up to his son that he was actually watching porn.
* The monkeys running around the stage showed that Cleveland has poor pest control.
* When Cheney’s criticism of the Kerry/Edwards campaign became quite sharp, it was considered quite childish how Edwards tried to hide under his suit jacket.
* Though Cheney scored points against Edwards by pointing out his poor attendance record at the Senate and how Edwards had no penis, this helped little since the main target should have been Kerry.
Apropos to Nothing…
I forgot I had a Chomps theme song. I should do something with that again…
Question of the Day
I already said my opinion on the VP debate.
What do you think?
UPDATE: Michelle Malkin has some good analysis with links to more bloggers’ takes on the debate.
Know Thy Enemy: Halliburton
As we all know from the media, Cheney serves his master the corporation Halliburton, the most evil corporation there is. Thus I sent my crack research staff to find out all they can about Halliburton, and I even checked out the FactCheck.org site Cheney mentioned (my sister was the first one to tell me about that site; good silly sister). Here are the goods:
FUN FACTS ABOUT HALLIBURTON
* Halliburton gets its name from the last name of Lucifer Halliburton, prince of darkness.
* Halliburton the corporation was founded right after Adam and Eve were expelled from paradise and soon got a sole-source contract for building their house.
* The cross Christ was crucified on – all Halliburton. They had sole-source on that for the Romans.
* During the Dark Ages, Halliburton labored long and hard to find a way to pollute the world using the technology available, but ended up on just causing the crusades since they had the sole-source on chain mail and the pope was a former CEO of theirs.
* While Andrew Jackson was president, Halliburton was able to get a contract to randomly destroy forest and kill woodland creatures for no particular reason.
* In the 80’s, Halliburton researched how to turn puppies into nuclear waste that they could then put in the water of school children.
* After Cheney became CEO, Halliburton made money by bulldozing orphanages in third world countries to make chemical weapons plants to use on kittens.
* Some are confused exactly what business Halliburton does. Its main products are pollution, hatred, death, and lawn furniture.
* Remember when you didn’t get that toy you wanted for Christmas? It was because of Halliburton!
* In Iraq, Halliburton has a couple people instructed to bang a hammer against pieces of wood to pretend they’re constructing something while the rest of the employees work on stealing all that sweet, sweet oil.
* Halliburton saves money on labor by using slave labor. They save money on slave drivers by just giving whips to angry gorillas.
* Know who canceled the original Star Trek? Halliburton!
* Halliburton contractors in Iraq have been instructed to strap Iraqi children to themselves to protect themselves from bullets.
* Halliburton holds the patents on strife, suffering, genocide, and pure evil.
* Despite seemingly cutting contact with Halliburton and its profits, Cheney gets a dollar from Halliburton each time an innocent civilian in Iraq is killed.
* In a fight between Aquaman and Halliburton, Aquaman would be bribed with a cushy job to not tell the press how Halliburton is dumping waste in the ocean (hey, the ocean is two thirds of the earth; where else are you supposed to dump waste?).
* In the movie Planet of the Apes, know who blew up the Statue of Liberty? Halliburton!
* Reliable polemic, government-controlled newspapers in the Middle East say that not only is Halliburton part of the Great Satan, it’s also run by jooooos!
* Halliburton has gotten its pollution so efficient, it soon should be able to produce pure pollution without any commercial byproduct.
* Halliburton has done business with America’s sworn enemies such as Libya, Iran, and France.
* It’s in the Halliburton mission statement to put evil and the customer before profit.
Quick VP Debate Analysis
Cheney for president!
The debate was like an experienced statesman – Cheney for instance – against Scrappy Doo.
Well, I hope Bush does better than last time on Friday, or it’s fist shaking time!
BTW, like I said I would, I did play a computer game while watching this debate. It was Far Cry, and I killed many people while sneaking through the jungle listening to Cheney verbally pound the little trial lawyer.