An important thing – especially for us humor writers – is not our own opinion about something, but what’s the conventional wisdom (CW for short) on the subject. As a service, I thought I’d sum up all the conventional wisdom on the VP debate.
CONVENTIONAL WISDOM ON THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
* Cheney performed well in the debate and helped stopped Kerry’s momentum from the first presidential debate.
* Cheney did better in the first half (the foreign policy part of the debate) than the second half, but that half was more important.
* Gwen Ifill did a good job as moderator, but the part where they weren’t allowed to say their running mate’s name was a little odd.
* By putting Kerry’s senate record out on the table again, Cheney really helped the Bush campaign.
* Though Cheney made Edwards look like a little scrappy schoolboy, Edwards’s hair was shiny.
* Cheney showed he wasn’t the mean ogre the Democrats liked to portray him as by not lifting Edwards over his head and snapping him in two – something Cheney could easily do since his bionic heart gives him ten times the strength of the average man.
* The debate proved once and for all that Edwards is, in fact, a homosexual.
* There is nothing wrong with that.
* When Edwards tearfully ran to his wife after the debate ended, the words he mouthed to her were, “Mommy!”
* The might of the evil Halliburton corporation that backed Cheney was stronger than the might of Satan that backs all trial lawyers.
* When Edwards’s dad said he was watching to TV to learn to do math, he was just covering up to his son that he was actually watching porn.
* The monkeys running around the stage showed that Cleveland has poor pest control.
* When Cheney’s criticism of the Kerry/Edwards campaign became quite sharp, it was considered quite childish how Edwards tried to hide under his suit jacket.
* Though Cheney scored points against Edwards by pointing out his poor attendance record at the Senate and how Edwards had no penis, this helped little since the main target should have been Kerry.
First????
Wow, first time being first.
Anyhoo, Cheney did great! He jabbed right back at Monkee-Boy every chance he had. It’s about time it got down and dirty.
LOL. sounds about right to me. 🙂
“Cheney showed he wasn’t the mean ogre the Democrats liked to portray him as by not lifting Edwards over his head and snapping him in two – something Cheney could easily do since his bionic heart gives him ten times the strength of the average man.”
he should of 😉
Was it my imagination or did the mediator look like she wanted to smack Edwards around a little bit too?
When Edwards pulled his dirty lawyer trick and pretended to care that Cheney has a gay daughter, Cheney should have used the 30 second rebuttle to ask Johnny Boy if his wife knew she was a beard yet.
“The monkeys running around the stage showed that Cleveland has poor pest control.”
Those of you outside the Cleveland area probably didn’t see this, but on our local news they showed all the hippies out on the Case campus, protesting Cheney’s pressence apparently. More proof of our poor pest control.
Your next Ronin Thought of the Day has to be a quote from Bill Whittle’s latest essay at http://www.ejectejecteject.com/archives/000108.html
There are so many good ones there to choose from.
You know, everyone said this was going to be the “Dick Cheney as ‘Dr. No’ and John Edwards as ‘Marshall Will Kane'” matchup. It turned out to be more of a “Perry White vs. Jimmy Olsen” matchup.
I have some high-level highlights on the debate:
CHENEY:
Even though many of the questions were skewed against him, he’s did very well and even giving out some pretty good zingers. Good deflection on the Haliburton issue, excellent command of policy issues/facts, and it’s too bad he actually did meet Edwards prior to the debate–if so, that line would’ve been classic.
EDWARDS:
Edwards had previously not publicly sided with the DemLeft Kook fringe during his candidacy for president, but last night he was getting his talking points directly from Michael Moore. “I don’t wanna talk about my record unless I talk about Haliburton first and then change the subject! By the way, Iraq had no connection to 9/11! John Kerry and I have a plan to ‘win the peace!’ Doesn’t mah hair look naah-ice?”
Even Daddy Edwards, who we were told learned how to count from “Sesame Street” by the warm soft glow of the TV in the kitchen on his days off from working at the mill, added up the debate scorecard and concluded that Dick Cheney handily beat his boy.
I predicted the monkeys would be there! And I’m not even in Ohio. I did fail in my prediction skills when I said the monkeys would eat Gwen Ifill. She cleverly hid her commieness thus confusing the wee beasties who instead ate Mary Beth Cowhull.
Even I, one of the few token non-hippie libruls here, must admit that Darth Cheney pretty much ate BreckBoy’s lunch. Our Pretty Boy did get in just a few little zings (yes, Cheney has, indeed, been insisting that Saddam was involved in 9/11, yadda yadda), but mostly was Miss Nell tied to the railroad tracks and John-Dudley Do-right was off sailboarding or something…
~sigh~
jean
I have to disagree about Gwen. She apparently is a news reader and had only a slighty better control of the debate than Kerry has of reality.
As for Cheney having met Edwards before: I have known of people whose presence is so imposing that it takes three or four introductions to remember who they are.
Jean,
Could you please provide a quote or proof that Cheney has linked 9/11 with Saddam. I am waiting with baited breath.
cheney rocks… hes my hero..
Frank, quit pretending that “there is nothing wrong with that.”