It’s Sunday, so it’s time for more Bible quotes from the exclusive Catholic book of Tobit. Hooray!
1 The Lord once appeared to Tobit. In His mighty hand was a spear, which He then held out to the humble Tobit. 2 “Take this and hide it somewhere,” commandeth the Lord, “and, if anyone comes around asking about Me, say you ain’t seen Me.”
3 “Am I supposed to deny my lord?” asked Tobit as he accepted the spear. 4 “Why do you have to make things complicated, Tobit?” answered the Lord, “Just say you haven’t seen Me in the past day. And stash that spear someplace good or I swear to Me I’ll smite ya.”
5 “Uh… I will not fail thee, my Lord,” Tobit stated as he peered at the spear. 6 “You better not,” threatened the Lord, “now all I need is an alibi. Since I’m everywhere at once, I guess that means I always have an alibi… or does that mean I never have an alibi. Whatcha think, Tobit?”
7 “And what exactly is this all about, Almighty?” Tobit queried. 8 “This is not the time for questions, Toby!” the Lord said with a thunderous voice, “Man, I think I hear people coming. You just hide that spear, and I’ll handle the rest.”
9 “Whatever you command, Lord, it shall be done,” Tobit said, “For I am a…” 10 In a flash, though, the Lord was gone as there was a knock at Tobit’s door. Tobit dutifully hid the spear, and the Lord got away scott-free.