It’s Michelle Malkin’s birthday! Click here to see what she would like you to do as a present to her.

Over the weekend, I went to see Team America: World Police with SarahK. It was so profane and offensive that it probably earned me a week in purgatory.
But it was worth it.
Do you want to laugh your pinky-toe off while watching France get blown to smithereens and the Hollywood left get slaughtered? Of course you do. This has to be one of the funniest movies every made… and there are explosions!
In the plot, the force for good, Team America, recruit an actor, Gary, to help them infiltrate and kill terrorists. Then Kim Jong Il of North Korea arises as a threat, using the Film Actors Guild to help him in his evil plot to destroy the world.
Explosions and hilarity ensues.
And songs, lots of hilarious songs (make sure to stay through the credits to hear Kim Jong Il sing “You’re So Worthress, Arec Bardwin”). SarahK started laughing so hard at the country song “Freedom Isn’t Free,” that I thought people were going to start staring at us. The theme, America, F**K YEAH, is so catchy that SarahK, who hates swears, later in the day kept singing “America…” only to catch herself and stop. I’m so getting the soundtrack when it comes out on Election Day (and probably a copy for my brother so he can play the theme when fighting in Iraq).
The movie ends with a profound speech dividng people into three camps, and it is very insightful… but I can’t repeat any of it because the whole premise is vulgar.
Anyway, go see Team America, it’s worth a buck o’ five (unless you are offended by anything, because that will probably be in the movie). I give it four and a half stars out of five.

Jimmy Carter, failure given human form, has now said that the Revolutionary War was unnecessary.
Was this guy really elected president… during the COLD WAR?! Far as I heard, his only real accomplisment of note was getting Ronald Reagan elected.
That’s it. America needs to demand its presidents have some micron of respectability. While we work on ways to honor Reagan’s legacy, we should also be working on ways to dishonor Carter. I say we strike him from the record books. His portrait and name should be removed from all lists of presidents, and, if he is ever to be referred to, he shall be called “the failed president who has no name.”
Carter should then have a mask of iron placed on him and be locked away in some tower where no one can hear his cries of, “I’m Jimmah Cahtah!”
The American presidency is a profound undertaking, and failure with it should be punished severely.

If you’re SarahK, don’t read this post.

Continue reading ‘No One!’ »

People are trying to subvert democracy, and it’s up to us to stop them. Thus, we need to stop voter fraud. Here are some tips on how to do that:
* Post signs saying, “If You Vote Incorrectly, You Will Be Shot.” If someone charges voter intimidation, stare at him menacingly.
* If you see someone trading crack for voter registrations, take the crack away and don’t give it back until he apologizes.
* If someone is wearing red, he may be a Communist! Don’t let him vote but instead throw him in the pokey.
* Monkeys aren’t allowed to vote, so, if you see any monkeys, chase them away! Bad monkeys interfering with democracy!
* A terrorist attack is a great way to distract from an election. If a nuclear bomb goes off, don’t take your eyes off that ballot box!
* Yank on everyone’s mustaches to make sure no one is trying to vote again with a fake mustache. If someone protests, he must be a fraudster! Into the pokey with him!
* Democrats are known for fraud or just voting wrong, so it’s best to just not let them vote.
* Check everyone’s ID before letting him or her vote. You can tell if an ID is real if it burns with a blue flame.
* Watch over everyone’s shoulders as they vote to make sure they’re doing nothing fraudulent. If someone complains, he must be a fraudster! Into the pokey with him.
* If you catch a fraudster, hang him on the spot. His corpse will then discourage others from fraud. If someone complains of voter intimidations, remind the person you have more rope.
* If someone has shifty looking eyes to you, he’s probably a fraudster! Better safe than sorry, so throw him in the pokey.
* Everyone should only get one vote. If someone says he won a second vote in a McDonalds giveaway, carefully inspect the free vote card to see if it appears real.
Remember: Democracy is important, so, whenever in doubt, throw someone in the pokey.