A Post by Guest Blogger RightWingDuck.
Friends, CBS will soon be coming out with the resulst of their investigation on the Forged Air National Guard Records. Yes, a complete report after all this time.
Do not be upset this delay. Please understand, it takes two days to decide to air a document, and several months to figure out if it was real.
However, since we are not as bright as those Blue Staters, I decided to put together a translation guide — to better enable you to understand their statements. The Mainstream Media, like all things French, have their own language. Never fear – RightWingDuck is here (Hey, that rhymed).
I present to you..
The RWD Phrasebook of CBS Reporting.
Our goal is to report the facts
We’ll do anything to nuke Bush.
We consulted everything the bloggers have noted
Man, Moxie looks great in go-go boots.
And we held an executive meetings…
Happy Hour, hurray.
And we had many spirited debates.
Drinking, drinking, and RPG barfing.
After a thorough analysis
Where the hell did we put those papers?
And several consultations
Happy Hour!!
With well well known, well respected, professional–
Somebody, who knows somebody,
Typewriting experts
Who knows somebody, who knows my brother-in-law
We can not be sure that these were not originals
We’re too cheap too buy a Selectric typewriter and do a text comparison.
So we made a decision
We flipped a coin
We can’t be sure, but we apologize if people thought we were lying on purpose.
We were lying on purpose.
Dan Rather is deeply embarrassed by all of this..
He’ll never be able to cash a check without 10 forms of ID.
And so is the entire CBS staff.
Is it Happy hour yet?
Good Night.
Cha ching. I’m making big money just for keeping a straight face.
**
There, I hope this better helps you to understand this weird foreign language we keep hearing on TV.
I might have missed something, so tell me if there are any other phrases that may need translating.
BTW, I have a new post up at www.rightwingduck.net regarding this whole Powerline flap with a local columnist on the attack.
Man, these media guys do speak a different language.
Dude. FIRST!
Man am I going to take some heat for that!?
Its hard to believe that someone could honestly say Dan Rather isn’t biased, even before the whole document scam.
Rather’s publicist was one of the main organizers of the Million Mom March, which has much more than an anti gun agenda. Its a leftist movement if I ever saw one.
DAMN, Ducky! What are you DOING? You can’t guest post while Frank is still in town!
Now he’s gonna send SarahK over to your house to strangle you with her stick-figure bow.
Don’t open the door for ANYONE!
and here I thought the proper translation of Good Night also included “Happy Hour!!” somewhere within it . . .
in reply to tyler
dude. SIXTH
rwd is funny..he should take over frank..DUCKIE KILL FRANK!! DIE!! DIE!!
Don’t forget the weather people…. Rain Devastates Cincinnati! “Water droplets fell from the sky and some people got their hair wet.’
Thank you Settra – I think.
(Starts to edge his way towards the door)
Dan Rather for President, 2008!!
Dan Rather for President, 2008!!
” After Intensive Analysis of the documents we are still unable to confirm their authenticity.”
Translation: ” Say does this “Hiccup ” Look like a real military document, “belch”, to you?” “Ah Geeze Harold that’s another bar napkin what did you do with the originals?”
OT, but still very cool. Yes, we will rule the world!
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/0,,SB110505856950619585,00.html?mod=todays%5Ffree%5Ffeature
Seems Bush is proving again why we gun-nuts love him.
Nice work RWD. You got IMAO an instalanche. Something I don’t think Frank has done lately. Now’s your chance: Coup! bloodless or otherwise.
The CBS forged document report will only come out if there is sufficient news from other sources to burry it. I think they were hoping that the new Attorney General hearing thingy would be enough.
Since there doens’t seem to be a lot of other news right now, they’ll delay the release another week, and hope something blows up next friday.