Bush sat at his desk, tapping his fingers on the surface. “Bored. Bored. Bored,” he muttered. “Hey, Rover,” he finally called out, “Anything I should be doing?”
The hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “Everything goes as planned. All is in its place.”
“But I wanted something to do,” Bush moaned, “Well, Rumsfeld is still trapped in the bowels of hell. Maybe I can plot how to help him.”
A pentagram appeared on the floor of the oval office, and a flame arose from it. When the flame disappeared, there stood Donald Rumsfeld.
“You stole my entrance!” Rove shouted and then disappeared back into the darkness from whence he came.
“Hey, you escaped from hell!” Bush exclaimed.
“Yeah, got tired of that place,” Rumsfeld said, “Found some people I had strangled before and was able to strangle them again, but it just wasn’t the same.”
Bush shook his head. “You can never go home again. So, Rummy, got some crazy war plans?”
“I’m old and I’m taking a nap,” Rumsfeld said and walked off.
Scott McClellan then came by the office. “So what’s that wacky press up to today?” Bush asked him hopefully.
“Nothing. They actually couldn’t come up with any questions so we ended the press conference early. Wanna go play some racquetball?”
“Yeah… but not with you,” Bush answered, “If I hang out with you, everyone will think I’m a dweeb, too. Understand?”
“You’re mean!” Scott yelled as he stormed off.
Laura then came by the office. “I’m bored, dear,” he called to her, “Give me something to do!”
“Why don’t you read those news magazines on your desk there and try and be informed,” she suggested.
“But news is boring!” Bush moaned. He then picked up a copy of Newsweek. “I think this one has comics; I like those.” Bush flipped through a couple pages and then started laughing. Suddenly, he stopped. “Wait a second… that was making fun of me! And my ears are not that big!” Bush angrily flipped through a few more pages. “The Bush Administration is disrespectful to Islam,” Bush read aloud, “Unnamed White House officials tell of how the toilet paper in the bathrooms of the White House have been replaced with pages torn from the Koran. Also at the White House is a painting depicting Jesus strangling the prophet Mohammed. This is all just part of a pattern of behavior of Bush who had the sign supposedly pointing in the direction of Mecca at the Guantanamo Bay prison actually point to the nearest Porta-Potty.” Bush threw down the magazine in anger. “Barely any of that’s true at all!”

“Omar, I’ve been hardly angry at anything lately.”
“Me too, Ahmed. Also, I’m starting to like America.”
“Well, let’s check the newest copy of Newsweek to see what’s going on in the world.” Ahmed purchased a copy from the newsstand and flipped to the main story. After reading a paragraph into the story, Ahmed ripped the magazine apart and shouted, “Jihad!”

“Blood, chaos, mayhem – that is what journalism is about,” said the evil editor of Newsweek. “These stories that enrage the Muslims are causing destruction and increasing sales since they tend to rip apart the first copy in anger and then buy another to remember what they’re angry about. Do we have anything else for the next issue?”
“I have a story on how Bush snuck into Mecca and spray painted his gang sign there,” said one writer.
“How many sources do you have on that?”
“0.3”
“Good enough; run with it! Muh ha ha ha!”

“So it’s rioting in the Middle East and guess who has to deal with it,” Condoleezza Rice complained, “Me, that’s who. Why couldn’t I be Secretary of Defense?”
“Because diplomacy is for women and kill’n is for men,” Rumsfeld answered.
“I’ll show you killing!” Condi shouted and approached Rumsfeld.
“Let’s save our violence for Newsweek,” Bush said, “Now hand me my fact-checker.”
“The 12-gauge?” Condi asked.
“That’ll do.”
Laura walked into the room. “Are you going to use violence to solve a problem again?”
“No, dear,” Bush answered, stuffing his pockets with shotguns shells.
“You know, when someone in the media writes something that isn’t true,” Laura told him, “the popular and effective way to combat it is to blog about it.”
“Blog!” Rumsfeld yelled, “Sounds like something for homosexuals.”
Scott ran into the room. “Did someone say blog? Blogs are full of cool information!”
“See,” Rumsfeld growled.
“Now, you give it a try,” Laura commanded Bush.
“Aww,” he whined, “sounds like this will involve writing.”

“Hello. This is a new blog,” Bush typed, “You can call me Dubya. My day job is president of a major country, but I like to play videogames in my spare time. I have something to write about that is important, though. Newsweek recently posted an article that misrepresents the facts.” Bush paused for a moment. “Now how do I add a hypolink… ah, there I go.” He went back to typing. “If they followed up on that story, they would have found the time the president used a Koran as toilet paper was a one time mishap when the Saudi ambassador visited the White House. Also, they would know that the reason the sign pointing to Mecca points to a Porta-Potty is that that Porta-Potty has always served as the Mecca reference point since Gitmo was built. Finally, the supposed painting of Jesus strangling Mohammed is very open to interpretation.” Bush clicked on “Post” and sat there a few seconds. “Now what do I do?”

“How’s your blog going?” Laura asked.
“No one on the internets is reading it,” Bush complained, “I tried e-mailing the guy from Instapundit about it, but he never responded to my e-mail.” Bush shook his fist at the computer screen. “He thinks he’s too important to respond to me! You know, I heard somewhere that he puts puppies in blenders.”
“That’s horrible,” Laura said, “and I’m sure you’ll find an audience soon.”
Bush hit refresh on his web browser. “I have a comment!” he exclaimed. He clicked on the comments. “You look like a chimp,” he read aloud. Bush smiled. “My message is spreading!”

“Our misinformation and chaos cannot be stopped!” the Newsweek editor laughed, “Muh ha ha ha!”
“We have a problem,” said his aide, “The President is fact-checking us.”
“Who cares!”
“He’s doing it through a… blog.”
The editor recoiled in horror. “The President has a blog?! With the magical power of blogging, he’ll be able to have any of us fired at will. He’ll be unstoppable! Quick, we must get all the heads of media together immediately in a coalition of journalism and evil to stop this menace before it can grow!”
TO BE CONTINUED…