You may not know it since I don’t respond too often, but I do read every single comment to my posts since they get e-mailed to me. Lately, I’ve noticed some comments that are mean to me. That’s not good. I’m very sensitive, and, if I don’t get constant encouragement, I’m going to break down and eat ice cream until I’m fat. At my weight, it will take a long time until I’m fat, so that means a long time without posts. And, when I’m fat, I’ll have to be one of those funny fat guys, but that’s not really my thing. Plus, those people tend to die.
So, comment people, you police the comments. If someone is mean to me, you tell him “No!” and make him write nice comments to make me happy. Otherwise I’m just going to cry and write posts about what the cats are doing, and none of us want that.
You’re a very smart, well dressed professional. Now stay away from my Ice Cream!
Dagnabit Frank, I hate little skinny people who have to work at it to get fat. My @$$#^*& brother spent 10 YEARS trying to gain weight and went from 145 to 148. I on the other hand can gain 3 pounds from just driving past the #@$#@^ Krispy Kreme store when the donuts are fresh.
So skinny boy, since I hate being fat alone….You ugly and your Momma dresses you funny.
Now GO HIT THAT ICE CREAM.
I always thought you were funny. Especially that one time when the UAE president wrote that column calling us all tards for nixing the port deal. That was hilarious. Fun for the whole family.
Plus you’re a dog person, and who doesn’t love dog people?
NO! Not more cats! Anything but unfunny cat blogging!
Frank, you don’t suck!
I always stick up for you. The other day somebody said you weren’t worth dog-doo. I said you were.
Yeah I agree with Veeshir. You are definitely worth poo-poo!
what flavor ice cream?
Frank, skip the ice cream and head to the range. Clinking brass = instant encouragement.
Frank. No offense, but your timing is off on the getting fat concept.
If you were to eat ice cream and become fat 10 years ago, you would be asked to appear on Oprah and Sally Jessie Raphael, you would be applauded for being “a big person” and people would cry along with you as you explained that you are called names by non-fat people who don’t understand that it’s not your fault that you’re overweight…it’s genetics. Then Oprah would chastise the audience, and those of us watching at home, telling us that it’s not one’s choice to be fat or thin, that it’s completely out of our control to determine our own body weight, that many people just weigh too much and die young as a result naturally.
But today, it is again common knowledge that fat people are indeed “fat.” And, that fat people need to not be fat in order to not have a heart attack at 35 years of age. So, we’re forcing McDonalds to serve salads, taking soda machines out of schools, and all the cool breakfast cereals have undergone name changes to remove the word “Sugar” so that our kids will realize it’s evil to be fat.
Now, if we could only get rid of those stupid scooters in the grocery stores and Wal-Mart. They were meant for people with real handicaps, but are blatantly abused by lazy fat people who block the isle when I’m trying to get thru.
Maybe Michelle Malkin will create a graphic stating that she still supports you. That would be awful nice of her.
For those that like this sort of thing, you’re just the sort of thing they’d like.
I will not fall prey to this monkey faced self-loathing. Suck it up before someone punches you in the face. I’m sending a hippie over to confiscate your ice cream.
You only suck when you talk about the cats. Otherwise, you are funny..
No worries Frank. I am on the job!
If any stupid monkey faced liberal teases you, I will make sure to give him the what-for!
I will say!
Hey monkey faced liberal!
I am going to punch you in the face!
That will show him. Losers!
By the way, your joke about feeling bad and eating more and getting fat and becoming one of those funny fat people and how you don’t want to be one of those people!
FUNNY! I laughed my ass off!
Fat jokes are funny. Not as funny as jokes about punching people, but still pretty funny.
Your biggest fan!
Liberals are Monkey Faced
Liberals are Monkey Faced, NO!
Tsst!
(Can’t we just lock these humorless libs up in mental institutions where they belong? I doubt that they would protest, since that’s how their heroes in the USSR and PRC would handle it….)
(Well, actually they would probably be executed, but I would prefer to see these poster children for adult anencephaly suffer.)
Cry me a river, Fran J.
//FUNNY! I laughed my ass off!
Liberals are Monkey Faced//
So if this basement mushroom laughed his ass off, does make him half the man he used to be? Or, since he can’t really be considered a man(men have testicles) but is actually an ass, if he laughs his ass off does he laugh himself into nonexistance??
But then he’s also a troll, unless you consider trolling as a verb and that would mean he exists to troll…he trolls, therefore he is….
OUCHIES, Okay I hurt something now…
No worries Frank, we got your back.
Liberals are Monkey Faced –
To quote a real comedian – “…next time you have a thought, let it go.”
MORE CAT BLOGGING!
SarahK: next time you’re at BedBathBeyond, buy an ice cream machine.
oh,
and guns…
to shoot monkey faced liberals with;
punching takes too much effort
this post makes you sound like a sissy.
now get over it before i have my farmer friend brian sick his homemade robot scarecrow on your hippified self…
Uh-oh… I’m not funny or thin. If only Richard Simmons had a “Sweatin’ to the Funnies” video.
If I come across someone who’s being mean to you, I’ll just tell them the same thing I tell my young children, “No No! It’s not nice! Be gentle.”, since dealing with liberals isn’t that much different. Children do have better perception skills, though.
No! You must remain on the posting rampage! I will lose all inspiration if you do not! I will pledge my allegiance to you!
takes knee, removes helmet
I HEREBY PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO THE LEGENDARY FRANK J., AND ALL THAT HE SHALL HENCEFORTH DO… I SHALL REMAIN STEADFAST IN MY DEVOTION, AND LAUGH AT ALL HIS FUNNY JOKES ABOUT COTTON-HEADED NINNYMUGIN LIBERALS, REGARDLESS OF WHAT KIND OF ATTACKS I RUN INTO FOR MY DEFENSE OF HIS RIGHTEOUS ACTION.
IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY SPIRIT, AMEN.
Please accept my allegiance.
So… you’ll turn into your wife?
//takes knee, removes helmet
I HEREBY PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO THE LEGENDARY FRANK J., AND ALL THAT HE SHALL HENCEFORTH DO… //
OOOOOOOOO!!! Frank!! I like this one. Can we keep him????
Amen. Nobody wants more of that (the cats).
If you don’t like being called names then maybe you should not have a website. Frank, you smart, funny, skinny guy you. Next time someone is mean to you; punch them in their dumb liberal monkey-face!!! If it is not possible to find the person out there in the real world, then send them an e-card with an animation of one person repeatedly punching another in the face…preferably a monkey.
Oh yeah I forgot: Stay the Hell away from my fat-cream…err… I mean ice-cream! 🙂
NO RFTR, he will turn his SUV into your wifes butt crack. Otherwise known as the muninciple garage.
Wow, DohXs. Brilliant rejoinder! Congratulations on your amazing wit!
Gee Frank, I have been reading your blog for a few years now, and this is a new one. You, feeling down, because of some criticism! I hope its just a joke. Must be a sign of the times, though, everybody seems to be down right now politically and otherwise. For no good reason either, things are relatively good right now. But the morning comes after the night.