Archive of entries posted on January 2007

24 Day 6 — 9 a.m. to 10 a.m.

Posted by on

I would give a spoiler alert, but if you still haven’t caught up with your Tivo, you watch even more TV than we do, and that is crazy insane. You should cut back. Or take fewer business trips.
Note: It took me all week to come back to this episode and finish this hour of 24, because I hated it. It ended horribly. Not the nuke. Yeah, that was bad, but we all knew that was going to happen. Something huge was coming, or else all those commercials were waaaaaay overhyping the premier. But for Jack to shoot Curtis in the neck to save a terrorist who has killed hundreds, probably thousands of Americans? That was one of the suckiest plot twists ever ever. Frank says that they originally considered having Jack kill Tony to save Robocop last season, and this was just that horrible leftover plot device. You know, sometimes when leftovers have been sitting in my refrigerator for too long, if I just take them out and put them on the TV trays and say, “Mmm, eat up!” do you know what happens? Nothing, because I would never do that. Frank and I would get food poisoning, and I would never do that to my husband, because I love him and respect him too much. Leftovers have a shelf life.
Furthermore, the only reason I’m finishing my snark is because my husband, whom I love more than anyone else in the whole world, really wants me to. He also wants me to keep doing these every week, and he is the head of the household. Plus, I’m funnier when I think the show is stupid. Which is now, 24. I hate you and your Curtis-killing hero. I’m officially out of the Jack Bauer fan club. Do you know whom I heart? Horatio Caine, who is killing terrorists on Monday nights at 10 eastern. That’s right. Horatio never would have killed Curtis. He would have taken off his sunglasses, called the president, told the president that he would not head up the mission if Assad got a pardon (“I appreciate your help and will get you through this day alive, sir, but there are families out there who still need answers for your past crimes.”), looked at Curtis, said, “We’ll find another way,” put the sunglasses back on, “we’ll find another way.”
Jack is whack, and I don’t love him anymore.
Oh, BTW. When everyone looks back and tries to figure out when 24 jumped the shark? It’s this episode.
Previously on 24…
Do you wonder why they didn’t give Numir new clothes? Orange stands out, no? Whatever, it’s not like I want him to be safe out there. Bill is yelling at CTU for doing really bad jobs. Have any of them slept in weeks? Maybe you should bring in nap rooms like all the cool companies are doing, Bill. It’s your fault they lost Numir! No, wait, it’s the president’s fault that he was letting a hundred or so terrorists go by negotiating with terrorists. Something you — say it with me — don’t do.
Numir is German and moved to the Middle East eight years ago. He’s evil. Evil Germans! Wait. Those are my people. Hey, I should get all offended and demand an apology from 24! Oh wait, I’m not a big fat baby like some people.

Continue reading ‘24 Day 6 — 9 a.m. to 10 a.m.’ »

California Legislature Spanking Ban

Posted by on

Democratic California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber has vowed to introduce legislation this week banning the spanking of elected officials.
“Currently we face the ridiculous situation of having our law condone justifiable beating of legislators,” said Lieber. “Sure, I love a good spanking as much as the next consenting adult, but only if it involves a leather riding crop and a safety word. But using phyical violence to punish legislators for passing stupid laws? That’s just WRONG!”.
Governor Schwarzenegger seemed to agree, citing the corrective effects of both scheduled and recall elections. “We can discipline our legislators without hitting,” he said.
Under current law, any legislator that proposes, votes for, or passes any legislation in violation of either the Constitution or common sense can have “the stupid beat out of his ass” with an 18 by 6 inch wooden paddle.
Lieber disagrees with the policy.
“Most people know you should not hit legislators, and legislators do not know right from wrong,” she said. “Legislators you have to distract, remove, supervise, protect… preferrably with a shiny stack of unmarked bills.”
Others, however, think Lieber is full of crap.
“The day that the [government] votes in its own legislators, then they have a right to raise them,” wrote one constituent named Esther. “Till then, they are mine to do with as I please. I will raise them the way I see fit. If I think that those little butts need a swat… I will be the one to give it to them.”
Meanwhile, Republican Assemblywoman Audra Strickland has promised to counter Lieber’s bill with one of her own, which calls for a larger variety of corrective measures for wayward legislators. New options would include attending “wise-up classes” at either the Lyndie England Smoke & Point Discipline Academy or the President Clinton Internship Program, depending on gender and sexual preference.
spanking.jpg
“Assemblywoman Lieber’s gonna regret introducing this bill!”

Weekend Semi Open Thread

Posted by on

Why a semi open thread?
Because comments that don’t in any way reference the bipartisan idiocy of wanting the U.S. to LOSE in Iraq will be monkey’d with by me.
When I get around to it.

Friday Catblogging

Posted by on

Since it’s Friday, I thought I’d spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka “I-MEOW”).
Sure, Harry Reid wants to register all bloggers, but he won’t register catbloggers, will he?
Anyway, it’s time for Nardo the Zen Archer:


If you’re not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that “political humor” thing, it doesn’t. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Nardo is… um…
Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.

You can find more examples of Friday catblogging by searching a blog search engine such as Technorati for “catblogging.”
You can also find a roundup of catblogging posts at The Friday Ark, located at The Modulator blog.
Then, when the weekend is nearly over, head over to The Carnival of the Cats for more kitty goodness.
There’s also Flickr Groups called Furry Friday and Friday Catblogging.
Anybody I miss?

Continue reading ‘Friday Catblogging’ »

What is Mahmoud Abbas Praying For #21

Posted by on

It’s Friday, so you know it’s time for the wire services to post the non sequitur non-news story of Mahmoud Abbas praying at a mosque.
However, this week’s different… this week we’re going to start a new feature called:

WHAT IS MAHMOUD ABBAS PRAYING FOR?

So, from Mahmoud Abbas’ expressions, can you tell what Mahmoud Abbas is praying for?
Is it:

a) A breath mint for Nasser Youssef… or at least some Febreze for his kaffiyeh.

b) The Reuters cameraman just to use the same photos every week and fake it up like they do in Lebanon instead of hitting him with the flash fifty times while he’s praying.

c) Some of that $100 million dollars to actually make it to his desk.

d) The Antler Fairy to come and bring him some antlers.

e) Why can’t that sexy Olivia Newton John lead the yoga lessons?
or
f) NONE OF THE ABOVE
Put your guesses in the comments.

Time Magazine Announces Layoffs plus New Issue

Posted by on


Personally, I blame the Bush Economy.

In My World: Boxer Match

Posted by on

“…and that’s why I think we have a real plan for Iraq,” Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told the Foreign Relations Committee.
Her words were met with laughter.
Condi looked around with confusion. “What?”
Senatorette Barbra Boxer looked down upon Condi with scorn. “Really, do you think that in this day and age, with as advanced as we are as a society, that we’ll sit here and listen to the opinions of a childless black woman?”
Condi was taken aback. “Um… I’m not following.”
“I think my point was very clear!” Boxer shrieked. “If you don’t understand it, it’s too bad you don’t have children who can explain it to you like mine showed me how to use a Tivo. Anyway, I don’t see any further reason to listen to you on this subject.”
“So what your saying is that, even though I have a Ph.D in political science, was a professor at Stanford, was the National Security Advisor and am currently the Secretary of State, I can’t offer an opinion on foreign affairs because I lack children?”
“Exactly! Do you know why, Madame Secretary, we made Representative Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the House?”
Condi thought about that. “I’m going to guess it’s not because of qualifications or personality.”
“It’s because she’s a grandmother!” Boxer said and pounded the table. “Only someone with lots of children can understand that it better to pretend we’re safe now and do nothing than to go out there and stop probable future attacks. It’s simple head in the sand thinking that a barren Negress just wouldn’t understand!”
Condi looked around her table.
“What are you doing?” Boxer demanded.
“I’m trying to find something to throw at your head… something less cumbersome than a chair…”
“I’m just speaking truth to power!” Boxer shouted. “And, as a Senator from the most heavily populated state in America, you must listen to me!”
“Speaking truth to power to would be one of California’s overtaxed citizens telling you your haircut is kinda dykey.” Condi continued to fiddle with something on the table.
Boxer put her hands on her ears. “You don’t have children so I can’t hear you! La la la… AHHH!”

“Senator Boxer became knocked unconscious when a microphone stand became loose during a Foreign Relations Committee meeting,” the FOX News anchor stated. “She is wished a slow recovery. Now stay tuned for an hour of Bill O’Reilly yelling at people!”

Would you like Arbeit Macht Fries with that, Harry?

Posted by on

I’d just like to make a suggestion to Harry Reid as he’s working out the details for registering bloggers.

Continue reading ‘Would you like Arbeit Macht Fries with that, Harry?’ »

When Peace Symbols Go Bad

Posted by on

The European Union (motto: We Blame the Jooos) has recently taken the brave step of banning the swastika.
Normally, I would have no problem with this, since hardly any of my Neo-con armbands sport this particular logo. However, a few Hindus have taken offense over this ban.
I don’t know why.. Maybe they’re Nazis.
Just kidding.
Turns out that the swastika thing is some sort of Hindu symbol for peace and they are offended that this symbol offends people.
I’m a strong believer in Hindus. My best friend Carlos is from Hindu-ras. He’s cool.
Anyway, I was just wondering – if this peace symbol has been hijacked by the Nazis, why not go into the history books and used photoshop to insert more respectable peace symbols?
hitlerpeace.JPG
I believe this would be fair solution that would make all parties happy. Except for peace activists, who would undoubtedly hold endless candlelight vigils.

It’s Great Because No One Else Would Be Legally Allowed to Speak

Posted by on

Know what would be a great ticket for 2008? I think I just thought of a great one…

Continue reading ‘It’s Great Because No One Else Would Be Legally Allowed to Speak’ »

Too Bad to Be True

Posted by on

Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean shot a fleeing drug runner in the butt. The drug smuggler was then given immunity to testify against the Border Patrol agents (the drug smuggler broke his terms and smuggled drugs again, but was then also given immunity for that). Ramos was sentenced to eleven years in prison and Compean for twelve for violating the drug smuggler’s civil rights, and the drug smuggler is suing the government for $5 million. There’s now a huge movement to get President Bush to pardon the Border Patrol agents.
I don’t mean to be an Allahpundit, but maybe every should slow down here. This story is just so perfectly wrong, I don’t buy it. I don’t think there are some group of government officials out there saying, “We need to convict Border agents who try and stop drug smugglers… because we’re EVIL and hate America’s borders!” The fact is that the two agents were convicted by a jury of their peers for breaking the law. According to rules (which – maybe – need to be changed), they illegally shot someone which has a mandatory sentence of ten years. The sentence was added to because they were also convicted of obstruction of justice (Compean picked up his shell casings and the shooting wasn’t reported which, to me, says they knew they did something wrong). Also, they were given a plea deal for a year in prison, but they turned it down which led to what is basically the minimum sentence they could be given for their convicted crimes.
Now, there are plenty of reasons to think this wasn’t justice. Three jurors have since said they wanted to find the two not guilty but were told that the judge wouldn’t allow a hung jury. These are things that can be pursued through normal legal channels, though. It’s a lot to ask the President to hand out a pardon on a suspect shooting.
Sorry for this non-funny post, but everyone has these bandwagons they want people to jump on. And I don’t want to end up like the Kwazy Kos Kids and think that everything is some huge travesty of justice and the country is going to plunge into chaos if we don’t DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW! I want to keep Cool… like Coolidge.
Here’s a somewhat neutral article on the shooting. Here’s an article in favor of Ramos in Compean.
Feel free to convince me this is really as cut and dry as many of you think it is. Right now, I’m more interested in finding out who was giving immunity to the drug smuggler and firing those people.
UPDATE:
Speaking of Allahpundit, he has a post up with video Trancredo calling on Bush to pardon the Border Patrol agents and a link to a document the prosecutor of the case made to try and dispel myths about the case. He also links to Patterico who thinks the prosecution was just.
UPDATE 2:
I think this whole affair would make a great slogan to keep people from crossing our border: “You mess with our border, we shoot you in the butt.”

American Idol Season Six – Seattle auditions

Posted by on

Reportedly the worst stop on the auditions tour this year.
Brandon Groves. The guy who sang “I Shot the Sheriff” to Paula last season. Now he is dressed as Uncle Sam to sing “God Bless America”. And it’s bad.
Jennifer Chapton. The hotness. “Give Me Your Love”. Give me some earplugs. Wow, no wonder Paula went on the local Seattle show smashy smashed. She needed something to get through the pain of Seattle.
Not that I would have done. But wow.
Amy Salgado. Her husband isn’t supportive of her auditioning. That’s sad. But then again, she has a baby and responsibilities. Or… um. Maybe he wanted to spare her the embarrassment. He knew what would happen, because he’s heard her sing. I hope she went home and just let him give her a big hug.

Continue reading ‘American Idol Season Six – Seattle auditions’ »

Must… Carry… Rugged… Man-purse…

Posted by on

That wacky Keith Olbermann says 24 is “naked propaganda” while others ask if its a “neocon sex fantasy.” This is opinion where at least some of the Kwazy Kos Kids diverge with messiah Oblermann. On the other hand, SarahK is thinking of giving up on 24 because Jack Bauer killed Curtis (incidentally, I heard a rumor that was how Tony was supposed to die last season, i.e., Bauer was going to shoot him while he tried to kill Robocop, but they decided they didn’t have enough time in the season to explore the emotional effect that would have on Bauer).
I’ve noticed right-wing message in 24, but I’ve also seen left-wing talking points. So, what do you think? Is 24 all fear mongering to get us to vote Republican (and exterminate cougars)? I know I’ve only voted Republican since it first started airing. Coincidence? I think not!
UPDATE:
Dean Barnett has an FAQ on roughly the same subject.

Welcome Back!

Posted by on

Michelle Malkin is back from Iraq and has plenty to report. Glad to see she and Bryan Preston of Hot Air made the trip safely. Go see what she has to say and giver her a hearty welcome home.

No, His Name Isn’t The Problem…

Posted by on

I can deal with a president named “Obama”.
I can deal with the fact that he’s a colored fella.
I can even deal with the fact that he’s a liberal, socialist, tax-and-spend Democrat.
But I CAN’T deal with the fact that he looks like Barney Fife.
Fife obama.jpg
Obama ’08: “Terrorism – I’ll nip it in the bud!”