I think the silliest thing about the left-wing nutters is this “reality based” world they live; it’s sort of like a role playing game based on the real world and sit in their basements pretending their blog posting and internet petitions are saving America from being overtaken by fascism. “I’m a level five activist with an enchanted placard of influence!” Because these people are completely worthless and have nothing else in life, so politics can’t simply be about competing view points about how to get to the same end, they need to prop it up to being a struggle to save the world. It’s silly and inane, but it makes them feel important. Also, it makes me want to kick them in the balls and shout, “Loser!” for the sake of their education.
Of course, such self-inflation isn’t monopolized by liberal weenies. The Democrats have won an election which brings the inevitably brings out whiny fears from the right about the Dems destroying our country. Many on the right are sure their issue is under attack, and, as goes their pet issue, thus goes the fate of mankind. For instance, I don’t know how I got on these mailing lists, but everyday I get like fifty different e-mails about how President Bush is about to sell our sovereignty to Mexico with such over hyped urgency I just want to shout, “Bitch, be cool!”
Now, there are a lot of problems in the world today… but for reference, I should mention there were a lot of problems in the world yesterday. Plus, there will still be plenty tomorrow. The one thing I know about handling problems is that it helps to project strength, and you don’t project strength about getting bloody hysterical about every issue out there. Is running around like Chicken Little showing strength? No, he was voice by Zach Braff. Is Zach Braff manly? Not at all!
“But Frank!” you say (well, not you, my readers – one of those hysterical people I’m talking about), “There are real problems out there with illegal immigration and Muslims!” Yes, there are real problems out there that should be handled, but there’s a difference between recognizing a wasp can sting you and it will hurt and jumping up and down on a table and screaming because a wasp is in the room.
For instance, let’s look at two issues that conservatives tend to be concerned (or too concerned) about: illegal immigration and the spread of Muslim extremists (often in the same circle known simply as “Muslims”). With illegal immigration, we have an uncontrolled border in which Mexicans and sometimes terrorists slip through. The Mexicans harm the economy by taking jobs away from Americans. Many also don’t speak English and don’t emulate our culture.
But that’s it!
Sure, it’s plenty and a problem that must be addressed, but it’s not going to destroy the country. I mean, really, how do some of the alarmist think the Mexicans are going to take over the country? “If we don’t handle this problem RIGHT NOW then one day you’ll turn around and then there will be nothing but Mexicans and then they’ll… uh… and take their sombreros and…” And why is it that the main people I see going on and on about how illegal immigration is going to destroy our country not anyone who has a job that a Mexican can steal? I know there are some out there, but so many people so overly concerned with illegal immigration aren’t directly affected at all – which is a red flag when you’re looking for real concern versus puffed up invented concern. If you’re one of those people with a ranch near the border and want to join the Minutemen, more power to you. Everyone else, just chill. And those who think the government is secretly plotting to form a North American Union, please commit yourself to the nearest institution.
As for the Islamic extremists, there are plenty of them and they are plotting to kill us right now. Also plotting to kill you: the ant colony you accidentally stepped on. Yes, the Muslims are a greater threat, but they have about as much chance of taking over the world and imposing Sharia on everyone as the ants have of taking over the world and making us work in their underground sugar mines. Nitwits with bombs are very bad and we must make every effort we can to stop them, but as bad as things get, it’s still going to be a million times more likely you’ll die in a car crash than because of a Muslim.
“But they’re growing in number and their population will overtake Europe and…” Oh, shut up. Sure, extremists will gain ground in some areas, but the whole thing collapses when any of those idiots actually tries to hold power. You may think the most radical Muslims are immune from reality, but reality, which is very large and often very angry, is not scared of Islamists. Reality is plotting to crush them even as we speak.
A wise man once said, “If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.” To put it another way, stop freaking out thinking that every problem in the distance is about to run you over. Handle things for what they are, but don’t pretend every issue is some struggle to save the soul of the world. If you want to pretend to be important, go play “reality based” Dungeons & Dragons in a basement with some Kos Kid. Or, better yet, be a real conservative and face things for what they are instead of being a hysterical little girl. If you don’t, it could be the end of society as we know it.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam” and “Shades of Evil: America’s Growing Tree Threat”.
Another wise man (guy?), while referencing the “ten problems” aphorism, once said, “Don’t just do something. Stand there!”
You still aren’t getting his job.
What if you die in a car crash with a muslim?
//If you want to pretend to be important, go play “reality based” Dungeons & Dragons in a basement with some Kos Kid. //
Conservative gamers play Serenity.
I got two plot points pretending to be Jayne Cobb this weekend, so there!
To be fair, the Mexico problem isn’t that small. Illegal Mexican immigrants have killed several thousand US citizens since 9/11, and Islamic supremacists are well aware of, and are using the Mexican border to get into our country.
Of course, my solution to this would be to invade Mexico. It would of course be preceded by diplomatic niceties which I somehow doubt they’d bite.
Excellent advise once again, Frank! I’ve stopped watching the nitwits on nightly newscasts for just the reasons you state. They somehow think that I need to feel victimized by everyone and everything all the time and I’m not buying! Mexicans don’t scare me and Islamic pricks don’t come over here because they know they will get their asses kicked if they try so let them go ahead and keep blowing each other up! I just hope our guys can stay safe over there while these morons are doing their thing–
I feel better now.
I would submit that most of us Right-wing whiners are concerned about drawing a line about a given problem. We’re not trying to save the world, we’re attempting damage control. you feel your pet issue is more important than mine. great. We all rank these problems in different order of importance, and that is good.
‘cuz that means I can work on my problem (loads HK USP45) in the serene knowledge that you guys are taking care of the other problems (lots of Gun-loading in background)
Oh, and one more thing. Whining is fun, your right, and entertaining for the rest of us. Isn’t that how blogging got started?
Um….the whole “Mexican Problem” is a bit larger than how you describe it, Frank.
The large majority of those that cross our borders illegaly have other, more serious, crimes in their past. The amount of murders and sex crimes that come from illegal-imigrants is staggering.
As far as who it affects…well…it gets all of us, doesn’t it. Our taxes pay to support the systems illegals clog up. Our communities are made less safe because of these criminals.
So, yeah, while it might seem “compasionate” to say they are just here to work, and they don’t bother the majority of us, it is also incorrect.
This isn’t one of the problems that will “run into a ditch.” This problem is here now. We can either deal with it, or huddle in mom’s basement and play Multi-culti D&D to make ourselves feel better.
This was disappointing, Frank. It was entirely too reasonable and serious a replacement for the quality of Humor I expect to find here on Mondays.
However, I agree with every word, so it’s hard for me to get too worked up about my receiving a lack of humor this Monday.
You could make up for it by talking about Hugo Chavez. Can I get a head count of everyone who thinks that everything he does is extremely high-larious? Judging from the remarks he made this weekend, he must think that he matters even a tiny bit, as well. Which just makes it all that much funnier.
Yes, yes..I know this is sarcasm.. But if you tell everyone to sit back and not worry about anything (like we’ve been doing for YEARS re: Mexican Border) we end up …well, invaded. There, I said it!
And I might add; you don’t have to live on the border to get a first hand look at what ILLEGAL immigration is doing to this country.. Try living in California where our overcrowded schools are becoming more and more worthless to American children every day. What? Little Johnny can’t speak spanish? He must be a lil Nazi! Hmph!
I mean, really, how do some of the alarmist think the Mexicans are going to take over the country?
Just ask La Raza (The Hispanic KKK). They’ve publicly stated that they think the Southwest is really Mexican territory and they plan to take it back.
Sorry, Frank, I know this is sarchastic, but it just hits a sore spot. Nevada used to be a great state 10 years ago (mostly military and primarily conservitive). Now you can’t step into a grocery store, or for that matter, mayny places of business without feeling that you’ve entered a forgen country…and I know several businesses happening to be hireing ilegal…uhh…”undocumented workers” to drive down wages (and with “Affermitive Action”, don’t think any job is safe for much longer). I don’t know about Florida, but the vast majority of the country is under a full scale invasion, and like Nero, Bush is fiddeling while Rome (America) burns. A caller to a local talk show put it best; “I swear, Bush is so pro-Mexico, that if someone snuck up behind him and hit him in the back of the head with a stick, Pinata prizes would fall out his ass!”
Sorry for whining, and don’t ask me what I think of the “Mooselimb” problem.
Well, I really liked your editorial and couldn’t agree more.