We’re finally out of the auditions.
And — SPOILER ALERT FOR CSI: HORATIO — THAT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME EPISODE! Yes, we just finished it and are just now going to watch AI, but first, lemme gush. What an awesome ending, when Horatio nailed Clavo and Clavo totally looked surprised by it? Fantastic. I heart Horatio Caine! And Yay Yay Yay for Delko not being dead! But so so sad about him thinking Marisol is alive. When he asked Calleigh about Marisol. Oh. My heart. Oh, and how dumb is Boa Vista? When she saw the uncut diamond on the floor, I immediately said out loud, “Uncut diamond!” and Boa Vista said, “Piece of glass?” like you ever just see one solitary piece of glass laying on the floor like that. Like someone just dropped it on their way through to the recycle bin. I think I’ll lay this piece of glass here. ?? Ditz. And y’all don’t even start about David Caruso. He totally RAWKS!
Ahem. On to Idol.
Uhhh. Is that Katharine McPhee’s CD cover? Suh-LUTT! I’m not saying she is one, I’m just saying that’s what she looks like in that picture. Gen-you-wine bona fide slut.
Okay. Day 1 is the girls. They do a quick run-through of six girls, and some of them sound good, some bad, none awful, none great. They axe the whole first group. Bam. Wow, that’ll make everyone else take notice. I think the only one I was surprised to see leave so early is Jory Steinberg.
Next. I expect this Perla Meneses girl to leave quickly. As fast as the first row. Oh good grief. Please don’t put Salma Penelope Hayek Cruz through to the voting. Yikes, they kept her over more talented people. I mean really. Her over Jory Steinberg and that Rachel girl? And the other girls who can actually sing? This is a singing competition, Simon, not a gyrating competition. Simon warns her that she’s more style over talent or something, blah blah blah, and she’s crying, and you know what? Maybe one of those girls who got sent home will trade with you. Suck it up.
Baylie Brown, who my bff thinks looks exactly like my sister, sounds great. I’m glad she’s staying. She’s my pick for the final 12 girls.
Nicole and Nicole’s mom. Um, you didn’t make it. Leave. They look so pathetic when they beg. And even worse when they make their moms beg.
BTW, 24 blogging should return tomorrow. Should. I might do last night’s episode tomorrow.

Ok, on to the boys. Day 2.
Oh yes, I remember liking Brian Miller in his audition. I hope they keep him. He has nice pipes. But he should change his clothes. Jarrod Fowler too. I like him.
Matt Sato. I think he has some growing up to do before he can continue on. He cries all the time, and he’s very … I don’t know … chorus line? I just feel like he’s gonna bust out with spirit fingers any minute now.
I think the judges got that one backwards. They sent Jarrod home and kept Matt. And oh my word, Matt, go sing with the girls on group night, would you stop crying already?
Eeee! Group night! The stuff that makes your ears bleed! Get out your iodine, kids!
Oh, and the crygirl Matt can’t find a group. Well, maybe you should hook up with that other girl who’s over there crying. She needs someone to sing with. It’s almost too much to watch. This is where I can hear Cesar Millan talking about how dogs in nature kill the weakest members of the pack. A dog is sick or weak? They kill it. A contestant cries like a baby every time his mama hugs him? The other contestants kill it. Oh come on, I’m just kidding. If I was there, they’d feed me wheat.
There’s that nice cowboy Matt Buckstein who was in Jarrod the singing cowboy’s group last year. I’m glad he’s back this year. He was so gracious last year.
Huh. Perla’s group is frustrated with her, because she can’t harmonize.
And there’s DRAMA ALL AROUND! Especially with the girl groups. Because we’re just evil! EVIL, I SAY! Vicious little monsters.
BTW, it’s good they’re not in Vegas for Hollywood week, or many of these girls would go off and get hitched in the middle of the night just so they wouldn’t have to learn their lyrics. I’m sure of it.
Ok. Judgment time. I just don’t get it. They have an entire night to partition out and learn one song. And they only have to sing about what? Ninety seconds in each group? Not even a whole song. How can they not remember the words? It’s like cramming for a test, only you only have to cram for about a third of the test, because the professor decides about a third of the way through that you’ve done enough.
So of course, they start dropping like flies forgetting the words.
Matt Sato is one of them. What, no tears when you get kicked off?
Perla is the weakest link in her group, and she says in perfect English that it’s her job to prove them wrong. Dude, where’s your English when it matters? Anyway, when it matters, she screws up and sounds awful, and the rest of the group is great, and Salpeneloperla is out. Adios.
Chris Sligh’s group is great, they sound like ‘NSYNC! They have the beatboxer, and oh, I’ve missed ‘NSYNC! Yay! Claps all around from me.
Sundance’s group. Oh no. He is forgetting lyrics, jumping in early, the girls aren’t very good… they put him through to the next round anyway, and Simon tells Paula a couple of times that she was very generous with him. Sundance knows it and says he has to pull something together or else.
In Baylie Brown’s group, Antonella is the only one who remembers her words. Baylie remembers only two words. The other blonde chick, who isn’t memorable at all and will be gone within seconds if she even gets to the voting rounds, forgets some of her words too. The best friends make it through, and Baylie goes home. I’m really disappointed in her. Man, I wanted to see her in the top five. She has one of the best voices this season. Period. Then one of the BFFs (not Antonella) tries to say that it’s because God likes good people. That is one of the snobbiest and stupidest things I’ve ever heard. That is so RUDE! Whatever, you’ll be gone soon too. What then? God hates you then? Idiot. Ryan says her name is Amanda. Baylie says she worked so hard and didn’t flirt all night, and BFF Amanda says I didn’t flirt. We never flirt. Flashback to last night when Amanda was flirting at 3:30 a.m. and then Antonella and Baylie had to give up on Amanda and go to bed without their routine ready.
So they do the thing where they split them up into three rooms, and at this point, really I have no horses in the race. I’d like to see Antonella make it through, because I like her voice, and I think she has an insufferable BFF, and I know that if Antonella makes it through and Amanda doesn’t, then Amanda will go the rest of her life thinking, “Well if only I hadn’t asked Antonella to go down to that audition with me, I might have made it through to the next round instead of her.” Oh don’t beat yourself up, Amanda. If you hadn’t asked Antonella to go with you, you wouldn’t have made it to Hollywood, babe.
I’m happy to see Sundance and Chris through to the top 40. And Gina from a couple seasons ago and that Indian boy, but his sister didn’t get through. And Antonella made it, but not Amanda. Amanda is pretending to be happy for Antonella. Yes Amanda. Because God likes good people.