Last night, SarahK was watching the results show to Dancing with the Stars while I was painting the guest bathroom. During a commercial break, there was an ad for Good Morning America in which there would be an interview with Jim McGreevy’s wife with the teaser “Could your husband be gay?”
Oh, that’s trouble.
Think if women learn to wield that as a weapon:
WIFE: “Honey, want to go with me to the fabric store to help me pick out curtains?”
HUSBAND: “Why don’t you just shoot me in the face instead?”
WIFE: “According to a segment on Good Morning America, men who don’t want to go pick out curtains with their wives are really just afraid of exposing their homosexuality.”
HUSBAND: “What? Well, I just didn’t want to go because I… uh… hurt my knee doing manly things. But it’s better now! I’m going to go help you find curtains and then sex you up — heterosexual style!
How much do you want to bet Elizabeth Edwards is going to tune into that Good Morning America special? Anyway, might as well get the ball rolling…
INDICATIONS YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE GAY
* He watched Dancing with the Stars under his own volition.
* He cares whether you have curtains.
* You’re a man and you married in Vermont.
* He’s openly a Democrat (Mrs. McGreevy should have picked up on that one).
* He regularly has sex with men.
You know the drill; keep it going in the comments.
*He has doilies in his garage.
*His martini is pink.
*Next to Fred Thompson, every husband is gay.
*He has consumed tofu for a reason other than farting and trapping his wife under the sheets.
*Nevermind the above, tofu is gay enough.
*His name is Barney Frank.
*Frequent business trips to San Fransico.
He wears green tights and has fish telepathy.
There’s an NFL game on television but he willingly watches something else.
He can’t parallel park.
He drives a car with an automatic transmission.
He owns more shoes than you do.
He orders quiche in a restaurant that offers reasonable things (like pizza or steak) to eat.
You buy him a pink shirt and it isn’t severely damaged in an “accident” by the third time he wears it.
He willingly watches soccer (yes, including games in which your child plays).
would rather watch ice dancing than ice hockey.
likes to make flower arrangments.
pick’s out his wife’s clothing.
would rather vacation in provincetown with the “guys”.
He critiques anyone in the house about their sense of fashion
He owns a poodle
… and the poodle has pink bows in its ears
… and the poodle is male
He has his own bathroom
His bathroom has the largest mirror in the house
He shaves his legs
Two words – pink tutu
He owns a pair of figure skates
He wears Speedo swimsuits – at the YMCA
He secretly wants to be a Catholic priest
I don’t have anything to add; my husband is secretly a lesbian.
He owns a toy poodle.
He gets $400 haircuts and primps it using a compact mirror.
His name is Harry Reid.
He hangs out at bars with such names as “The Manhole”
OzzyC beat me out on the poodle one…and his was much better.
Where are SarahK’s comments on A.I? I look forward to them every week – where are they???????
Ann Coulter can spot him as one from a mile away.
Your husband watches The View
Your husband’s favorite bar in Minneapolis is the Gay 90’s
Your husband buys “tools” that aren’t from the hardware store
Your husband is a Green Bay “Packers” fan
Your husband changes his name to Ben Dover
Your husband’s has “smoke the pickle” night with his friends every week
“Your husband is a Green Bay “Packers” fan”
You, Sir, are my hero. =P
He needs Rudy to fight Squeegiemen for him!!
Your husband pays for $400 hair cuts and days at spas getting manicures.
appoints his “friend” as director of NJ Dept. of Homeland Security
NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE WITH THE PACKERS!
They are the Green Bay Packers, and they were named after MEAT packers, not fudge packers. You cannot get more manly that cutting up beef cattle for dinner! Well maybe Elk or Deer, but beef would be a close third. If you want to pick on an NFL team why not the Minnesota Viqueens? Their color is purple. Or the Panthers–teal? TEAL? Come on, teal is not a manly color!
He believes global warming is a man-made phenomenon.
He thinks guns are “Icky”.
He doesn’t agree that “Nuke the Moon” is a realistic plan for world peace.
He voted for John Kerry.
Back for more here:
He’s a regular poster at the Daily Kos.
He has a subscription to the New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Newsweek, or Time.
He has a comprehensive collection of recordings by Rage Against the Machine.
R-i-g-h-t! Meat Packers! Whatever stories they told you about your team when you were young to get your support–we here in Minneapolis know all about the “packers” and their fans across the border–just think Deliverance without the intelligence, sophistication and good manners–
“Your husband pays for $400 hair cuts”
It really begins and ends with this one
If you even have to worry you might be gay, it means your gay!
..Can eat a whole banana in one bite.
..Drops the soap a lot at the YMCA.
..Asks his buddies at the bar if he can,
“push up their stool”.
..Farts without making a sound.
he likes to :
fold paper bags flat
make green jello
brings home bar napkins with phone numbers and names like: Pierce McCavity and Phillip McCrevase.
Is unable to kill a monkey so he has to have his wife do it for him.
Drinks Appletinis
Thinks Mary Katherine Ham is “meh, okay looking I guess”.
Always wants to be the little spoon.
Macrames himself a pair of jean shorts. *Thanks “40-Year Old Virgin” :o)
Watches Mens’ Gymnastics.
FlankJ getting razy; make leadels do wolk fol him. say: “hele some funny, now you make lest”
SalahK punish him good fol being razy; make him paint guestloom.
You get a dry cleaner bill in the mail for 1 pair of assless chaps
OK, I risk getting banned for this but it’s too good to pass up:
Your husband might be gay if…
his d*** tastes like s***!
Wait… you’d rather look at Chris Chelios than Tanith Belbin? Sounds like YOU’RE the gay one. And I think you sound just a little too Canadian, you hoser…
Wait… you’d rather look at Chris Chelios than Tanith Belbin? Sounds like YOU’RE the gay one. And I think you sound just a little too Canadian, you hoser…
Your favorite pair of underwear was a gift from your Mom with pictures of comic book characters on them. [this one will never go away]
You have a favorite pair of underwear.
You cat blog
You take pictures of your foot pretending it is capable of independent thought and action
Pistole…LMAO!!!
…his favorite musicians are STILL Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Erasure, Queen, and Cher.
…he cried during the final episode of ‘Friends’ & could tell everything you never wanted to know about ‘Will & Grace’.
…has season passes to the local civic light opera association.
…has more expensive jewelry than you do. And hair care products.
…thinks that football is a barbaric sport, yet thinks speedwalking is a viable sport.
…pledges money to PBS.
…excuses himself to the other room to pass gas.
…blushes any time someone mentions ‘Wienerschitzel’.
…accidentally referred that knothole in the backyard fence as a “gloryhole”.
…mistakenly thought that Mitt Romney was a character in a certain film he watched at his buddy Bruce’s house.
…prefers ribbed condoms; traction in the mud & all…
OK, so that was nasty. Sorry!
…has never owned a Playboy, not even for the articles.
…accidentally called you ‘Sir’ during intercourse.
…thinks Margret Cho is really funny.
…has ever, or currently does, owned a Lhasa Apso, Pekingese, or Toy Terrier on purpose. And had it groomed at least once month.
…is repulsed at the idea of changing the oil.
…knows all the words to ‘My Fair Lady’, ‘Oklahoma’, ‘Cats’, etc.
Refers to the area between your shoulder blades as cleavage
… is an Ohio State fan
… doesn’t like BBQ, instead opting out of the pulled pork sandwich with cheddar cheese, bacon and sausage for a ‘dash through the salad bar’
… likes Hillary Clinton, despite what everybody says about her
*He hosts a television show called “hardball”
*He pees sitting down
*Grabs his crotch and bellows “Eat me”
*His two bestus buds down at the local Irish pub are named “Patrick Fitzgerald” & “Gerald Fitzpatrick”
*Uses the screenname “Phil McCracken”
You wrote, produced or “acted” in an Ovaltine radio spot.
…his ankles have bruises on them roughly the same size as his own hands.
…you find mysterious bite marks on the headboard when you return from a trip to the beauty parlor.
Hello, track lighting!
The Packers win most of the Super Bowls they go to. Vikings have never gotten close!
Hey, I have track lighting! Well, in the laundry room, where my wife (whom I’ve slept with) does the laundry while I shoot off guns and drink case after case of Budweiser. Not in the laundry room, outside, so I can see the neighbor’s cat jump.
Your husband might be gay if:
– The cat is his
– His friends fight over his Yanni CD
– Mustache.
– Volvo.
– Subaru
– Thinks Scooter Libby outed Valerie P. Wilson.
He thinks everything Rosie say’s is nifty.
he can crochete better than your grandmother!
he can crochete better than your grandmother!
Hmmm, for some reason I thought of Ian Johnson of Boise State, you know, the guy who proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend after winning the Fiesta Bowl? He crochets.
One of the manliest men I know who went through Vietnam likes to cross-stitch. He says it’s soothing. I’d be very afraid if I saw somebody accuse him of being gay.
He married you for your money and he spends time in tanning booths where he sometimes turns a lucious shade of orange.
He is the current leader of the democratic party in the Senate and makes Nancy Pelosi look tough.
He worked for Tip O’Neil and hosts his own TV show called “hardball” and you know he’s never been within 1 mile of a baseball.
His favorite memory as a football player for the Golden Gophers was the pink visitor locker rooms in Iowa City.
He played for the Golden Gophers!
I don’t have anything to add; my husband is secretly a lesbian.
Posted by: Wacky Hermit on May 2, 2007 02:30 PM
Arrrrgh you took my post! I’m guessing we’re the lucky girls on the block.
I think you can tell he’s gay when all his RPG characters are elf women with a comliness of 18.
I would think that even being involved in an RPG past college age would be a big indicator of itself?
He is constantly going on about how manly he is and swears he’ll scratch the next bitch that says differently!
He uses powdered soap at the gym (takes longer to pick up).
He cross-desses for Holloween…and Veterans Day…and Thanksgiving…and New Year’s…and Valentine’s Day…and MardiGras…and St. Patrick’s Day…and Cinco de Mayo…and the 4th of July…and Yom Kippur…and his birthday…and sometimes just to feel pretty.
10) He wears pink dress shirts while driving a 2007 VW Beetle convertible. Says the Mini S is too much car for him to handle
9) In college he wore pink polo shirts and drove a 1982 VW Cabriolet. A V8 powered Chevrolet Vega was too much car for him to handle.
8) He covets his best friend who dives a Audi A4
7) Chevrolet Cameros scare him
6) Ford Mustangs with anything bigger than a V6 scare him and contribute to global warming.
5) He thinks a Lexus LS450 is a real 4×4 truck. Even if the back end looks like Rosanne Bar in spandex
4) Dodge Cummings diesel Heavy Duty 4×4 with an extended bed or Ford F350 4×4 with lift kit and Power Stroke diesel engine and a gun rack in the back window a USMC and NRA stickers makes him run inside. Power Stroke does make him blush a bit.
2) The only “Vette” he would ever drive is a Chevette.
3) The only tool set he owns came from the the “hardware” section at the supermarket.
1) The word “Hemi” starts him ranting about Global Warming, No war for oil, ANWR, polar bears, baby seals, Cheryl Crowe and the Dixie Chicks
Hey wait a minute Socrates on the Subaru… I own a WRX STI version with a crumpled right rear fender from a missed turn at 95 MPH on a snow covered gravel logging road. –Off Road Rally Racers Do It Where Sierra Clubbers Only Hike.
His penis tastes funny.
I would think that even being involved in an RPG past college age would be a big indicator of itself?
Posted by: FormerHostage on May 3, 2007 09:51 AM
Sorry FH, but I ain’t gonna tell the Army Ranger that I game with, who served in Honduras, he’s gay because he plays RPG’s
Now the guy who plays the female captain of our current Firefly crew with a penchant for strawberries…HE might be gay.
He weasels out of going shopping with you to watch sports and you come home to find him putting away the Moulan Rouge DVD.
Shimauma,
Firefly is NOT an RPG! It’s an alternate history!
“* he thinks Democratic women are prettier than Republican women”
Everybody knows republican women are way better looking!
He never misses watching a gay pride parade… or worse marching in one.
//Shimauma,
Firefly is NOT an RPG! It’s an alternate history!
Posted by: FormerHostage on May 3, 2007 07:37 PM//
Hey! don’t get all tetchy there, pard, yer startin’ to sound gay….
…all paranoid and crotchety….
Funniest thread, ever.
Here I am pretending to work, but I can’t… stop… laughing! You guys are going to get me fired.
Owns all records ever made by Streisand and Cher.
Keeps wishing for the return of disco.
Hey, what straight man would rather look at a barbarian – or male elf – than the hot female ones?
Oh, wait, you’re probably talking about those other ones, with paper, and books, and…dice…
Yah, that would totally be gay.
What if it’s the Firefly RPG? I wanted to get the book because of all the background to the universe and such…but that’s a $40+ book right there…not that interested.
//What if it’s the Firefly RPG? I wanted to get the book because of all the background to the universe and such…but that’s a $40+ book right there…not that interested. //
If you’re an RPG-er the second edition is best because it has a freaking index, which the first print did not, those purplebelly bastids ripped me off…any in stick with the topic of the thread…Jayne Cobb is most definitely NOT gay…