When it comes down to it, the main reason people come to IMAO is for guidance. That’s why our endorsements are so critical. Many credit our endorsement of George W. Bush in 2004 of winning him that election when polls had him losing just days before. Other’s credit our conspiring with Diebold for rendering those polls moot. Unfortunately, the voting machines this year have a programming glitch causing them to register a vote for whomever the user selects instead of the predetermined winner, so it’s back to the old fashioned tactic of trying to influence people.
That said, IMAO endorses…
Barack Obama.
Barack Obama rose quite unspectacularly through the ranks of the Chicago political machine, starting out at as a community organizer with no notable accomplishment before becoming a state legislature with no notable accomplishments and then finally becoming a U.S. Senator with no notable accomplishments. He is now the Democrat’s nominee for president for some reason. Obama has run the usual right-of-center-left Democrat national campaign, promising tax cuts and claiming he won’t take our guns, though everyone knows he wants to lock us down in a fascist, socialist regime if he just had the votes in Congress. And with what polls are telling us about the Congressional races, he just might.
But this is all beside the point. The reason IMAO is endorsing Barack Obama is that we’ve determined he’s best on the issue that matter to IMAO most: Traffic.
Let’s look at the facts: IMAO has been around for over six years, all of them under a Republican president and most under a Republican majority in Congress. The problem is, we’re a right-wing humor site, and political humor works best when its about those in charge. If McCain is elected president, then he’s going to work hard to keep the country safe and free while being savaged by the press and then we’ll feel the need to defend him… and I’m just burnt out in that area. I’m out of new humor aimed at the press and Congressional Democrats being unreasonable to the president. For a while, I’ve just been treading water until we got into the midst of the general election and finally had a Democrat dominate the news cycle.
A humor target dominate the news cycle, that is.
Think of it: If Obama wins and the Democrats have huge majorities in both the House and the Senate, they’re going to do all they can to ruin this country. People are going to be pissed. They’re going to want to vent that anger, so where will they go? To a right-wing political blog making fun of those Democrats, that’s where. And maybe they’ll click on a few GoogleAds while they’re here too.
I mean, we’re talking doubling my traffic in the least, but if there is a full blown Democrat-run depression, I could finally get up to Instapundit levels. And people will have so much hatred for the Democrats I won’t even have to try that hard to make humor against them. I can just write a post saying, “Stupid monkey-faced liberals!” and it will get tens of thousands of views and everyone will praise me for perfectly stating what they’re thinking.
Now, some may ask if I’m at all concerned that Obama hangs out with terrorists, racists, Communists, and America-haters, and I’ll answer that with what I’ve been saying for a while: It’s not fair to attack a candidate’s wife. Yes, Obama doesn’t like the country very much — same as about any other liberal — but the point is I’m expecting him to screw up the country as that will give people things to be angry about and me to ridicule. So when you get to the voting booth, what I’m asking you to do is to stop thinking about your country for once and instead think about the blogs you read. They may not admit it, but every right-leaning blog will benefit from an Obama presidency (while sites like the Daily Kos will probably fade away as they’ll no longer be sure what to do with their impotent rage).
So that is why IMAO endorses Barack Obama, the best candidate for right-wing humor.
Excellent work comrade! The check is in the mail as you Amerikans say, and to be making your life easier once ‘The One’ is elected you will to be sure to be having a State Approved comedy writer on staff so that you won’t be saying something “unfortunate”.
Good Day Comrade!
Except you’ll be in jail for committing hate-think.
Did you just sell your soul for traffic?
You know Frank, I think you have hit the nail on the head with this one because, I was thinking the same thing the other day. If McCain wins, what’s the humor in that, but if the Messiah wins, literally all hell will break loose. We can sit back and make fun of “That One” at least until they come for us, so keep your humor and your guns by your side at all times!!!
He’s voting for Obama – he doesn’t have a soul.
You do realize that one of the first things they will do is try to stop bloggers like yourself… right…
One can’t be sure, but this post may be intended ironically.
Sean, please note that this is sarcasm mixed with truth, not desperate realization. Your comment kills the joke.
Frank, it might be hard to blog or have any readers once God-King Obamuhhh puts all of us heretics in camps.
Frank, you ignorant slut! Haven’t you heard that Obama plans to distribute the wealth? This applies to web traffic as well. He’ll just your web traffic and give it to some undeserving, uncreative blogger who, through no apparent fault of his own, just can’t generate enough hits to feed his family. Any site that gets over 5000 hits a day will have to give at least 50% of those hits to Senator Government.
Let’s not forget the treasure trove of Bidenisms that are forthcoming.
Is this but another shot in the dark at the illuminati of our community?
the new socialist paradise, or ‘hood’ as it is now called, will require more crack for crackheads, and a token honky arrest on a trumped up charge to entertain the masses, now called ‘boyz.’
You know, an Obama presidency wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Not for me, at least. As someone who has taken every advantage The Bush presidency has offered to people who want the opportunity to become successful (as opposed to people who measure success by how much of other people money they’ve demanded and got) I’m now on the ladder to long-term success. In fact while everyone else is moaning about now much money they’ve lost, I’m investing in cheap stocks and putting myself in a position to buy a home. Obama’s socialist programs will likely slow down the economy, perhaps put us into a mild depression since redistributing wealth is the easiest way to keep new wealth from being created. Why is this good? Well, it’s really not. Not for the nation as a whole, but for me personally it’s exactly what I need. I’ve worked VERY hard over the last few years. No vacations. Investing in training to improve my skillset instead of running up my credit card or buying overpriced property. Obama’s presidency will postpone the economic recovery. It will give me a chance to relax for a bit. Take some time off. Not work so hard. I won’t HAVE to buy a house in the first quarter of next year because I don’t have to worry about housing prices going back up right away. I don’t have to invest all my money in the stock market because I’ll still be able to get a good deal later.
Basically, a socialist in the White House will keep the next rung on the ladder to success within reach longer and make it easier to climb. I’m pretty sure that my income isn’t going to rise above $250k in the next 4 years so I’m not that worried. Maybe my taxes will go up a bit, but who knows…maybe I won’t have to pay for health care. I’m young and healthy so as far as I’m concerned, that’s just money wasted anyway.
I need a break. A bit of time to relax…and as long as it’s mostly on someone else’s dime, why the hell not? However, in 4 years when I’m well rested, living in a property that I bought WAY below market value at a foreclosure sale, and well positioned in undervalued stocks, can we please get Newt Gingrich and Sara Palin elected?
Remember, in depressions, it is usually unskilled, uneducated people that take most of the lumps. People with educations and specialized skillsets made out like bandits.
I’m with you, we need Obama in the White House to provide something worth making fun of.
The fact Barry will heal the world and usher in a new age of peace and prosperity is just the icing on the cake.
Not Ron Paul? I’m shocked! 😀
Dang, I thought it’d be Cymphia McKinney. Now there’s a treasure trove of comedy.
I don’t understand how any thinking person could vote for a socialist, but thanks blarg (seriously), for helping me see that maybe That One winning wouldn’t be as bad as I think it would.
Might be nice to slack off for 4 years (?), as well as take our turn b*tching and moaning and mocking of the Demoncrat-controlled government — could be kinda fun. Maybe I’ll even quit my job, go on welfare, and go back to school to train for that dream job that pays less than what I make now.
I still think that Obama winning would be the end of America as the Founders intended, but oh well, 232 years was a pretty good run.
My mantra: God is still in control no matter who wins…God is still in control no matter who wins…God is still in control…
Also it will be fun to see shows like SNL, The Daily Show and others tie themselves in knots trying to keep their ratings up. If they dont make fun of the current administation, the shows will be a crashing bore and ratings will crash. Of course that may drive more people to you to quench their need for satire. I mean what will they do when BO meets with Ahmedinejad? Do a skit how nicely they were both dressed?
I was excited before I jumped to the full story. I was hoping it might be Opus, Bill the Cat or, just maybe, Snoopy. There’s always 2012!! Ack.
McCain presents a veritable treasure trove of mockable material with sexy Sarah thrown in for added spice.
I beseech both you and Colin Powell to reconsider your poorly though-out endorsements which you may never be able to live down.
BTW If the coming of the tempter to power means the end of days, then the internet & the economy will be the least of our troubles.
Time to prepare. Doesn’t matter how the election turns out, there are dangerous days ahead. Buy guns now. Build bunkers. Repent. Pray.
FRED THOMPSON.
Enough said.
After reading this, I am feeling better about the coming Obama presidency. I can’t wait for him to tax your traffic, and give some to me, a less fortunate blogger. I think when we spread the traffic around, it’s good for everybody.
Yeah, I’m in need of a root canal…ya think I can hold out until Pres Obama is in office? Or maybe there a nice Socialist (I know, oxymoron) out there that would like to share their wealth and pay for my dental bill??
I am still a little concerned. Does anyone know what the menu will look like in the re-education camps? Will they have pork chops? I really like pork chops.
Muslims are outraged!!!
Best endorsement EVER! The humor number from 1 – 10 will be a 20 as Barry seeks his way through a real job for the first time in his life! Plus think of all the really really ugly women that will once again be back in power! It just doesn’t get any richer than this if you are a humor writer…like FrankJ or if one is a FrankJ wannabe like the humble commentors on this blog! We shall all grow from the experience…until shipped to Camp Barry where we shall be turned into Collective Queers to “Nance” during Barry’s next big World Wide Event. Jimmy, will look especially fetching in the “butt-boy” costume already being tailored for the event…
If Obama truly walks the walk, shouldn’t he spread his vast campaign fund among the less fortunate candidates? Poor old Bob Barr and Ron Paul. Heck what about McCain! Why is it that he’s not as generous with his own money as he is with other people’s?
I am reasonably sure that Obama is an anti-Christ and he may just usher in the 2nd Coming. Seeing as how I’m not too find of the human race at the moment, out and out destruction and annihilation sound pretty good to me. I know that what comes after will be worth it. Since Demoncrats don’t believe in an afterlife I’m pretty sure they won’t be included.
Sounds like a win-win to me.
Went to church: Check
Got straight with God: Check
Bible: Check
Homebrew: Gallons
Shotgun: Loaded
Firewood: Next week
Voted: Pending
IMAO: Online
Phonebill: Paid
Yep, I’m ready!
If not the anti-Christ, a Trojan horse of sorts. What amazes me is how many believers are deceived by him.
I had to listen to my kids’ doctor rant about Sarah Palin today. I almost blew a gasket (but restrained myself until he took the needle out of my child’s arm). What’s infuriating is that he’s been our pediatrician for 9 years. He KNOWS we’re conservative, yet he went on and on anyway. I was so…..so…..SIGH. I don’t know what I am anymore. I think we need to pack up our kids, our guns, our Bibles and leave CA. Alaska sounds good. I don’t know. I’m fasting and praying and repeating NUNYAB’s mantra over and over. I guess we’ll see what happens Nov. 4th. I just know I’d rather have nothing to laugh at than Bomama in the white house (sorry Frank).
I’ll have you know, #26, that Jimmy is in Tennessee right now but is soon flying up to Minneapoloser to kick your a$$! I’m bringing Rosie and Nancie as body guards. If you’ve got a box of butt covers, get ’em out and keep ’em handy.
what? i know you’re kidding. i have calculated your intelligence level and have made the assumption that you ARE smarter than a 5th grader. now tell us you all you were just kidding…for GOD’S SAKE FRANK TELL US YOU ARE KIDDING!!!! C’MON MAN…YOU ARE KILLIN US… tee hee.
Prepare for the Barackalypse!