You ever worry about dinosaurs? I know we’re supposed to be worrying about the economy and socialism right now, but I worry about dinosaurs. Dinosaurs ruled the earth for 160 million years — far far longer than humans have been around — and then suddenly disappeared 65 million years ago. But no one rules that long and suddenly just disappears. I don’t buy it.
I mean, how do we know they died out? The only reasons scientists believe that is because they haven’t seen one alive… but that’s not scientific evidence. Some scientists say they became the birds, but if you were a t-rex, would you be happy being a sparrow? And how do we know a t-rex couldn’t already sing pretty? I just know dinosaurs are out there and plotting something against their arch-nemeses — that mammals!
You know that dinosaurs were probably dismissive at first of mammals. “Look at those ridiculous little things with their stupid fur. And how can they possibly eat enough to keep up with their metabolism. They’re wasteful and absurd.” But then they realized the mammals were hard to kill because they’re wily. After a while, dinosaurs finally began to fear that mammals would take over and there would be a reckoning. So the dinosaurs went into hiding and patiently began plotting.
So what are they plotting? What is one thing all mammals have?
No, not the four-chambered heart. Something else.
That’s right! Hair! All mammals have hair. So this is what I’m guessing the dinosaurs are working on: It’s like an EMP blast, but it disables all combs. That’s right, the dinosaurs are going to take away our combs and leave us no way to control are unruly hair. Then the dinosaurs will emerge from their hiding places and point and laugh at our stupid hair. If aliens land and wonder who is in charge, do you think they’ll believe it’s the mammals with their mangy hair or the giant dinosaurs laughing at us? We’ll have effectively lost the planet.
Someone better ask Obama whether he has a plan for dealing with the dinosaurs. I bet he doesn’t because he’s stupid.
Or maybe he is one!
Umm…one flaw that the Dino’s have obviously over looked! Male Pattern Baldness! Bwaaaaaa! Stupid Dinosaurs! Or…being wily, we will just have to shave all our hair off! Ewww…I just pictured Hillary with no hair…sorry that’s no longer an option. We will just have to fight! Better an honorable death that to see a bald Hillary!
Our battle cry will be “TO A WORLD WITH NO BALD HILARY!” and our fellow gun-toting Americans will reply with animalistic cries and screams as we charge the dinos…
I think the dinosaurs evolved into those nasty little Irish Leprechauns that pop out of the woods and confront you when you least expect it. They be after thy gold, they be.
In the last century, they morphed into Democrats and became the majority.
But in ancient times, the great Greek warrior, Demo-Socrates, tried to defeat them all but failed and was forced to drink hemlock when he refused to disclose the location of all his gold to the little buggers.
That’s what I be thinkin’, I be. Plus, I like potatoes.
Re- But no one rules that long and suddenly just disappears.
What about Ted Kennedy? Or Orrin Hatch?
—————————
Re- If aliens land and wonder who is in charge, —
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge? — Jerry Seinfeld
Obamasaurus Rex. Hmmm … it all makes sense now.
Frank, as a mammal, I wan’t to thank you for bring this conspiracy to my attention. Too long have we stood by and let the ice ages do our extinctions for us. Its time we confronted our weakness and resolve the dinosaur threat. We have a secret weapon though, whales. Yes the giant creatures of the sea lying in wait to re-evolve feet so that they can swoop up onto land and extinguish the dinosaur once and for all.While the dinosaurs are trying to accomplish flippers(as witnessed by your presidents children) The whales will be victorious, because they don’t have hair.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. This is why you need a large assortment of automatic weapons. You need a Barret Light .50 for dealing with a T-Rex, a AR-15 for handling triceratops, and a good 12 gauge, loaded with slugs for taking out a raptor. Of course you will also need an assortment of concealed carry pistols for shooting those little knee biter things, and maybe a fully automatic AK for shooting down pterodactyls. See you gun grabbing liberals, there are legitimate uses for all of these tools.
But #7, what takes out the Sleestak? Holly or Will? (see post title)
Drop everything and immediately read _Anonymous Rex_, by Eric Garcia:
http://tinyurl.com/d66w4f
You never see RuPaul and Obama in the same location. Coincidence or not you be the judge.
Ever looked close at Nancy Pelosi? She might not be purebred Sleestak, but she’s definitely got some in her lineage. Barry’s plan for dealing with dinosaurs is direct diplomacy without preconditions, while Nancy enters the obelisk thingy and rearranges the magic rocks until they get the happy ending they want.
__________
Flying low in an A-10 shooting the bloody @#$% out of dinosaurs would be the the coolest thing imaginable. Seriously.
You know, now that you’re bringing this concern to our attention, I should point out that Obama VOLUNTARILY keeps his hair very short. Perhaps the dinosaurs need a human Quisling once they spring into action.
I could not agree more Barack Obama is STUPID The only ones dumber are the ignorant sons-a-bitches that put him in the white house.
Ha! And Biden got hair plugs! What a nitwit!
of course those stupid dinosaur’s didn’t plan on Fred Thompson* being immune to their comb weapons.
* just heard that he is going to be taking over o’reilly’s slot on westwood one, yeah!!
You never see RuPaul and Obama in the same location. Coincidence or not you be the judge.
You mean Barack or Michelle? You must mean Barack, since RuPaul only dresses up like women.
#10:
“You never see RuPaul and Obama in the same location. Coincidence or not you be the judge.”
I think RuPaul is just what happens when Michelle and Barack voltron together to form a massively tall superliberal superpansy. That and Sasha.
It’s a running joke with my friend that she’d afraid of Velociraptors, so when I saw a $500 velociraptor archery target at Gander Mountian, well – let’s just say I miss having money to blow, or that puppy would have been on her back porch one morning when she lets her dog out.
Apparently there is a Land of the Lost movie coming out in June with Will Farrell – a campy parody of a really bad series that we still loved as six-year-old kids because, well, at that age you appreciate any adult who plays as much with plastic dinosaurs in a week as you do.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1748539136/tt0457400
Is it just me, or is that hair add really ironic?
Frank, you liar! I have contingency plans for surrendering to the dinosaurs, just as I have plans for surrendering to Iran, Syria, North Korea, China, Canada, 56 of the 57 states (I will NEVER surrender to East Minnefornia!), etc.
Frank, you forgot the best mammal trait of all: mammary glands!
They make excellent diversions. Just send a few girls with impressive racks out there. They’ll draw the dinosaurs out of hiding, and ninjas can do the rest.
A large group of sleestaks can be mowed down very easily, by the simple application of canister. Am I the only IMAO reader who keeps a loaded 75mm gun parked in his back yard at all times, in case of this scenerio? If so, then I need to find another websight for real conservatives. It is your 2nd amendment, use it.