The idea of the Democrats in power now seems to be to as erode as much rights as possible and get more control in the hands of the government. Unfortunately, it’s really hard to roll that back, but another strategy would be to just have fun with it. See, the Republicans should regain majorities again, so maybe we should just abuse this new found power. Like, Democrats are going to force people to buy health insurance, and if that somehow passes the Supreme Court, let’s think of all the things we can force liberals to buy when we’re back in control:
THINGS TO FORCE LIBERALS TO BUY
* Bibles
* Guns
* Soap
* Country music
* Glenn Beck’s latest book
* An angry badger
* Framed photo of Ronald Reagan
Afterward, maybe liberals will be like, “Hey, maybe giving the government so much power was a bad idea.” Too late!
If we are going to force people to buy angry badgers lets at least have more fun than that. We should make liberals stick the badger down their pants. That could be awesome.
* A gun, a single bullet and some suicide-themed stationery
* Rosie O’Donnell’s groceries
* A copy of the video showing racial slurs being used at John Lewis. Failure to purchase this video will result in imprisonment in Gulag. Or New Jersey.
I’m not comfortable in having them buy guns for themselves… Think about it… Do we really want to arm the Koskids? Now instead, if we create a tax where the liberals have to arm the conservative needy….
House Sparrows. Just trust me on this.
Every Carbon Credit or Hybrid Car purchase should include shares of Wal-Mart, Exxon-Mobile and Halliburton (KBR).
Um, can we maybe leave weaponry off the list of things to force liberals to buy? Imagine environmentalists packing these: http://www.teamglock.com/Glock-Buyers-Guide/Glock-27.htm
* Chinese finger traps.
* Buckets. Wearing them is mandatory, too.
* Mouth cotton. STFU Democrats.
* Diapers. ‘Cause when you see what we’re gonna do to you in November, 2010, you’re gonna need ’em !!.
Accident Insurance… “you’se need to buy a little insurance or you just might have some kinda accident”
– a haircut
– make a personal charitable contribution
– non-sandal shoes
*Since we are now going to fund abortions with our tax money, we should force liberals to fund Christian churches and abstinence education.
*No more free condoms at school. Instead, liberals have to fund every private school that outperforms a public school.
*In fact, no more public schools at all, only military schools!
*Not that it needs it, but match the funding that NPR gets and give it to conservative talk radio.
*And where are the conservative PBS channels on public airwaves?(I know we have Fox News, but that’s cable). I want the Count on Sesame Street to count the dollars Obama has added to the deficit. That episode would never end! “Today’s show was brought to you by the letters S, O, and S and the number 14 trillion!”
*Make them fund a John Stossel or Ben Stein documentary and the SAG members must give them all the Oscars!
*We can make the liberals buy guns, but they can only buy blank ammo(Because liberals are all loud talk and no actual impact).
*Subsidies for four-wheel-drive!
*Liberals must hunt for their own food! That’s a good way to thin the herd!
*WAAAARRRRR!
@Crusty: Didja ever notice that O’Donnell has a very small mouth? It is an anomaly. Despite its size, it emits more than its fair share of noise and consumes more than its share of food.
Must buy Rush Limbaugh 24/7 subscription or face fine.
Make ’em buy and read:
Atlas Shrugged, or anything else by Ayn Rand. Watch their little heads explode.
The Reagan biography.
The Chronicles of Dubya.
Make ’em get National Liberal Insurance. The liberals have to maj=ke up any losses we get form their dumba@@ policies.
– Bibles
– Cadillac Escalades
– Working vacations in the Peoples’ Paradises of Cuba and Venezuela
– Bumper stickers: “The three that made America great: God, Guts & Guns”
And…
We would make them buy a clue.
Pickup trucks.
Red meat.
Cowboy hats.
Guns.
Forcing them to buy guns is controversial, but I think it’s a good idea. Remember, liberals should be seen as “future conservatives”. The point is not to destroy them, but to accelerate their maturity into respectable conservatives. Teaching them to use guns (and then releasing angry wolves and bears into their neighborhoods) should help them become adults.
* Soap
Score!
* They must all buy pants which are not on the ground.
A Brain
A Heart
Some Courage
It worked for the Wizard a few years back to transform a coupla liberal idjits…
A sense of humor
A book with a clear definition of hypocrisy, since they commit it daily but deny it more often
Ted Nugent cds
Tickets to see the O’reily/Beck speaking tour
The Wizard of Uhhs (O-bah-muhh without a teleprompter)said “We need courage.”, before the HealthCare bill was foisted upon us.
IMAO T-shirts from the IMAO t-shirt babe.
‘Going Rogue’ by Sarah Palin
any book by Ann Coulter
‘Culture of Corruption’ by Michelle Malkin
Calenders from the Claire Boothe Luce Policy Institute
One Way Tickets to the dictatorship, or Islamic Regime of their choice
Brilliant!!!
You might force them to watch Patton with one of those Alex Delarge rigs. That could be fun.
Actually should turn Patton into a 3-D movie and make liberals watch it. (it can’t be a remake tho. Just take the original and make it 3-D)
“Um, can we maybe leave weaponry off the list of things to force liberals to buy?”
No worries. Just tell them bullets emit carbon dioxide and they’ll be too terrified to even touch a gun.
“Glenn Beck’s latest book”
Amend that to ‘Thomas Sowell’ and you have yourself a deal. As a bonus, his blackness might fool liberals into reading enough of it for them to actually learn something about reality.
I would have suggested Walter Williams instead, but he wouldn’t fool them since in every single photograph of him there is he’s kicking a Communist in the nuts.
Whatever we force them to buy, just be sure to add an amendment stating that those things must be bought from an online retailer in another state. Then if some liberal challenges the law in court, we can just say “commerce clause,” and the SC Justices will whimper like scalded dogs.
Noogies, wedgies, dutch rubs, swirlies, indian rope burns and wet willies.
If they don’t buy them, shove them into a locker!
Awesome thread and responses. Adding to it:
* EVERYONE who voted for Obama must purchase a mandatory one-way ticket for themselves to Anywhere But America; purchase it or go to jail
* A chicken in every patriot pot, and a friggin unicorn already in every patriot garage
* An apology in the form of shoe-licking to George W Bush, Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck
* All taxpaying patriots will be issued a monthly dividend check, in perpetuity, from the banking, automobile, and healthcare industries that we now own. George Soros’ and Hollywood’s fortunes will be used to pay the postage
* A copy of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.
* Not just guns, but at least one working “assault weapon” with 30-round magazine, bayonet lug and a hundred rounds of ammo.
* An American flag (at least 3 x 5 ft).
* A copy (for those 18 and over) of “Who’s Nailin’ Palin” on DVD by Hustler.
* Anything with Reagan’s picture on it in a non-mocking context.
* A yellow ribbon (displayed appropriately) to support the troops.
Wouldn’t force them to buy anything. Would put a gun to their heads and make them pray for their souls at church. Something they have lost a long time ago.
Troll Alert at 28: Anonymous says: * A copy (for those 18 and over) of “Who’s Nailin’ Palin” on DVD by Hustler.
Besides the standard Redneck bumperstickers and SUV’s to put them on, I suggest we require them to sponsor a nuclear weapon. We can then stencil their names on the side and send them a certificate “John Doe is a proud sponsor of ICBM silo 148b”
Objectors have their names stenciled on a Nuclear power plant cooling tower that we force them to live next to.
We can force them to hold hands and form a living fence across the Mexican border.
New liberals would be added to the end of the line at San Diego and the line would slowly shuffle towards Texas.
The person at the Texas end of the line would be forced to touch a doorknob.
“But hwuu, that’s not forcing them to buy anything.” Ahh but it is. We make them buy a ticket.
Forcing liberals to buy country music isn’t punishment enough…they must be forced to listen to it too!
A book a week from the Conservative Book Club