Random Thoughts

Democrats seem set on ruining our fun in November by not even trying to be competitive.

We’re making fun of Reid now, but when he loses his job we will treat that as very good news.

I have no idea who Justin Bieber is, but I’m pretty sure if I did I’d hate him.

The Predator aliens are hard to permanently injure or kill because of their universal health care.

NBC Thursday night comedies are all made of win, but I think my favorite right now is Community.

New conspiracy theory: All these recent violent attacks from registered Democrats are tests for Obama’s new secret police!

Paul Krugman has to be one of the most hackish political pundits out there.

Ebert is really smart about movies, but his IQ drops about 50 points when politics comes up. I’ve never seen any political wisdom from Ebert that didn’t just look like something he just read off of Kos.

Why does David Brooks exist? What is his purpose?

I hate science. No, wait, I like science. I hate blue pens.

You think the head of police in Vegas often goes in casinos saying, “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling going on in here!”?

I think Robin Williams does his best work when the director tells him, “Try to do anything funny, and I will beat you with a hammer!”

There should be some sort of law against a movie title like Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

Or maybe all titles should be like that. “Star Trek III: Based on the Novel Search for Spock by Sapphire”.

I like Hollywood’s new novel awareness policy.

I like how Hollywood thinks they’re better than us and is the last industry left that constantly racially discriminates in hiring. Plus, lots of child labor.

Twilight is a horror movie? Only thing it made me scared for was our nation’s youth.

Aw, man, I thought it was going to be a tribute to “whore” movies. Where’s my Pretty Woman?

I got a headache from just reading about the move Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Hopefully people will learn to next time wipe out the Na’vi much more quietly.

I don’t like James Cameron, but he’s getting us closer to replacing all the pretentious actors with computer images.

Movie pitch: Sniper kills seemingly random Hollywood stars so that the tribute during the Oscars has an encoded message.

The Oscars would be more exciting if the losing movies for best picture were burned and never shown again.

Hollywood should get over Vietnam. We won that war fair and square.

My Marine brother said the Hurt Locker was like they followed him around Iraq with a camera and then threw all that footage out and made another movie.

I wonder if people would have been for getting into WWII if they knew we’d still stuck in Germany and Japan in 2010?

I don’t know anything about movie editing other than it wasn’t enough to save the mess at the end of the Phantom Menace.

My Oscar speech: “I don’t need you to tell me I’m awesome.” Then I drop it on the stage and walk off. While I’m imagining my Oscar speech, I might as well add I’ll be riding a unicorn.

Can’t Science! create a roll of toilet paper that can be pulled both ways?

Note to cliché users: We currently CAN’T go to the moon, so neither can we necessarily handle the smaller problem you’re thinking of.

There should be a penalty for too much smugness where you get deducted one Oscar.

I like how Oscar nominations are abbreviated as “noms”. nom nom nom

Jeff Bridges did the Big Lebowski in 1998 and apparently still hasn’t broken character.

Finally. Sandra Bullock was robbed for Demolition Man.

Kathryn Bigelow, female… I don’t know where I’m going with that.

Great for Bigelow. There’s an obscure martial art that involves wielding two Oscars.

Bigelow should have pointed at Cameron and shouted, “World’s mine now, bitch!”

“The Amazing Race” kinda sounds like the name of a Nazi propaganda film.

If James Cameron had been a better husband, those Oscars would have been his by marriage.

Next Oscar milestone is for a homeless director to win.

It’s Hollywood’s racist hiring policies that keep Samuel L. Jackson from the role he was born to play: Benjamin @#$%ing Franklin.

19 Comments

  1. Why does David Brooks exist? What is his purpose?

    He exists to allow the New York Times to pretend that it has a conservative columnist on the op-ed page. The fact that the editors think that this convinces anybody that there is actually a conservative columnist on the op-ed page is further evidence of how clueless they are.

  2. What’s really weird is how many of these I said something very, very close to, myself (down to, “Oh, she said horror movies. Bummer.”). I really have no idea how to correctly do the punctuation on that last sentence, by the way. Anyhow, I kind of have to wonder what an Oscar party would be like if Frank and I were both there. Probably it’d be really funny, or else like some bizarre stereo joke machine. I’m ok with it either way.

  3. -Kathryn Bigelow must be married to Rob Schneider then?

    -Ill say this for Kathryn Bigelow, wait who is Kathryn Bigelow?

    -I am disgusted that she won an award for Hurt Locker while “Point Break” with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze playing Bankrobbing/surfer/CIA who brawled while falling from a plane with only one parachute didn’t win anything.

  4. I would describe what it would have been like under McCain as he saying he would be a cross between W. and David Brooks. Ideologically inconsistent with incoherently explained conservative rationals and can really only seem to come alive when painting the right as full of crazy extremists while ignoring the larger more bloodthirsty and holding high office left wing extremists.

    right wing extremist
    -drinks beer, lives in trailer, hates white liberals more then any race, reads auto trader

    Left wing extremists
    -eats arugula, works in media-corporate boardroom-unelected government bureaucrat-Government Educator/brainwasher-reads Zinn, Chomsky, feeds state secrets info to Chinese, Venezuala, Russians

    That there is why we lose so much is because in fact our right wing extremists are way too lazy and not so extreme.

  5. The Amazing Race joke is so obvious but so funny, haha… Frank, I really don’t know how these posts of yours are good on such a consistent basis. I suspect racism, and something to do with fat cats.

    I’m loving Community, easily the funniest thing on right now; Joel McHale is great but the entire cast gets plenty of screen time and they carry it well!

  6. Democrats are lame. When is the world going to learn this?

    The fact Hurt Locker won proves hollywood is till liberal, hates he troops, and hasn’t put a decent movie in years.

    Howcum the fact the Pentagon shooter was a registered Democrat is getting scant attention?

  7. I don’t like James Cameron, but he’s getting us closer to replacing all the pretentious actors with computer images.

    Ever since watching the quality of the CGI animation in Final Fantasy, I’ve been under the impression that it was only a matter of time before actors became obsolete. After watching Avatar, I am convinced we are there.

  8. Exciting dialog from the upcoming new movie of the life of Ben Franklin staring Samuel L. Jackson…Ben Franklin: You know all those godd**n security scenarios we ran? Well, I’m stuck in the middle of one we didn’t think of!
    George Washington: What the hell you talking about?
    Ben Franklin: Benedict Arnold somehow managed to fill the plane with poisonous snakes.
    George Washington: Wait, hold on. What kind of insane plan is that? He can’t possibly guarantee that the snakes are gonna get to Sam Adams!
    Ben Franklin: Yeah, well, he doesn’t have to guarantee it if he brings down the whole plane down.

  9. Ben Franklin: [while examining bite wound on Sam Adams’ buttocks] All right, we have to – we have to suck out the poison.
    George Washington: Man, I ain’t sucking nothing.
    Ben Franklin: Ok, I’ll do it.
    Sam Adams: What? Oh, there will be no sucking. Man, George, get this guy away from my ass!! Ben Franklin: [seeing Betsy Ross sucking the venom out of Sam’s wound] That’s what I’m talking about.
    George Washington: I got bit, too!!

  10. “My Marine brother said the Hurt Locker was like they followed him around Iraq with a camera and then threw all that footage out and made another movie.”
    For the Win!
    Am I mistaken, or did you actually watch the annual libtard snooze fest?

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