WASHINGTON (AP) – After sending a 3-page apology letter to Afghan President Harmid Karzai, President Barack Obama followed up with what he described as “a sincere act of contrition” by burning an original copy of the U.S. Constitution.
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“We’re not out of the woods yet,” Obama said in an exclusive interview with ABC News’ Bob Woodruff at the White House. “But my criteria in any decision I make, getting recommendations from folks who are actually on the ground, is what is going to best protect our folks and make sure that they can accomplish their mission.”
“In this case, the folks on the ground were a group of dirt-encrused goat-herders who share a single set of dentures, but hey, it takes a village, right?”
“I figured since one of their sacred texts was burned, it was only fair to torch one of our sacred texts as a good first step toward mending ties with our proven allies in the overseas contingency operation on man-caused disasters.”
“Fortunately,” said the President, his eyes aglow with foreign policy wisdom, “we had a spare copy in the dumpster back of the White House near the Dalai Door.”
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi praised Obama’s perspicacity, saying, “the President truly showed Solomonic wisdom with this action, successfully managing to appease the perfectly justifiable murderous wrath of the gentle, devout followers of the religion of peace in Afghanistan, while only offending a few extreme Tea Party freedom-cultists in the process.”
“For a while there I thought he might burn something TRULY sacred like the oversize novelty gavel I used to pass Obamacare,” added Pelosi, “but cooler heads prevailed. Good thing, too, since I’m sure I’ll need it again when I’m inevitably named Speaker after the elections this fall when I guarantee that Democrats will retake the House.”
Congresswoman Pelosi’s oversize novelty gavel was unavailable for comment.
Sounds more like a modern adaption of Fail-Safe, although BHO is no Henry Fonda…
Wait, that was supposed to be a parody? How was I supposed to tell?
O.M.G!
Harvey’s back with Newsish Fakery!! Yay!!!
Break-out the good Scotch. Wait. Irish Whiskey…
Newish fakery! One of my favorite features on IMAO returns after a long hiatus. Good show, Harvey.
Obama used to be a good politician, but then he took an arrow to the knee…
Take my word for it, she’s a real witch. She should have had a part in The Wizard Of Oz…..Nancy’s oversized novelty gavel, Washington DC.
I wonder if the copy he burned was the one he wiped his ass with.
Michele made him write it. She’s in charge you know.
Harvey, these days you really must inform us which posts are parody, as this could be real.
Oh, phooey, I made an ass of myself on Facebook after quickly glancing at your headline. I hope nobody saw my post. Very telling that I believed the news for a moment!
Son of Bob – no joke! Until I read the quotes, I thought it might have been; this is totally believable from a guy who would say he calmed the situation when calmed = 4 Americans + more Afghans getting killed + riots.
Oh Seanmahair – not that’s not the same copy. You see, he wiped his rear with the copy he read right before signing the ‘healthcare’ bill into law.
Bravo Harvey!
Whoopee gavel!
Ah, how I’ve missed newsish fakery. Long one of my favorite features of the site (along with Know Thy Enemy and In My World).
Andrew – turns out I’ve missed writing it, too.
And since this is an election year, I’ll probably give in to the urge to scratch this itch a lot more.
At first I thought that was real news. It definitely sounds plausible.