[High Praise! to MikeS]
Kill 8 zombies without reloading, while still technically adhering to the double-tap rule.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,205,921)
If that’s too bulky for you, there’s another .45 with 2 barrels that weighs in at 14 ounces, but it only shoots one bullet at a time. However, it also has a 2-shot reload clip in the handle, so you can still double-dip on fun with the walking dead.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,064)
* Mitt Romney was recently described as an Etch A Sketch, but over at PJ Media I pick out which toys the candidates are most like.
Ron Paul is like Dungeons & Dragons. It’s this game a few people are highly devoted to and spend all their time playing, while most other people look at them as a bunch of weirdos.
Go read and discuss amongst yourselves.
* Oral arguments for Obamacare continued yesterday, and many people think the lawyer for Obamacare, Solicitor General Donald Verrilli, choked. A number of people compared him to the public defender from My Cousin Vinny. The liberal Justices seemed to be trying to help him along in his answers to keep him from embarrassing himself.
Paul Clement, arguing against Obamacare, had gotten pretty much universal praise for his performance. When he spoke, the liberal justices started shrieking, “No! Nasty limits to government power! Keep it away!” There is already talk of building a monument to him for saving American liberty.
Then again, no one is ever sure these oral arguments make much of a difference. Everyone is mainly just listening to what the judges say to get an idea where they are… with special attention to Kennedy. And the chance for Obamacare being overturned on Intrade was at 30% but is now to over 55%. And Dems are already spinning how having Obamacare struck down would be the best thing ever for Obama’s reelection chances (how could having one’s signature, yet extremely unpopular, legislation struck down as unconstitutional be anything but good). Still, I don’t think we get the final decision until June. Hopefully on my birthday.
* Romney is building a new house, and it has a car elevator. I don’t know why this is news. I guess we’re supposed to react and say, “Grrr! He’s rich! Let’s be whiny and hate him!” In the time it takes you to read about Romney’s car elevator, the government will waste far more money than that cost — except, unlike Romney, they won’t be spending their own money.
Really, I wish that anyone in America who whined about someone else spending his own money were fired out of cannon into Canada. It would a special “Whiners Deportation Cannon”.
Okay; it would just be a normal cannon.
* Rick Santorum is slipping in the polls in Pennsylvania. If he can’t win his home state, things don’t look good for him… except things already don’t look good for him as there is already no fathomable scenario in which he gets a majority of delegates. But not winning PA would make things look extra bad. So I hope he loses big.
Just end this stupid primary! Please!
* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge (yeah, I know I quote him yesterday too):
The Constitution: a pre-existing condition that doesn’t cover Obamacare.
* Fox is planning on releasing in July a Ben Stiller comedy called Neighborhood Watch, but decided to pull the trailer because of recent events. Apparently a lot of the humor in it is about accidentally shooting minority children in hoodies. Bad timing.
I hate when people see my in a hoodie and assume I’m a thug or see me with a Tommy gun and assume I’m a gangster.
The Supreme Court upholding a limit to government power? What are we? The United States of America?
If you hold up the Constitution during oral arguments, Ginsburg hisses and shrinks away from it like a vampire seeing a cross.
The Obama presidency would be going pretty well if he never needed to convince people of things.
If Ted Kennedy had drowned a black kid in a hoodie, would that make the left not like him or would that also have been okay?
I am not so interested in the moral outrage of moral idiots.
Hatless in Hattiesburg “shamelessly copied from IMAO”
Why aren’t the rest of you spreading joy to the joyless like that?
Come on, fess up. I can’t wait to hear your feeble excuses.
And don’t tell me your dog ate your “CTRL” and “C” keys.
[High Praise! to Shelgeyr]
More of a quote of the day, but it’s a doozy.
From the comments on a TL;DR Althouse post that boils down to “Obamacare sucks,” comes this comment from “TosaGuy”, who puts it in a nutshell.
This isn’t law, it’s Calvinball.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From me (Harvey):
[reference link]
From Kris:
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From Kris:
From Kris:
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From Kris:
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From Kris:
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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From James:
From Kris:
From Mxymaster:
[reference link]
From me (Harvey):
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From Travelwise42:
BONUS LINKS:
Video: The Adventures of Kim Jong Un
Picture containing print that would become illegible if I shrank it down to fit here.
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
I’d say Kris’s throwaway line from the second season of “Family Guy”.
Everyone knows Jeff Dunham, right?
To Mxymaster’s credit, though, no one’s ever watched “Mommie Dearest” in its entirety, and it’s been out for 31 years.
What say you?
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Man discovered that chickens were tasty.
Then he discovered that the wings made a delicious snack.
And now, finally, he has discovered how to eat that delicious snack without having to gnaw on tiny bones like his caveman ancestors:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,524,212)
I guess we know what’s on the menu for Alpha Proxima Day.
* If you were all worried about missile defense protecting us and our allies from nuclear missiles, don’t worry because Obama told the Russian president he’d have more “flexibility” to work with that in a second term in a conversation he didn’t realize was on mic. So basically, Obama sees the policies he’s set in his first term as written on an Etch A Sketch, and he just can’t wait to get reelected and shake them.
And why do we have “allies” who find not being able to easily nuke us so threatening? What in the world is that about? Yeah, I always tell my friends, “Please never wear a bulletproof vest. I mean, you’re my friends and all, but I really need to keep open the option of shooting you.”
* So 69% of people are for pulling out of Afghanistan, so it’s starting to look like that’s that. The Taliban harbored al Qaeda after 9/11, and the punishment for that is we fight them until… we got bored of it. Is this going to impress other enemies not to mess with us? They’ll at least know we’ll stick around for a long while before we leave them alone; no one has got to want that.
Maybe we should consider going back to the blow stuff up and leave policy. If we come in quickly, blow up a bunch of stuff, and then immediately leave, we can declare victory. If you blow up a bunch of stuff and get to leave unscathed, it does seem like you won. And if that doesn’t solve our problems, we can always come back, blow up more stuff, and then leave again. That part is easy. It’s the sticking around that’s hard.
* The Supreme Court is in the process of hearing argument about the individual mandate. If the Court does rule that the government can make us buy stuff, I hear they’re going to go ahead and sell the Constitution on eBay since they don’t really need it anymore. I mean, come on; constraint on the power of the federal government? That’s silly.
* So all the people super angry at Zimmerman for shooting Trayvon, why do they think he did that? Do they think he just said to himself, “I feel like shooting a black kid today. Oh, there’s one. I’ll call the police first and give them a heads up before I proceed with my diabolical murder plan.” Apparently, people think Trayvon was just relaxing in his hoodie, eating Skittles, and Zimmerman just proceeded to shoot him for no reason. Of course, according to witnesses, Trayvon was pounding Zimmerman’s head into the pavement.
Anyway, it’s possible to believe Zimmerman was in the wrong here and at the same time give him human motivations. Of course, then you can’t freak out and demagogue the issue. Why does the media give those idiots the time of day?
* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:
Just to be safe, lefties should boycott all advertisers who are involved in capitalism.
Do people really think Zimmerman shot Trayvon for the hell of it? I know Zimmerman has more of a rap sheet than Trayvon, but murderous sociopaths like that are pretty rare outside of the CSI universe.
If we end all bullying, kids will end up being a bunch of sissies… which means I’ll be able to bully them as an old man. Cool.
A Hispanic shoots a black kid who was pounding his head into the pavement, and somehow I know white people did something wrong.
Why do we have to look at this in terms of race? Why can’t we just look at it as fellow human beings punching and shooting each other?
How would you like to see Obama grievously insulted in “ripped-from-the-headlines” fashion 3 times a week?
Hope n’ Change Cartoons has you covered.
As a bonus, you also get deliciously cruel commentary to go with it.
Be warned. He gets mean. And he “goes there”. May offend delicate sensibilities.
I especially liked the third comic in this post. I’m really jealous that I didn’t think of it.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
“‘You want to call it Obamacare – that’s okay, because I do care,’ Obama said.”
“‘I’m convinced at the end of the decade, the Republicans are going to regret turning this [into] ‘Obamacare,'” Plouffe said.'”
“The White House urged supporters of the law to tweet why they backed it with the hashtag ‘#ilikeobamacare.'”
Ya know, if I were the mischievous type who took some sort of twisted delight in mocking the gravely serious social commentary of my liberal betters, I might be tempted to post a few things on Twitter, like:
______________
 |
* Because it answers the question “can Nancy Pelosi make a gavel so big that she herself can’t lift it?” (the answer is no) #ilikeobamacare
* 4 years of high school, 4 years of college, 4 years of parents’ basement #ilikeobamacare
* The wait at my doctor’s office will finally be long enough for me to finish reading Atlas Shrugged #ilikeobamacare
* #ilikeobamacare – but I’m not IN like with it
* Because it creates good, high-paying, American jobs, like “death-panelist” #ilikeobamacare
* #ilikeobamacare because nobody will know what’s in it until it gets fully implemented. It’s like the Schrödinger’s Cat of legislation #ilikeScience!
* A super-secure government database with everyone’s private medical information? Challenge accepted #ilikeobamacare
* Combining the efficiency of the Post Office and the customer service of the DMV, it’ll be like the perfect Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of government programs #ilikeobamacare
* If you have a pre-existing condition of being the First Lady, your weekend ski-trips to Vail will now be covered #ilikeobamacare
* There may still be a co-pay for your family’s Spring Break trips to Oaxaca, but that can be waived if you have the story pulled from the news wires #ilikeobamacare
* I own a small business that rents lab-coats for Presidential photo-ops. Ka-CHING! #ilikeobamacare
* #ilikeobamacare @benandjerrys – New ice cream flavor – #ilickobamacare
* @DickCheney – free heart transplant! BOO-YAH! It’s lawyer-face season again! #ilikeobamacare
* Saves you that long hike up the cliff to push wheelchair-granny off it #ilikeobamacare
* @ElenaKagan – resume enhancer! Um… that I swear I didn’t actually work on #ilikeobamacare
______________
By the way, Obama, I’m suing you for plagiarizing my iPad app #iLikeobamacare
Coinciding with Earth Hour and Alpha Proxima Day, I declare this “Human Achievement Week” on the theory that the best response to uncivilized barbarians trying to drag you into the dark ages is a disproportionate response.
Let’s kick it off with a brief review of what Man has done so far to lift himself out of the lightless world the hippies want to drag us back into.
Note that it starts with fire.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,228)
As Howard Roark said:
“Thousands of years ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light. He was considered an evildoer who had dealt with a demon mankind dreaded. But thereafter men had fire to keep them warm, to cook their food, to light their caves. He had left them a gift they had not conceived and he had lifted darkness off the earth.”
* Obama has embraced the term “Obamacare.” It had been considered derogatory since it combined the phrase “health care” with the name of a failed president, but now Obama is trying to pump it up as a good thing. They even tried to start a hashtag on Twitter — #ILikeObamacare — to gin up support, but the people who used it were mainly making fun of Obamacare (not me, though; I was taught in grade school to not make fun).
Anyway, Supreme Court arguments start today. Most people don’t like Obamacare and want it overturned by the court. Obama blames this on a well-funded campaign against Obamacare, but he shouldn’t shortchange how Obamacare’s own suckitude has contributed to its unpopularity. Now, if the court strikes it down, there goes Obama’s biggest accomplishment of his first term. But if the court upholds it, people will be really angry and motivated against Obama and wanting to make sure he can’t appoint more Supreme Court nominees. So Obama’s strategy for the near future is to hide under a desk.
* Dick Cheney got a heart transplant, but he’s recovering now and doctors are assuring people that, despite his new heart, he’s just as evil as ever. Apparently it was a really tricky operation — mainly because Cheney cradles a shotgun at all times and gets belligerent under anesthetic.
We here at IMAO wish Cheney to have good health and hope he still has a long life ahead — mainly because of how he annoys liberals. In fact, I hope they replace more of him with robot parts so he’ll live forever.
* Obama has named the generation under 40 as “Gen44” — i.e., the generation of the 44th president, Barack Obama. What a sad thing to be defined by. It’s like “Generation Jimmy Carter – Part 2”. I guess my generation needs to find something to define ourselves by before some idiot like Obama does. It’s just I don’t know what? It’s not like we had the Nazis to overcome. I say we be the generation that resurrects dinosaurs and puts rocket launchers on them. I think the future would really respect us for that.
* I saw that video where Obama keeps saying the same thing to multiple allies, and I find it kind of endearing. Here’s the American President so dismissive of smaller countries that he won’t even bother to come up with new material for them. That’s how the American President should be; good job Obama.
* So that shooting in Florida is getting pretty politicized. There’s so little known about the actual details, that I don’t really have much of an opinion about it, but man are the racial demagogue vultures descended on that situation. They just seem really frustrated that Zimmerman isn’t whiter, though. They really want to condemn “white America” and its racial attitudes, but they got that one little setback. Some new outlets are calling him a “white Hispanic” — which I guess is a Hispanic who asks for his own papers.
Some people are also hoping to get some gun control traction off of this, but they were unsuccessful with the last couple tragedies, so I don’t really think much is going to happen anymore. Well, there’s at least one area in America that people have come firmly down on the side of freedom. Hope, people. Hope.
* Wisdom of the Day from Jon Gabriel:
Since everyone’s decided Zimmerman is guilty sans trial, Obama should have a drone take him out.
Make sure you have a will with instructions on how you’d like your death to be politicized.
“If only Zimmerman were whiter…” -people demagoguing the Trayvon shooting
So hoodies are bad? So what should I wear to my next liquor store robbery?
Quick! Someone draw a hoodie on an Etch-A-Sketch!
Maybe what Geraldo said wasn’t that dumb and we just think that because of the mustache.
Apparently Obama has embraced the term “Obamacare”, so big blow to whiners.
Being a low level programmer, I was a little wary when I first started with C#, but man do I love foreach loops.
#ILikeObamacare because I believe there is such a thing as a free lunch. And unicorns.
My 17 month old daughter is the best thing ever. She’s like owning a monkey that talks.
The Hunger Games was good, but I think this is the rare adaptation where you’ll enjoy it more if you read the book first.
Also, what was shown in the books was limited by the first person perspective, so the movie had some advantages there.
Had a rib-eye of “Kobe-style” beef. Very expensive, but really good.
Considering how poorly Jon Huntsman did in the primary, it’s weird he’s the next politician they’re doing a movie of: “Snow White and the Huntsman”
“Don’t worry; I’ll save you, Snow White. I know Chinese.”
Here’s how Newt Gingrich can still win this: meteors.
From SarahK just now: “Antelopes do have long trunks so they can eat ants.”
We’ll be turning on the lights all day to make up for the hippies turning off the lights for one hour.
I think we’ll win that battle.
And why would we do this?
Because, as Rebecca “Newt” Jorden once said, “it’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night… mostly.”
She also said, “My Mommy said there were no monsters, no real ones, but there are.”
Apparently Mommy never met anyone who celebrated Earth Hour.
