[High Praise! to MarkoMancuso]
This guy made a video called “TJ Walker’s Secret to Speaking Like Obama“. Oddly, this seems to be a serious effort to hold Obama up as a positive example.
Technically speaking, having made this video and expecting people to ever take him seriously again is punishment enough, but it probably couldn’t hurt anything to pile on:
I’m guessing tip #1 is “learn to lie without the tell-tale eye-twitch that honest people get.”
Your thoughts?
Read Alinski. Know it. Live it. If possible, become a professor teaching it.
Whatever policy you are about to implement, say it does the opposite of what it really does.
Racially and financially divide at every opportunity. Make everything about the rich or minorities whenever possible.
Always give a wink and nod to big contributors while demonizing them. When no one is looking, give them truckloads of taxpayer cash.
LOL! This guy gave ONE good speech in 2004 and has been coasting on that rep ever since. He was treated like he had a super power of ‘speechification’ that would solve all the ills in the world and help him overcome every challenge he faced as leader. Turns out he’s more like Cyclops from the Xmen using his eyeblast in every single situation to acheive a diminished result. I suspect the people who think he’s an awesome orator haven’t listened to him in years, otherwise they’d be forced to admit that he is indeed a SCOAMF and not worthy of admiration, let alone emulation.
I can sum up the book in just a few sentences.
Lie.
Blame others for your failings.
Lie.
Develop the mind numbing cadence of 3 words and a pause; repeat endlessly.
Lie.
Race-bait.
Lie.
Step 1: Turn on teleprompter
Step 2: Call everyone racist and/or stupid
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit!
Tip #2 Talk out of both sides of your mouth.
I don’t think that the question should be “can you make fun of this”, rather than “what type of person would take this seriously?”. Can you picture the waste of oxygen that would be thinking to themselselves “what I really need to improve my life is to be more like Obama!”. What is scary is that these people are allowed to vote, yet if you asked them what issues are important to them they could not givE you a coherent answer.
Gabby Obama: I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ Bible clingin’ Republican, Teabaging cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter!
Olson Obama: [after Gabby Obama’s speech] Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all indebted to Gabby Obama for clearly stating what needed to be said. I’m particularly glad that these lovely children were here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic Liberal Gibberish, it expressed a courage to twist the facts little seen in this day and age.
[Democrats murmur and nod in approval]
Thanks for the plug!
not too sure it’s worth the hour and 2 minutes to honestly mock this guy…and it will cost a $1.99 to boot. Too rich for my blood.
Lie
Lie
Lie
And send your wife out to pontificate about you.
It helps to have a watch and an audience that is capable of becoming sleepy.
I thought that there was a whole boatload of free advice of this nature on the internet in terms of “pick-up artist” — y’know, how you talk to somebody you’re planning to screw over to get them on board with the effort?
I’m almost willing to spend the 1.99. Almost. Just for giggles.
Not me…where I live a $1.99 will buy a 1/4 gallon of gasoline.
Repeated state your urgent and heartfelt pleas to be clear while obfuscating your intent with superfluous puffery and soaring non-specific banality.
Then go out and find that sumbitch that’s stopping you from being clear.
Grrrr. “Repeatedly”
Does it come with a compliant media?
Because without that, you’re just John Edwards without the hair.
Why does Mr. Walker have a picture of Tommy Smothers on his ad?
Turn head to right; read off right TelePrompTer.
Turn head to left; read off left TelePrompTer.
Lather; rinse; repeat.
We don’t need no stinking book…
Listen for the call of this migratory “Far Left Loon” and repeat it over and over!
(Like he did with the GSA scandal)
“Busdidit…Bushdidit…Bushdidit”!
One word: Folks.
Use it repeatedly.
Close second: unprecedented.
1. If you stutter in a speech once, and you plan on making that speech again remember where you stuttered so you can do it again. Consistency is a virtue
2. You can in fact describe all of Americas allies the same way. I suggest using boxing terminology.
3. Always wear one of the Rings of Power so people will buy into what you say, and ignore the glaring problems you have with public speaking. The Ring of Power doesn’t work so well on people with a brain, so make sure to call them idiots. A lot.
Learn a boxing metaphor and apply it anytime you meet another head-of-state…
Let me be clear! Obama’s unremarkable talent can be yours!
Be the first on your block to master the Barack Alinsky Obama method!
You too, can learn to rub raw the sores of discontent!
For the low, low, bargain basement price of $9.99!
No need to hurry —supplies are unlimited.
(We can’t even give them away…)
@John – heh, good one
It should be called “How To Read Like Obama”
*Step 1: Assume everyone wanting to listen to you is stupid (because they are)
*Step 2: Say uuuhhhhh at least 3 times in every sentence.
*Step 3: Now pay attention, this is the most important rule:
*Step 4: Remember, it’s ok to plagiarize and mimic a Nazi, they were righteous raaaaaaacists.
*Step 5: If you can’t find a Nazi to copy from, there’s plenty of communists too, not just Saul.
*Step 6: Repeat the same speech whenever possible, it’s always easier to read after the 2nd or 3rd times.
*Step 7: Be sure not to reuse one that our enemies have found to be provable BS and have managed to make public.
*Step 8: Never admit that you’re just as
“African American”black as George Zimmerman is white.*Step 9: Profit!!!11!!!1!
Correction:
Take special pleading, strawman attacks, fudges, phony anecdotes, non sequiturs, personal vendettas, egocentric caterwauling, highbinder hokum, Pecksniffian pusillanimity, flat jokes, risable jabs, duel-worthy accusations, labeling, fabling, sins of omission, deflection, flattery, racebaiting, plagiarism, ad hoc, ad hominem, ad abritrarium, ad nauseum; place in blender, pour resultant sludge of putrid crap in a glass and say it’s good for you.
Listening to Obama talk is a homeopathic cure for insomnia! Droning speech, predictable movements, and loads of filler words, are guaranteed to put a audience in the arms of Morpheus.
Save the two bucks! Join Toastmasters International instead, and learn how to NOT talk like Obama. People will actually ask you to speak to them a second time.
LESSON ONE:
TJ Walker: Repeat after me: “Uhh”
Student: “Uhh”
TJ Walker: “No, say it more like you’re mentally retarded. ‘Uhh'”
Student: “Uhh”
TJ Walker: “No, still way too intelligent. Let’s just try another one. ‘Umm'”
Student: “Umm”
TJ Walker: “No, still not ridiculous enough. Well, try them both together. ‘Uhh, umm'”
Student: “Uhh, umm.”
TJ Walker: “No, you’re still not getting it. You have to pretend that you’re incredibly smart while, in reality, being incredibly stupid. Now try again.”
Student: “Uhh, umm.”
TJ Walker: Dammit. This isn’t working…
DavidD is right except he forgot about the step to occasionally pause to stick your nose up in the air and to look down on everyone.
First lesson: If you always have to lie, remember to lie to yourself because you never know when your lips might be moving. Last lesson: Never assume that a microphone will be turned on, make sure it is always on, because no liberal ever sounds honest and smart at the same time, this could be the first time and who wants to waste it.
When all else fails: BLAME BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
“There are some who say [insert straw man statement of one extreme], and there are others who say [insert straw man of opposite extreme], but I believe our country is wise and great enough to [ insert fawning and oversimplified description of a course of action that ignores the real problem and requires no changes to current policy] .”