[High Praise! to Call Me Stormy]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #24,107)
Good solid blues-rock vibe, excellent production values in the video, and the lyrics seem to be more thoughtful and creative than you’ll typically find in this genre. I liked it a lot.
Some feminists are attacking the DNC for discriminating against single mothers by not allowing children on the convention floor or providing childcare. The DNC responded to these allegations by offering free abortions so they don’t have these problems at the next one.
Abortion: If there is any problem it doesn’t solve for a woman, then that’s a problem the Democrats don’t care about.
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
It’s 3am. A phone rings in the White House…
The Republican National Convention is starting today — probably. Anyway, this is the GOP’s chance to really get some attention when they lay out the facts. Thus, I thought I’d lay out some ideas of the sort of things I’d like to hear said in prime time speaking slots:
THINGS THAT SHOULD BE SAID AT THE RNC
“I remember back in the day you didn’t have to spend $5 trillion more in debt to get a failing economy.”
“Obama’s four years as president can be summed up in one word: Derp!”
“If you look at America now and think this is the result of being a good president who deserves reelection, you hate America.”
“In a just world, Obama would have to sit quietly while job creators lectured him and how he didn’t build anything.”
“I have a feeling that in Obama’s next memoir, there’s going to be this odd four-year gap.”
“Anyone who thinks Obama is competent for a black man is a stupid, bigoted racist who should be shunned from polite society.”
“It’s good Obama made his birth certificate public, because when I hear him talk about his thought on the economy and capitalism, I do need to keep glancing at it to remind myself that he is in fact an American.”
“This all rather pointless because the solutions to all our problems comes out next week.”
“I don’t want Daddy go to work. I want Daddy to go to bed and lay down.” It’s like Buttercup can read the voice in my head every morning.
I realize I never said anything about Neil Armstrong. It’s hard to process. He was more like a mythical figure than a real person.
Because of him, I was born knowing that anything was possible. It’s something still to live up to.
The main contributor to global warming is the sun, so anyone trying to end global warming is plotting to destroy the sun.
Plan for black Democrats:
Phase 1: Vote Democrat no matter how bad things get.
Phase 2: ??
Phase 3: Profit!
“Do you like spinning a blade to create gusts of wind?”
“No, I’m not a fan.”
My Obama book will be a year old in November… when it will also possibly be rendered completely moot.
At a “Kids’ State Dinner,” President Obama told one boy that “Bo is on a diet.”
Wonder if it’s Barack’s?
You know what this country needs?
More folks depending on the government.
No, really. That’s the conclusion of … wait for it … the government.
“Given that only 15 percent of you turn to government assistance in tough times, we want to make sure you know about benefits that could help you,” USA.gov announced today. The ”government made easy’ website has created a “help for difficult financial times” page for people to learn more about the programs.
Now, just maybe, what they’re saying is true. That is, 15% turn to government during “tough times.” So, what about the other 35%?
They were at the government teat all along.
Now you know why Obama’s approval rating will never get below 40%. You got at least 35% that believe in letting everybody else take care of them. Throw in in the fact that most of the news polls are weighted nearly +10 Democrats, plus the crazy statistic that over 95% of blacks like Obama despite the fact that black unemployment is way up under his term, and there’s no way that his poll numbers will drop very far.
And, if the government can get more sucking on its teat…
Sigh.
150 years ago, Democrats were using guns to keep people in physical chains. Today, they’re handing out your money to get people to voluntarily put on financial chains.
The tactics change. The objective doesn’t.
I must confess, I don’t remember a lot of these scenes. Then again, it’s been quite a few years since I read the book.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #185,665)
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “President Obama changed the design on the Presidential Seal…“.
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Every single one of these predictions from 1995 was correct:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,131,179)
There is a report floating around on the interwebs that scientists, using Science! have succeeded in hacking a person’s brain and retrieving information from it. As scary as that sounds, the procedure is still in its infancy, and requires a lot of brain activity to pick up on.
Regardless of this little problem, which I am sure Science! will fix eventually, I can foresee such a brain-hacking of an important person. Say…Joe Biden for instance. That would be interesting. So, of course, I had to think to myself what might be retrieved from Mr. Biden’s brain in such an experiment…
Biden Brain Hacks
______________
10. *silence* (Scientists: “crank it up to 50!“)
9. “Hmm, where have my pants gone this time?”
 |
8. “What does Barack see in that teleprompter of his? He’s not as intimate with me.”
7. “I wish I had as big of a stick as Barack does.”
6. “I wish I had a rainbow pinwheel. Those are really cool.”
5. “My favorite three letter word is wood…w-o-o-d. It has such a woody quality to it.”
4. “I had a successful dump today. Was about 150 lbs.”
3. “This brain sucking project must be a big @#$% deal.”
2. “If I had a nickel for every time Barack puts papers in my personal safe, I’d have, um, a lot of nickels.”
1. “After this is over, I am going to look up the website number for this place.”
______________
[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
The Republican National Convention starts tomorrow! Are you excited? Yeah, I’m not really that excited. Still, it’s Romney’s big chance to really introduce himself to the country. And Ryan will hopefully get to wow everyone. And Chris Christie will hopefully yell at people. Charlie Crist — the tall Oompa-Loompa — won’t be speaking there, though, as the DNC got him — they’re more the home to people who care for nothing other than political ambition.
Yeah, the Democratic National Convention goes second and has a chance of upstaging the Republicans, but I’m not sure how. Is there anything more tiresome than the thought of Obama giving another speech? I mean, the one Biden gives might be some comic relief, but they’ll force him to stay on script and it will probably just be boring. But they have fake-Indian Elizabeth Warren! Won’t American respond to yet another rich person whining about rich people? And then there is the dynamically unlikable Sandra Fluke taking on our nations greatest problem: how annoying it is to go to Walgreens and buy your own birth control. Plus I hear at the end of the DNC, they’re going to execute a baby live to show their extreme allegiance to abortion.
The Democrats are out of ideas, and they don’t seem anywhere close to getting some any time soon. So if the GOP can be positive and upbeat and show they have the direction for the party, they’ll win over Americans and the DNC will just look stupid and gloomy in comparison.
Plus don’t forget to keep mentioning how the economy is bad and the Democrats were in charge for the past four years. That’s kind of an important point.
Jim Treacher ran across this. It’s Obama’s tribute to the astronaut dude that died or something:
Yep. Neil Armstrong, the first man to set foot on the moon, dies, and Obama honors him with a picture of … Obama.
Kinda makes me wonder how Obama would honor others on their passing. Any suggestions?
