Archive of entries posted on February 2013

The State of the Union Last Night

Posted by on

So we had the State of the Union address last night. And Obama was all like, “You know that stuff I promised to do those last four years and never did? Well, I’m totally going to do it now!” And then he was like, “We don’t have a spending problem. We have a not spending enough problem! And I’m going to claim it won’t add to the deficit because I have as much disdain for math as I do for guns.” And then he ended with, “And we need more background checks. Because that’s why there’s so much violence in Chicago and why people crazy people can steal guns from his mom: Not enough background checks! I am a serious person.”

Then afterwards, Marco Rubio gave the Republican response and was like, “What an idiot! Look at the last four years; this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. Don’t listen to him. And furthermore… Ooh! I’m thirsty!” And then Rubio drank water and everyone was like, “Dude! He’s drinking water! This is insane!”

Finally, Rand Paul gave the Tea Party response. It was about freedom or something.

I didn’t watch any of the speeches.

Cartoon of the Day – Manhunt

Posted by on

LisaBenson20130213
[Source: Lisa Benson – GoComics]

While the left cheers on gun-toting cop-killer Christopher Dorner, they criticize legal gun owners for legally owning guns.

If you don’t understand the left’s logic, I can explain it to you. They’re idiots. Some people call them dumbasses, which is probably a better term. Some call them useful idiots. Those that call them that are the ones using them to their own ends.

I gave up trying to figure them out a long time ago. I accept the fact that they have a severe case of the dumbass and I accept that there’s a good chance they won’t recover from it.

In the meantime, those using those useful idiots are trying to take away our rights. We’re the ones under the gun, while criminal elements are running free. And some of them are running free in positions of power.

Pluto’s moons

Posted by on
Photo: NASA

Folks need help naming Pluto’s moons.

Actually, they don’t any help at all. Scientists and astronomers and such have had no problem naming planets, moons, or other celestial objects before, and they really don’t have any trouble now. They want to pacify people who got all ticked off over the demotion of Pluto from planet to dwarf planet.

Or, maybe, they just want to get attention or something. Well, they got mine.

There’s a Website that is set up for the purpose of naming two of Pluto’s moons. Now, in case you didn’t know, Pluto has five moons. Maybe it has more, but they only know about five. They discovered Charon in 1978. I remember that. At the time, they had no real idea just how big Pluto was. They figured it was probably about the size of Earth, though I was never really quite sure why. But, the discovery of Charon, and all the math that led to, came up with the idea that Pluto was a lot smaller than people thought.

Then, they discovered more moons in 2005. They named them Nix and Hydra. Then, they discovered two more, in 2011 and 2012, respectively. They haven’t named them yet. And, according to the Laws of Science, Pluto can’t bring the moons home from the hospital until they have a name. Or something.

So, the Website Pluto Rocks (get it?) has been set up to name the two moons. Currently, the frontrunners are Styx and Cerberus. Why a late ’70s rock band would get a moon named after them is something I don’t understand. Maybe Come Sail Away is a lot better song than I realized.

As for Cerebus, that’s a dog. Which is kinda weird, since Pluto is Mickey Mouse’s dog. Can a dog have a dog? I suppose if it’s a three-headed dog, no one would complain. For long.

Anyway, most of the names on the ballot are names you’d expect, like Persephone, Hercules, Orpheus, and Barack.

Wait. Barack isn’t on the list. But they do have a write-in ballot available. Maybe I’ll write in a name. It damn sure won’t be Barack. But, what should I write in? Or, what would you write in?

What should be the names of Pluto’s moons?

Random Thoughts: SOTU Drinking Game

Posted by on

Someone tell the Washington Post that I have a bridge I’m selling that proves how stupid Sarah Palin is.

I think the world situation is exactly at the point where America needs a huge dummy as Secretary of Defense.

If Obama says, “Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum,” drink a bottle of rum. #SOTUDrinkingGame

If Obama says, “Drink a shot,” snort cocaine. #SOTUDrinkingGame

If Obama says, “Let me be clear,” drink Everclear until he sounds clear. #SOTUDrinkingGame

Every time Obama reminds the American people he can kill them all with impunity, take a shot. #SOTUDrinkingGame

Every time Obama says “I may be a simple country Hyper-Chicken,” take a shot of Romulan ale. #SOTUDrinkingGame

So is Obama is going to finally going to admit in the SOTU he doesn’t really care about jobs or the economy?

By when do we usually receive requests to speak at CPAC?

So Rand Paul is doing the Tea Party response to the SOTU, and the OWS one will be from Christopher Dorner, I assume.

Haven’t been watching SOTU. Is he claiming that all the things he failed to do for the last four years he’s going to totally get to now?

If only we had even more background checks, that guy wouldn’t have been able to steal guns from his mom.

So did the useless twit say he was going to do something about spending or is he still an entirely pointless human being?

I offered to do the SOTU rebuttal for way cheaper than Rubio was asking.

So what are Ben Carson’s negatives if he decides to run for office? Makes us all feel lazy and unaccomplished?

For the Republicans to have a chance in 2016, they need to find someone who doesn’t drink water.

“And what’s Marco Rubio doing while you’re unemployed and don’t have health care? Drinking water.”

“Do you really want a president too busy keeping himself hydrated to care about your needs?”

Car Laws vs. Gun Laws

Posted by on

[High Praise! to The Truth About Guns]

Here’s the first 10:

1- The private sale of a vehicle does not have to be reported to the state
2- A motor vehicle sale does not require a criminal background check
3- There is no limit to the capacity of horsepower a vehicle may have
4- A person can legally own a vehicle at any age
5- A vehicle can be operated in public as early as 16
6- There is no waiting period to buy a car
7- You can buy as many cars you want in a month
8- Students are allowed to bring their cars to school
9- There are no “car free zones”
10- Politicians do not create laws that ban the legal ownership of specific models of cars

Click here for the other 30.

And yes, on number 9, I’ll argue that there are plenty of places cars aren’t allowed to drive (like some national parks). Of course, if you go to one of these places, you could easily become stranded and die a horrible death, so car-free zones work about as well as gun-free zones.

Wisdom of the Day: Drones Hagel Books Pimpin Cop Wikipedia

Posted by on

Bacon Beer!

Posted by on

[High Praise! to Les of Brick Moon]

“Look into the heart of darkness of this pitch black beauty. Take in the sweet caramel and roasted malty notes on the nose with a suggestion of the bacon goodness within. This full-bodied, rich and creamy oatmeal stout trots out a bold, unbridled taste that comes from a unique infusion of local Ottawa Valley heritage-raised ‘Pork of Yore’ fine bacon.”

Over 13kg of bacon was used for every 780 litre batch brewed — and was fried up personally by the owners of the brewery.

Unfortunately, only available in the Ottawa area.

In America, try Rogue’s Bacon Maple Ale, which can actually be shipped to you (except for Utah, Massachusetts, Texas and North Dakota).

Wait…

Texas has a law against mail-order beer?

What the…?

Sometimes I Don’t Trust My Brain

Posted by on

I’ve always been fascinated by the part of the brain responsible for handling my vocabulary. In real time, it translate my thoughts into English words. It seems like a very complex task, and it does it well even if sometimes I’m not quite sure it exactly knows what it’s doing.

FRANK: “Because, really, do we want to be…”

BRAIN: “Obsequious.”

FRANK: “…obsequious to government? And– Wait a second; what was that? Obsequious? Is that even a word?”

BRAIN: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is.”

FRANK: “Pretty sure? Well, what’s it mean?”

BRAIN: “I dunno. Google it.”

FRANK: “Why are you giving words to me if you don’t even know what they mean?”

BRAIN: “I’m like sure I’ve seen it used in that context.”

FRANK: “How sure can you be if you don’t even know what it means?”

BRAIN: “I’m like 80% sure we’re using it right, dude.”

FRANK: “Well… can you give me a simpler word to use in its place?”

BRAIN: “Um… nope. Sorry. Blanking.”

FRANK: “Somehow I’ve gone my whole life without using the word ‘obsequious,’ but now you’re telling me that’s the only option for this sentence?”

BRAIN: “Talking is hard. Want to daydream about video games now?”

FRANK: “Yes. Yes I do.”

And I’m pretty sure this is the same part of the brain that tells me what there/their/they’re or your/you’re to use while I’m typing. I consciously know when to correctly use those homonyms, but when typing fast I don’t have time to consciously sort them out and I need to delegate that task to the automated parts of my brain. And their just horrible at it. I think I need an upgrade.

State of the Union Tonight

Posted by on

I’m crossing my fingers that Obama is going to be inspired by the pope, but instead of resigning for reasons of health, it will be for reasons of stupidity and uselessness.

It’s expected that Obama will announce a bunch of stuff he intends to try and do, and that will be the problem because he’s an idiot and everything he does just makes the country and our economy worse. If he ever actually learns, then he’ll stop trying to do anything and just get out of everyone’s way. I really hope people learn from his presidency and in the future have presidents we never ever see or hear from because they’re doing their thing and we’re doing ours (I describe exactly how a president should be in How to Fix Everything in America Forever if you haven’t read that yet).

Of course, Obama’s excuse for being a failure during his campaign was that the Republicans blocked him, and those same Republicans are still here and it seems very unlikely they’ll lose their majority in 2014, so if Obama were honest, all he’d pledge to do tonight is whine about Republicans for four more years. That’s a promise he’ll actually keep.