A student sued Pennsylvania’s Lehigh University over being given a C+ grade.
No word on whether she’s ever sued GM because her car ran out of gas.
Archive of entries posted on February 2013
On Joe Biden on Shotguns
Because Obama Doesn’t Believe in Torture
Straight Line of the Day: Finish This Verse…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A little different today:
For Black History Month, Livsey Elementary School created a cute display with the lines:
Rosa sat… so Martin could walk.
Martin walked… so Obama could run.
Obama ran… so our children could fly.
Finish this verse:
Rosa sat… so Martin could walk.
Martin walked… so Obama could run.
Obama ran…
Random Thoughts: Braeburn!
Dangit. Why am I tweeting at Amanda Marcotte? What useful thing could possibly come from that? Stupid Frank.
Finished the first draft of my next novel. I thought there would be fanfare.
A lot of work left in it, though, until it’s in good enough condition to even let my wife look at it.
Went ahead and jumped into starting my next story, and realized the hardest part of that is coming up with names. Leave blank, fill in later.
We could probably remove a lot of the phony outrage stuff from politics if we brought back dueling.
We must ignore all other problems and focus on solving the threats of global warming and rogue unicorns.
To a lot of people, freedom is slavery because of that oppressive thing called “responsibility.”
I’ve solved the Schrödinger’s cat problem: Just blow the box up with C4 and you can be certain the cat is dead without opening it.
So did I just disprove quantum physics and win a Nobel Prize?
I have trouble believing Amanda Marcotte is a real person. She did work for John Edwards, but I have trouble believing he’s real too.
Shouldn’t falling for John Edwards cause you to lose your feminist card?
Best ending of sequestration battle would be all of Congress and the White House thrown in some prison where we never hear about them again.
Imprisoning all of the federal government would be costly, but there is an instance where you need to spend money to save money.
Braeburn sounds like the name of a real no-nonsense apple.
“Dammit, Braeburn, you shouldn’t have punched the senator! We’re in a real pie now!”
These are the tweets that happen when I am sent off with a grocery list.
“Give it a rest, Red Delicious; your feminine wiles won’t get you out of this one.”
“Damn you, Braeburn!”
“Are you sure you’re an apple, Braeburn? Because when you get involved, everything always goes pear-shaped.”
Just realized that that Fuji character from the Braeburn serials was kind of racist.
Found out I was pronouncing it “bry-burn” in my head when it’s actually pronounced “bray-burn.” Somehow that renders the whole thing moot.
How Much Do You Trust Your Dog?
A new study shows that dogs are four times more likely to steal food in a dark room than a lit one.
Still more trustworthy than the average liberal.
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “What will Iran do with all the Buddha statues it confiscated…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Aptly Describing the Stupidity of the Minimum Wage
[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]
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Or take the minimum wage nonsense. What kind of insane idiot, with the crisis of unemployment we have would want to RAISE minimum wage? I mean, both the man reading these words off the teleprompter and the idiots who wrote them for him to read have presumably enough intelligence to stand upright and speak at the same time. So it shouldn’t be possible for them to NOT understand that a wage is something paid in exchange for a service. It is therefore tied to the value of that service. The idea of legislating it at ALL is insane, and leads to people who can’t afford to pay it hiring illegals or simply not growing their business past the one man stage – because, children, economics is a science. You can’t simply legislate wages, any more than you can legislate rain. BUT on top of that the idea of in a recession wanting to tie the minimum wage to the cost of living is so astonishingly stupid that- That I run out of words.
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Is Frank J. the Mayor of Potlatch, Idaho?
[High Praise! to Gotta Get Drunk First]
“Firearm-friendly Towns Seek to Lure Gun Makers and Their Jobs”
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #5,443)
In a better world, this story would be completely unremarkable.
That Does It – I’m Voting Biden 2016!
[High Praise! to Diana and TeamCoco]
By the way, what’s up with Biden nervously fondling that glass of water? Could this be a career-ender?
Starve the Bastards
Link of the Day: Song Parody – Xanadon’t
[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
If you haven’t heard Rush’s “Xanadu” for a while, here’s a refresher (singing starts at 6:14, lyrics available at the link)
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Hail to Thee, Dear Leader!
John Boehner said President Obama “doesn’t have the courage to lead when it comes to our long-term spending problem.”
Not true. That man charged us over the cliff like TR up San Juan Hill.
God Is a Hacker
According to scientists, the universe exists on the very edge of stability. So basically God is a hacker and MacGuyvered this universe together, and while it’s working fine for now, it could just completely collapse at any moment. So let’s all do our best not to bother the universe. Like, stop trying to divide by zero on your calculator. I mean, if we collapse this universe, it will probably take God like a week to hammer a new one together, and I bet parts of it will just never work as well as this one.
