Breaking: Obama surprised to find out reality is not scripted by Aaron Sorkin

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 7, 2013

“Bear with me here.” — less-than-ideal way to announce that there is a bear with you

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 7, 2013

Trying to think of something more unnecessary than a bank robber telling me not to be a hero.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) June 7, 2013

They should make Purge 2 a comedy, and it should be the OWS attacking the rich people mansion belonging to the cast of Duck Dynasty.

— Larry Correia (@monsterhunter45) June 7, 2013

I’d like to apologize to the schizophrenic rambling half naked homeless guy outside Wendys.Turns out you were right about the government

— Ben (@BenK84) June 7, 2013

I can’t wait to start couples therapy. I totally know I’m going to win.

— Nic Cage Match (@NicCageMatch) June 8, 2013

*throws salt in wife’s face* Oh sorry honey, I thought you were one of those giant sausages from Burgertime.

— patrick (@tastefactory) June 10, 2013