"You're hired! Welcome to ACME, where we only sell dynamite to animals for some reason!"
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) November 13, 2013
I pitched my pilot about a smart, attractive man married to a sarcastic, overweight woman to FOX and was asked to leave at gunpoint.
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) November 13, 2013
It's the Derek Zoolander Exchange For People Who Can't Get Health Care And Want To Do Other Things Good Too.
— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) November 13, 2013
You'll know Obama is serious about fixing the website when he hires the porn industry
— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) November 13, 2013
Man is the only animal that makes its own Funyuns.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) November 13, 2013
Wth does Sebelius do all day besides not know things?
— Christine (@cmdeb) November 13, 2013
Avoiding eye contact with co-workers is for rookies. Make eye contact and don't say anything as you pass
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 13, 2013
Customs Police: Do you have anything to claim? Me: A hot dog is a sandwich. Cop: "Please step out of the vehicle"
— michael (@michaeljhudson) November 13, 2013