When Obama picked Biden for VP, shouldn’t that have told us that not only isn’t Obama smart, he doesn’t know what smart looks like?

Thinking of joining an assassin’s guild, but not sure how. Do you just start killing people and wait for them to come to you?

I don’t ask much of people, just that they get all my video game references.

You have to work hard to be the dumbest guy on MSNBC, so don’t tell me Chris Matthews is not a hard worker.

If you failed as badly as Sebelius in the private sector, not only would you be fired, corporate assassins would murder you.

If U.S. still had self-respect, every restaurant in this country would refuse to serve Michael Bloomberg anything other than carrot sticks.

Okay, let’s forget every other issue for a while until we solve the problem of video ads that automatically play when you visit a site.

Apparently no one involved with Healthcare.gov knows how to write code.

Probably one of the greatest lies in history is the first level of Battletoads. “What a fun, slightly challenging game.”

I got a solution for illegal immigration: Have Obama make a website for people to sign up for amnesty.

“I’m sorry if you misinterpreted what I said as meaning I’d kill you last.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger from Commando

I believe some people have done a serious version of my new column.

My favorite part of Thor 2 was when Thor dived for cover while wielding two hammers at once.