[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]
Archive of entries posted on 8th November 2013
Democrats: Making People Scream in Frustration Since 1947
Undocumented Bovine-Americans?
Experts are saying that an increase in cattle theft in California could cause a spike in beef prices.
So when some folks get something for nothing, everyone else pays for it? Hello, Obamacare.
Leave Obamacare Alone!
Link of the Day: This Is The House That Jack Built
[High Praise! to Sheldon Comic Strip]
This Is The House That Jack Built
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dave Kellett get political before, but now he has, and this is kinda awesome.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Cousin Michelangelo Ford Lottery
$TWTR just sounds like Ke$ha's more respectable cousin.
— CC:Indecision (@indecision) November 7, 2013
I bet Michelangelo also arts in heaven.
— sadvil (@crylenol) November 7, 2013
New video of Rob Ford reveals he is actually Hitler. "Must've been during one of my drunken stupors," says Ford of WWII
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) November 7, 2013
Lottery tickets should be purchased like porn — shamefully. Don't hold up the line at the gas station like you're conducting big business.
— Kensington (@NYKensington) November 7, 2013
I *Thought* I Recognized Them
In Turkey, the world’s tallest living man (8’3″) got married to a 5’8″ woman.
The wedding looked like a metaphor for “Obamacare as promised” vs. “Obamacare as delivered”
Obama Warned Us – Ideas
Suppressing ideas never succeeds in making them go away.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 4, 2009
“So MY plan is to suppress the people who hold them.”
What Is Obama Good At?
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “President Obama Denied Saying “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It”. What He Said Was…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: Doctors Say “Internet Addiction” Is on the Rise. Symptoms Include…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Doctors say “internet addiction” is on the rise. Symptoms include…
10 Rejected Obama Apologies
Obama came up with something resembling an apology for those losing their health care.
“I am sorry that [people who’ve lost their insurance] are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me.”
I guess that’s an apology — but he kind of acts like he’s a bystander to this and not someone who repeatedly lied to sell his crappy product.
But it took a while for him to come up with even that. Here are the rejected apologies.
REJECTED OBAMA APOLOGIES
“I’m sorry you can’t understand how I’m helping you.”
“I’m sorry your individual fates are so beneath my concern.”
“I’m sorry you can’t understand how the more expensive health care I forced you into is so much better.”
“I’m sorry you’re one of those grammar nazis who had this strict interpretation of what the words ‘If you like your plan, you can keep it. Period’ means.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be president of a country that would appreciate me more, like one of those fancy European ones.”
“I’m sorry this got to the point that my staff says I need to come up with an apology.”
“I’m sorry my awesomeness is so blinding and overwhelming that it confuses you.”
“I’m sorry the media didn’t continue to keep you from hearing about all this.”
“I’m sorry I can’t just drone strike you.”
“I’m sorry that I’m not sorry. At all.”
Jedi monkey tricks
Duke University is teaching monkeys how to move stuff with their minds.
Back in 2000, they had monkeys using implants to move robot arms. Now, it’s just the brain power of monkeys moving stuff.
The idea, they say, is to eventually have prosthetics being controlled by mind power. Which is pretty cool. But, I’m thinking that’s just the beginning.
We’re already to the point where monkey mind power could come up with a Website better than the Obamacare site.
Heck, a Jedi Mind Monkey could do a better job as president than the jackass currently in the Oval Office.
But, while replacing Obama with a Jedi Monkey might be an improvement, that only means a job for one of them. What about the rest of the Jedi Monkeys? What will they be doing?
I’m not sure I like the idea of a bunch of monkeys that can move things with their minds running around. Monkeys can get bored. Remember, monkeys will bite people. A monkey will eat your face. One even shot Frank J. one time.
We need to be careful. Just because you can teach a monkey to move stuff with its mind doesn’t mean you should.
Well, one, maybe. To take Obama’s place. It’d be worth the risk.
Random Thoughts: Satire, Wikipedia, and Arafat
I’m guessing somebody didn’t get the satire
If you’re going to plagiarize Wikipedia, delete what you plagiarized off of Wikipedia. Duh.
Why would people freak out at the CMA made fun of Obamacare? Who isn’t making fun of it?
My employer dropped the plan my wife and I really liked because it would eventually be under the “Cadillac” tax.
Is justice delayed really justice denied?
“Sorry; need to wait five more minutes for justice.”
“Might as well forget it, then!”
Whoever poisoned Yasser Arafat should get his Nobel Peace Prize.
I don’t get the reasoning behind the “Cadillac” tax. Don’t they need people paying for the more expensive plans to help subsidize others?
Wait a second; Rand Paul’s autobiography is just word for word what his Wikipedia article says about him.
Maybe my memory is hazy, but I remember the initial reviews all pointing out that Starship Troopers was inept satire.
And the “Oh no, Raid!” line was one of the funniest RiffTrax lines ever if you see it delivered in context.
If Chris Christie is the 2016 nominee, every other tweet of mine will be a fat joke even though I’ll be supporting him.
“If you like your plan, you can keep you plan. Semicolon. Some of our regulations may cause your insurer to drop your plan.” -honest Obama
Scheduled a photo shoot so I can have some professional photos of me for the promotion of my next book. Feels so indulgent.
Luckily, the photoshoot is after Movember.
Look Out When This Comes Crashing Down
A surfer may have set the world record for the largest wave ever surfed after riding a 100-foot wave off the coast of Portugal.
Sounds crazy, but it’s still less risky than trusting your healthcare to the government.