[High Praise! to Very Demotivational]
Archive of entries posted on 18th November 2013
Obama vs. the Tea Party (Metaphorically Speaking)
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,435,701)
We sit there & take it for a while, trying to be polite, but eventually we stand up to him, and finally… we just walk away and get on with our lives, leaving him alone and befuddled.
Unfinished Simile
Obama’s latest description of Obamacare: “this is like having a really good product in the store and the cash registers don’t work”.
Sure, if the store were the gift shop on the Titanic.
Simple Math
Link of the Day: Satire – Pentagon Announces Pre-Deployment Training To Take Place In Detroit And Chicago
High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]
[CAUTION: Some adult language at the link]
Pentagon Announces Pre-Deployment Training To Take Place In Detroit And Chicago
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Words Jason Illness Deaths Smug Bread Barn Ford
wanna put my tender heart in a blender, learned some big words so ill use em now oblivion, rendezvous, those are words i used
— L Ǝ O И (@leyawn) November 15, 2013
Problem: Jason kills teens who are having illicit sex. Solution: Orgies. Power in numbers.
— Mickey McCauley (@Mickey_McCauley) November 15, 2013
It's so adorable when a whole city bands together and makes someone with a serious illness think they are powerful. Bravo, Toronto!
— Matt Goldich (@MattGoldich) November 15, 2013
I'm very confused by the "no deaths from ObamaCare" claim. I guess lacking medical insurance is no big whoop after all.
— James Taranto (@jamestaranto) November 15, 2013
Nothing on this Earth is more entertaining than smug people in a panic.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 16, 2013
Don't say you love someone and give them an end slice of bread
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) November 16, 2013
Drive through The South shouting 'Fix your barn!' out the car window at everyone you see.
— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) November 17, 2013
They should replace the cat in the Hang In There Kitty posters with Rob Ford.
— Tim Stanley (@timothy_stanley) November 17, 2013
“Fake But Accurate” Makes a Comeback
Democrat Senator Benjamin Cardin said of Obama’s “you can keep it” promise, “the fundamentals of what the president said are accurate.”
Great. That’s like hearing “your house is riddled with termites, but your basement is solid”.
Obama Warned Us – Shared Interests
The interests we share as human beings are far more powerful than the forces that drive us apart.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 4, 2009
“Unles you spend a trillion dollars to give those forces a really good push. Yay! Discord!”
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “A New Report Shows Americans Are 34 Times More Interested In Buying Guns Than Obamacare. Also More Popular Than Obamacare…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: Nancy Pelosi: “What the President Said Was Completely Accurate”. Other Recent Statements by Pelosi…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Nancy Pelosi: “what the president said was completely accurate”. Other recent statements by Pelosi…
Random Thoughts: Hate, Facial Hair, and Incandescent Bulbs
You can hate on gays, blacks, or whatever as long as you also really hate on Republicans. #TwoHatesMakeARight
Obama has a plan to make this all come together. While you’re sitting there playing checkers, he’s playing three dimensional Candy Land.
I think the Hindenburg can be fixed.
Obamacare is like Katrina if Bush passed legislation to make that hurricane in an effort to put more people in homes.
I don’t grow my facial hair out very often; does my face and neck eventually get used to it and stop itching?
Maybe that last question should have been addressed to Duck Dynasty.
So do all women hate facial hair, or is just my wife who isn’t cool?
I’ve been telling you for years the government is full of idiots who are horrible at everything; do you finally believe me? #Obamacare
So I had these big plans on Friday to hold San Francisco hostage to my mad demands, so of course that got ruined.
Actually, isn’t holding San Francisco hostage to mad demands the job of its local government?
Yes, yes, I know, Democrats; voter fraud is trivially simple to do but it’s science fiction to believe anyone would actually do it.
I remember when you didn’t have to squint really hard to tell if a game was next gen.
This is the longest between console generations, and the least difference graphically. We’ve hit a wall, it seems like.
Just what the economy needed: light bulbs to get more expensive too.
At least there is another option than the soul crushing CFLs, but LED bulbs are pretty expensive.
So what’s the reasoning behind the incandescent bulb ban? Fascism is now trendy?
“If you try to make and sell incandescent bulbs, I will have the government send people with guns after you.” Who are these psychopaths?
If I were president, I’d end the turkey pardoning tradition and instead give the turkey a chance at a good death in a battle with me.
Is there anything in the Constitution saying the president can’t construct a thunderdome on the White House lawn?
I propose a new amendment to the Constitution that’s just the text of the 2nd Amendment repeated a second time.
Today’s forecast: A chance of devastating destruction increasing throughout the day
You ever watch those Discovery Channel shows where they talk about the Chicxulub asteroid or the Tunguska event? There’s always Neil deGrasse Tyson or somebody talking about how some big asteroid event will happen again… eventually.
They really don’t know how likely something like that is. But, even though they don’t know, they’ve just increased the chance around six times. One report from Space.com — who knew that space had its own Website? — says it’s 10 times more likely. The Weather Channel says 4-5 times more likely than previous thought.
What does this really mean?
Well, apparently, asteroids are now weather phenomena, like rain and snow.
But, it also means that, while the likelihood of a major meteor strike is unknown, new studies show that it’s even more unknown. And more in a bad way. As in I don’t know how big the spider that crawled out from underneath the dash of the car is, but there’s four of them. And I’m in traffic. So, that’s not good.
So what do we do about it?
Well, if we’re eventually gonna get hit by an asteroid, maybe we can make it less painful for everyone.
Remember Christo? The guy that used to wrap stuff in plastic? Not the guy on TV selling you a food vacuum packer, but the guy that took big pieces of plastic and surrounded islands and such with it.
Well, he could wrap Washington DC with a big plastic red ring. Then a little ways further out, a bigger ring. Then a little ways further, an even bigger ring.
Yes, like a target.
Who knows? Maybe some big honkin’ asteroid will fly by, see it, and head to it like moths to a flame.
Then, we’d be clear for another 30-100 years from a decent size asteroid. And clear from those idiots in Washington.
I don’t see a down side.
As Promised
Kathleen Sebelius acknowledged that it would be possible for a convicted felon to become an Obamacare navigator, since there’s no background check required.
So, if you like your felon, you can keep him.