[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]
Archive of entries posted on 13th November 2013
All Golf Carts Should Do This
I Thought Obama Was Going to Stop Waste, Fraud, and Abuse?
In a fraud scheme costing taxpayers $750 million a year, people are illegally selling their electronic food stamp cards on Craigslist for cash.
Just wait. Under Obamacare, it’ll be selling black-market waiting room numbers.
Think
Link of the Day: Satire – Dizzying Success of ObamaCare Inspires Private Sector
[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]
Dizzying Success of ObamaCare Inspires Private Sector
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Prank Starbucks Siri Tomato Spam Democrats Fixed Sitcom
One rewarding but difficult-to-execute prank is to really be millions of spiders stuffed into an overcoat.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) November 12, 2013
Are the winter drinks in at Starbucks yet? It's snowing and I've got a little hetero to spare this morning
— Sean (@asimplesean) November 12, 2013
While the other person talks, lift your phone to your mouth and say "Siri, turn me invisible." Conversation over. Walk away.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 12, 2013
i say tomato, u say "actualy its jim" i say potato, u say "jim my name is jim" tomato,"its jim", potato,"JIM" this potato is tryimg to talk
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) November 12, 2013
Eventually SPAM went out of business because no one could receive company emails.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 12, 2013
My basic conclusion is that Democrats find sex so confusing they insist on government assistance.
— Amy Otto (@CAAmyO) November 12, 2013
I'd like to see Obamacare fixed. In the same way my dog is.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 12, 2013
Just found out my life is based on a British sitcom.
— Joe Randazzo (@Randazzoj) November 12, 2013
Promises, Promises
Testifying before Congress, Kathleen Sebelius said “yes” Obama’s “if you like your plan, you can keep it” promise IS being kept.
Well, to quote Shakespeare, “more honored in the breach than the observance”.
Obama Warned Us – Goal
So I’m here today to set this goal: We will devote more than 3 percent of our GDP to research and development. We will not just meet, but we will exceed the level achieved at the height of the space race, through policies that invest in basic and applied research, create new incentives for private innovation, promote breakthroughs in energy and medicine, and improve education in math and science. This represents the largest commitment to scientific research and innovation in American history. Just think what this will allow us to accomplish: solar cells as cheap as paint; green buildings that produce all the energy they consume; learning software as effective as a personal tutor; prosthetics so advanced that you could play the piano again…
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Apr. 27, 2009
“A bureaucracy so big it makes the Soviet Empire look like Galt’s Gulch…”
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Obama Is Asking Health Insurers to Help Fix HealthCare.gov. Also Lending a Hand…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: A New Concept Drone Can Fly, Swim, Drive, and Hop. What It Can’t Do…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new concept drone can fly, swim, drive, and hop. What it can’t do…
New Slogans for Obamacare Aimed at America’s Youth
So a while ago, some ad agency made this for Obamacare:
Brosurance. It’s just awful beyond belief, but then they came back with more ads including this one:
I’m not sure why this one wasn’t titled “Slutsurance.” I mean, I’m at a loss for words. Birth control? If you find one person these ads actually appeal to, sterilize immediately. Also, this is just proof of what we’ve been saying to women for a while: Once Democrats have their way with you, they’re not going to respect you in the morning.
Anyway, the same ad agency is working on some new slogans for Obamacare to help make it appeal to young people. Here’s what they have so far:
NEW SLOGANS FOR OBAMACARE AIMED AT AMERICA’S YOUTH
“You say ‘no,’ but your eyes say ‘yes’… which is why this is mandated.”
“I can tell by your backwards hat you get punched in the face a lot; make sure you’re covered for that.”
“Preexisting condition covered by Obamacare: Being a douchebag.”
“Be as financially responsible as Congress and pay $500 for insurance to avoid paying $12 for birth control.”
“Woo! Party! Booze! Mandated insurance!”
“Get coverage for everything except your daddy issues.”
“Let’s face it: You are the most horrible human beings in existence. Only President Obama will ever considering caring for you.”
“Sign up for Obamacare, you stupid whore.”
If not just your house but your entire city is on wheels, you might be an architect
Remember the Jeff Foxworthy routine, “If your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels… you might be a redneck?”
Well, some architect in Madrid — which is near Spain or Australia or California or something — have come up with the idea of putting an entire city on wheels. Manuel Dominguez calls it a Very Large Structure. Probably because it’s a structure that’s very large. Maybe he calls it “Estructura Muy Grande.” Maybe not. I don’t know. If anybody knows Mr. Dominguez — or Señor Dominguez — give him a call and see.
The structure stretches the length of five football fields and is nearly 600 feet tall, perched on caterpillar-like legs that run along a track. In Dominguez’s vision, the city would follow a schedule throughout the year, traveling to different places based on the needs of the region. Onboard, solar panels, wind turbines, and hydrogen would provide renewable energy for a full city, including hospitals, restaurants, libraries, universities, and sports stadiums.
Sounds like fun, huh? Driving down the road with an entire city. A football stadium with State U. and Cross-State U. battling it out at 65 MPH. Ordering at the drive-thru while the drive-thru is tooling down the Interstate. That’d be a blast.
Only, the whole solar panels and wind turbines seems kinda hippie to me. But, even hippies have to dream.
Now we know what hippies dream about: becoming rednecks.
Random Thoughts: Got Insurance, Sluts, and 3D Printers
There show be a law against not making a gun with a 3D printer. When you get a 3D printer, first thing you must print is a gun.
I thought the rules were you can be as racist as you want as long as you like higher taxes.
So does Batman ever compensate anyone for all the exterior damage he does to buildings with his grappling hook?
I got a fundraising email from Debbie Wasserman Schultz and it didn’t mention Obamacare. How odd.
A spire shouldn’t count toward a building’s height; then I could be the world’s tallest man with the right hat.
You have to be pretty racist to hear that de Blasio’s wife is a “former lesbian” and then focus on her race.
If any of my tax dollars paid for this, I’m going to walk right up to the president and demand he pay me back right now.
The only way Obamacare can be solvent is if it enrolls lots of slutty idiots.
If you sign up for Obamacare, he won’t respect you in the morning.
This, of course, from a president who didn’t think no meant no in regards to Obamacare.
Reports say planet is doomed from climate change. I’ll get right on that after I finish finding all the collectibles in my Batman game.
How about instead of raising the minimum wage you just start a charity to pay people more than they’re worth?
How about instead of birth control for whoever those #GotInsurance ads appeal to, we do the sensible thing and sterilize.
“Don’t Blame Me for My Stupid Law!”
During a speech in Boston, President Obama blamed “bad apple insurers” for the rash of policy cancellations.
Right. Those apples were fine before the Obamacare can of worms got opened.